So I didn't go to Mr D's work party on Saturday night and sat at home instead eating Christmas cake and watching Fashion Police on Channel E. It was ok.
I think if I'd still been boozing I'd probably have gone. Even though I would have had the same underlying feelings (it's not my gang, can't be bothered) I would have gone and gotten amongst it and gotten boozed and had a fair-to-middling time. Only fair-to-middling because the underlying truth would still have been there (it's not my gang, can't be bothered) and no amount of booze would have changed that.
So I suppose you could say I didn't go because I'm sober. That doesn't mean I didn't go because I wasn't going to be drinking and everyone else was. That means I didn't go because it's not my gang and I can't be bothered and now that I'm sober I can make a decision based on those truths.
That's what I was telling myself as I sat on the sofa eating cake anyway.
And as I sat there I received a Facebook message from a friend of mine who lives in another town who has fought the brave fight, dug deep and gotten herself sober. She reaches out from time to time to let me know how she's going and she's doing SO WELL and looking fabulous judging from her new profile pic. Another brave sober warrior. Another gorgeous woman who is readjusting to a life that is no longer wine-soaked. She said in her message "I know it is going to be an ongoing thing but I am determined to stay strong!"
Hooray for her! Yes it is an ongoing thing.. we have to live alcohol free in a world that is awash with booze. Never, ever touching the stuff no matter what comes our way. But we choose to do that because it makes us happier, better, stronger, calmer. Insert your own adjectives here. It's all good.
Forgive me if I'm going to sound a bit gushy and all rah-rah-sisterhood-rocks! here … but…
I think all women are brave, fabulous, gorgeous, amazing, vibrant creatures with flames that burn bright and strong inside of us. I think we sometimes forget that we have this incredible life-force.. the ability to love and laugh and cry and bond with our friends and protect our children and nurture our families and give, give, give to the world. We forget, or we get lost along the way, and we find ourselves dousing our flame by pouring copious amounts of booze on top of it. We glug, glug, glug our way through the weeks not realizing how we are self-sabotaging and dulling our core essence.
But the excellent news, I think, is that despite our best boozing efforts the flame never goes out. We can dull it to buggery by boozing like mad women but it. will. not. go. out. It burns away still.. waiting for the day when we dig deep, grit our teeth, make a firm decision and stop drinking. From that moment on our flame, our essence, our power, our light, our strength, our AWESOMENESS just grows and grows and grows. Our strength, hope and love grows brighter and more vibrant from that point on.
Oh yes it does.
And herein endith the rant.
Love, Mrs D xxx