Monday, August 11, 2014

** crickets **

Feels like a bit of a graveyard over here. Hellooooooooooo…… anybody out thereeeeeeee………

I always said that I was going to keep up with my blog here at Mrs D Is Going Without after we launched Living Sober. I'd say to people 'my blog is like my warm bath.. and the new site is like the netball court. I'm going to run onto the netball court and play like crazy but I want to have my warm bath to come back to…'

So here I am settling into the warm waters of my lovely Blogger blog… tired out and sore from all that running around the netball court that is Living Sober.

And WOWSERS!!!!!!! The site is going great guns!!!! Honestly.. it's buzzing, humming, fair rolling along with loveliness, grittiness, honesty and togetherness. Exactly how I imagined it might work. There's still some issues to work out in terms of the members 'feed' where all the updates get posted… but the web designers are brilliant at responding to stuff so I'm sure we can work it out.

Over 400 members in less than a week! And many of those aren't interacting yet which means they're lurking and (hopefully) starting to reflecting on their own lives and the role alcohol plays in it … and most importantly realise that it's actually possible to remove booze, retrain your brain and live a wonderful, full, fun life with no alcohol in it.

Jeepers sometimes I can't believe the turn my life has taken since I got sober!!!!!!! So many wonderful things have transpired since that massive decision on the morning of Sept 6, 2011 when I thought to myself 'I've got to get this shit out of my life'. I'm loving all this noise and busy-ness.. loving the new website and the book and stuff. But most of all I love being sober. And in 20, 30 years when some of this other stuff has moved away or morphed into something else or whatever is going to happen.. I'll still be sober. Gloriously, robustly sober. Hooray.

I'm doing good.. but I'm definitely busier and more distracted by the computer. I'm going to have to set myself 'rules' of when I'm on and off (so bloody tempting to keep checking to see what's happening).. but I want to make sure I look after me and my sober lifestyle.. keep a balance between work and home.. stay focussed on my boys and myself - diet, positive thinking, sleep, sober treats etc etc.

Paul wrote this brilliant post recently about making sure we turn that advice we always give others back on ourselves. So Mrs D, go gently & treat yourself very kindly.

Will do.

Love, Mrs D xxx

31 comments:

  1. A longtime overdueAugust 11, 2014 at 12:33 PM

    Ahhh, was wondering if you might reappear. Still looking, still checking. Agree with Paul's final comment to put down the whip, I am one of those 'hardest on myself than anyone else' people. Which arguably might be a useful quality in kicking the bottle. Need to get the internet time in check too. So nice to be wandering around the new website community - identifying with so much that is being said. Sober reflection time is definitely generating a positive, improved path forward and not a moment too soon!

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  2. Mrs D, so glad you see you back on your home turf here. And yes, please take care of yourself. The new site is marvellous and you've done amazing things. Now you also have to make sure you keep taking care of yourself. And you will. Big hug to you. xo

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  3. For most of us, sobriety is crickets. There's a small contingent that finds fame, accolades, and profit through sharing their tales of sobriety--publishing, speaking engagements, web site "hits." But most of us do it in small rooms, with small groups, one on one and alone. Little attention and no fortune. I can't answer this question for you, you'll have to answer for yourself. Can you be at peace with yourself whether you are in fashion and flush with funds as a result of telling your story? For me, my sobriety has to be all about me, not what other people think of me and my actions. Peace to you.

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    1. A longtime overdueAugust 11, 2014 at 9:51 PM

      Without Lotta writing her story and publicising its existence, I would not be on the wagon. I thought I was the only one sinking a bottle of a weeknight and more at the weekends with regularity. I didn't actually realise the degree of my problem until I dipped into Mrs D's world and saw my story replicated time and time again. I am indebted to Lotta's courage in going public.

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    2. Ms.Penelope.DroppedAugust 12, 2014 at 11:20 AM

      Yay- I kept checking if you were home Mrs.D.

      Gosh we are a funny old lot here in New Zealand. But we are groovy as. To come out, as you have Lotta is one of the gutsiest things I have ever witnessed in new Zealand public life, and I mean that sincerely.

      We don't have a rehab culture here in New Zealand. There is still enormous stigma around mental health issues of which alcoholism is one.

      You saved my life. Seriously. You have undone what decades of silent suffering created. It wasn't all about booze, it was existential stuff. You have helped me accept myself and start to claw my self esteem back from where it disappeared at 10 years of age.
      You have done what doctors, anti depressants, two decades of LIVING with a Psychiatrist family member could not. You showed me myself, in a language I understood, the written word, because you are me in many ways, a once-flawed but fabulous kiwi Mum who lost her way years ago.

      What you have done, quite simply has turned your life around with a simple mantra "I do not drink" and then generously said to us all "Follow me guys, it's not rocket science, it's groovy and it's yours for the taking. It's called.....drum roll please....being sober".

      To overcome the "she'll be right" kiwi attitude with the pride of your family behind you is so inspiring and liberating to me.

      I remember the first realisation I had of you Lotta...was it Kim Hill? "That lady....she's not is she?...?...She's not going to mention our big secret????...her and I, you know, the only drunk Mum's in the world....shush lady shush WE DON"T TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF IN NEW ZEALAND!!!"

      "...okay...need to stop drinking...but how??....google...okay google that lady, you know self, the normal one....she was going to be on the telly a few weeks ago right....gawd....her husbands behind her....shit they are brave....no ones home....see if it's on demand....shit....she's lovely, she's so normal, she isn't a freak so maybe I'm not so bad either....."

      "Lotta. Lotta Dann. That's her name.....you love words...go find her book....go to the warehouse, you won't bang into anyone there.....looking, looking in the Top 5 books...no?really?? hmmmmm...Top 100 for sure....fuck...I can't find it. Not going to boutique arty bookshop...no way, THEN THEY WILL KNOW!!!....Whitcoulls.....yes, that is it....furtively sneak in....YAY!! there it is 'Mrs.D Goes Without' featured at the front of the shop, in a pile with all the normal books....those youngsters behind the counter are looking at you, they know you are a boozer.....put an expression on your face that says this is purely for sociological research....phew I DID IT!!!"

      So on my 41st birthday I spent day 5 sober and I devoured your book and I thought. I'm okay. I will be okay. All because of you dear Lotta.

      Kia Kaha,
      Penny

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    3. Ms.Penelope.DroppedAugust 12, 2014 at 11:23 AM

      'Mrs.D is Going Without'. DUH. Gimme a break dudes I'm an ex-boozer!! :)

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  4. I love your new site, and am loving finding my way around the place. But I still love your blog. I will always come back here and read the blogs I follow and write in mine and hope people might read mine. It's great to have both places to visit. Thanks Mrs D. Ax

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  5. I just finished your book. What a heartfelt and honest story. It highlights your blogs so wonderfully. And I could relate to you so much. I cried and laughed.

    Thank you for sharing yourself and for continuing to do so.

    Be kind and loving to yourself. I know I'm doing just that for me!

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  6. It's very reassuring to come back here. I love the new site - it is fantastic, but it feels like a nice rest coming back to your blog. I can only imagine how full on it is for you!!

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  7. So glad to see you here. Your blog, as you said, is for you. We get to share it, but ultimately it is the thing that got you through at the beginning, the middle, and is still there for you today. I am glad to hear you are looking after yourself. Keep doing that, and we will keep hanging out here too - cheering you along xx

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  8. I agree,without your story lots of us wouldn't have seen ourselves.

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  9. I am glad it is all going so well :) 8 days from my 2nd sober anniversary. I may just check your new site out at some point. Not sure I need more computer addiction lol

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  10. Hi Mrs D,

    We fall in love with our blogs don’t we? They are like our children.

    I am also considering moving to a better forum for my readers, and although the new place will look shinier, sleeker and sunnier there really is no place like home. It’s because you grew it from nothing and watched it turn into something. You even love the things that the web designers hate. It’s like having kids with big ears. They don’t look big to you, they look cute.

    So keep coming back to your warm bath. I will be here with my eyes closed, and when you tell me you in, and the bubble are covering your bits, I will open them and start reading.

    Lee

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  11. It's crazy right now Mrs D, you just got to push through these early stages and you'll find a balance.

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  12. Yes We are still here, even if not commenting. xx Lin

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  13. I have been remiss in my blog as well but it is because I am almost stuck to the chair and glued to the screen. You must be almost manic with trying to juggle everything but you are doing well. I agree you probably need to set yourself some rules otherwise (if you are like me) the site may take over you and your family.

    Cherie xx

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  14. To Cherie (sorry to bust in on your lovely home blog Mrs D .... I'm one of your lurker/stalkers) ... bloody excellent to have read on your blog you are going good. I was kinda wondering what happened to you, and I'm only new to this thing. Blah is better than booze ... you GO GIRL.

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  15. You deserve every wonderful fantastic and beautiful thing that has come your way...especially being SOBER!!!!

    Love to you my friend,
    Sherry

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  16. Glad it's all going so well. I have yet to check out the new tennis court, due to my house being sick all weekend, but I'll get there. Love your energy

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  17. Hi Mrs D, so glad you are back here. Comforting. Congrats on all that you have achieved. Life changing. Forever grateful.

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  18. I am posting as an anonymous post because as a 49 year old mother of 3 I really have no where to turn, I never ever thought I would turn out this way, I have always put my family first but just seems lately that don't need me as much, husbands never here he is with either working or taking blah blah blah...... Can't even deal with this shit......

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    1. A longtime overdueAugust 13, 2014 at 11:03 PM

      Oh, you have come to the right place! I didn't think I would go this way either (I am Mother of 3, 43, husband works long hours). Please look around this blog and go over to the Living Sober website (which has useful links to further avenues for assistance). The online getting sober/sober community is totally supportive. Stay close to this blog, read it from the begining. Lotta's book is outstanding. Together we can do it.xxx

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    2. And read "kick the drink easily" by Jason Vale. You can order online-google fishpond. It is the best book to get you on track, it gets in your brain and changes your thinking. This book and Mrs D's one are so powerful. You can do this. You are not 'missing out' Once you work that out, it is easier.

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    3. Still here Mrs D! Great to read your latest blog. Thank you so much for setting up the new site Living Sober. The people on the sit and all the tips and information have really really helped me although I have some way to go yet. I think that, although I have a professional job, I was lonely too. My husband is very supportive of my desire to quit drinking but he works long hours. I also don't have many friends because I drink at home. Thank you or giving me the opportunity to connect on a truly "human" level with others in the community.

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  19. Ah...I was wondering why my stats went apeshit for a day. Thanks for the shoutout, LD. Glad to see all is well in Soberville :)

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  20. Glad you still find time to come back to your home turf. Where it all began. Your story is very similar to my own and for your honesty, I thank you! I find myself writing more when things are feeeling a little "hairy" and I'm just so happy for you that your readers responded and kept you motivated to keep pressing forward. To keep sharing your soul. Look at the magic you created by putting your heart out there for the world to read. Every day I'm grateful for people like you and Jean over at Unpickled. You are the reason why I felt safe to quit. Those of us with "high bottoms" (and no, I'm not talking about my ass) sometime wonder if we really have a problem. If it weren't for you and Unpickled, I'd probaly still be questioning it myself. I love that you have been able to embrace life fully. Loving, laughing, crying-sober. I feel the same kind of freeedom and happiness you talk about and it makes me want to scream out loud, "WE CAN DO THIS! DO YOU SEE US? WE ARE DANCING SOBER!!!" Love you, your words, your beautiful shining spirit!

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  21. Still here lotta - two months sober just clicked over! I did four years and had a slip but you got me to put that bottle down again and live a sober life again. Haven't visited the new site yet. X

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  22. Congratulations on 3 years! You are such a wonderful role model!

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