Been doing a lot of crying in the past week. Sad things happening and upsetting things too. This is how I live now.. when I get sad or upset tears fall out of my eyes. They just come out, sometimes when I'm talking to people I'd rather not cry in front of, but they come out and I wipe them away as I talk and .. it's fine.
I do think that the people witnessing the tears are cool with it.. often they appreciate being shown the real emotion..
Me, I'm sometimes embarrassed but at the same time, when I look back on the moment I always feel 'clean' somehow like I was just expressing and honoring how I was feeling.
This is all a bit deep so I'll move on to talk about last night...
Last night!!! Big posh dinner!! So very posh.. pomp and ceremony and black tie and evening wear for ladies.. so many waiters and beautiful chandeliers and candles and flowers and very soft squishy carpet and big sweeping staircases, drinks in a reception room then through to a ballroom for dinner, three courses of delicious food, speeches, toasts.. I'm telling you this was the whole nine yards ..
We went to one of these dinners many years ago and it is not my fondest memory. Got absolutely hammered (along with a bunch of other people).. badly behaved.. there was broken glass at the end (not by me but I was in the group of hammered people being ushered out at the time)...
Yeah .. what can I say .. not my proudest moment...
Last night I got the opportunity to return to the scene of the crime. Same event, same pomp and ceremony, different me.
Borrowed a gorgeous Karen Walker dress, had my hair done during the day (salon hair!), wore funky boots that are cool yet stylish and (most importantly) comfortable.. put my coral lipstick on and drove to the venue feeling happy and excited.
Had a great time chatting and mingling and eating and laughing and just quietly feeling so proud of the new me and to be perfectly frank not feeling like I was missing out on anything by not drinking the alcohol.
The friendly waiter kept filling my wine glass with appletise, someone at the table asked if I didn't drink and I told them no and why ("I couldn't control it so I cut it out altogether") and that was fine, it's just a fact, I don't care what anyone thinks..
Sober is the new black don't you know!
Love, Mrs D xxx