Monday, August 4, 2014

Hotel mini bars...

So our three sons went to my sisters for the weekend and Mr D and I went to a HOTEL for TWO NIGHTS with NO KIDS!!!!!!

It was awesome. It was low-key and relaxing and treaty and peaceful and lovely. We just hung out happily in each others company doing not much but reading books and surfing the net and watching tele and I did a face pack and painted my nails and we went out for brunch twice and dinner once and to a couple of movies.

If I was the old me - the boozy me - I would have seen this weekend as the perfect excuse to drink more than usual. Fun treaty weekend! Time for bubbles! Bloody Mary for brunch! Lets have cocktails before dinner! A nightcap before bed! Glug glug glug.

I would have boozed throughout, slept like crap, dragged my sorry hungover body around during the day.. I would have just been that boozy version of me that I was for so long. I've written about this before here.

And the hotel had made it easy for me to do that… I'm telling you, the mini-bar was stocked to the gunnels with booze. There was sooooo much grog in that tiny fridge I'm surprised there was room for anything else. It'd be hard if you were still being tempted by booze if you had that little fridge in your face. I'd call ahead and have it emptied if I was in early sobriety I think.

But I'm not tempted by that shit any more or swayed by their fancy labels. Their labels might as well read 'EVIL DRUG THAT WILL MESS WITH YOUR LIFE'.. coz that's how I see the stuff now. No offense to clever beer brewers or talented wine makers. I respect your craft. But for me - quite simply - your product is an evil drug that will mess with my life.

I took half of it out to make room for the deli foods I'd bought along… and had a ginger beer on Friday night in a martini glass, and on Saturday night I had an iced tea with an ice cube in it in a martini glass. The rest of the time I drank herbal tea or coffee.

It didn't matter one bit. Booze couldn't have added anything to this weekend. It would have taken away. I did lush out a bit on pate and tasty cheeses and ginger crunch and stuff. But those things don't dull my senses or affect my sleep or fuck with my addicted brain.

I got interviewed this afternoon for a parenting magazine about my drinking and sobriety and the blog/book/new website. It was fun - the journalist was lovely. At one point she asked me "do you feel sad thinking that you won't be able to drink ever again?"

I answered her from the deep down honest bottom of my soul.

No. I do not feel sad that I will never drink alcohol ever again.

Love, Mrs D xxx



50 comments:

  1. Sounds like you had a lovely weekend Mrs D! I admire yoiu so much. I hope I can do that one day; go to a hotel and be booze free.

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  2. I would like to write something deep an meaningful, but what I really feel like saying is "can your sister have my girl for the weekend?" :). So glad you had a lovely weekend. Gosh, a weekend like that would have been an excuse for me to glug glug too. Hmmmm, maybe time to treat my partner to some time away with me and no kids, and most importantly NO BOOZE!

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  3. It sounds delightful! - add booze and it would have been dreadful! Am off to hotel at end of month for hubby's birthday so might take your advice Mrs D and get them to empty the sodding mini bar first. makes you think though, imagine the kerfuffle if they put cocaine or heroin in little mini drug stations in hotel rooms! help yourself and pay when you leave! alcohol is just as devastating as other drugs :(

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  4. So pleased that you had a great weekend away.... I have not had a drink for 11 days.... I really feel like one.... But I won't.... Had two invitations to go out over the weekend... Too scared to be around alcohol .... Hope I can be social again one day...I love socalising

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  5. Hi mrs d and sober friends im just jumping on board this blogging gig and want to join in. Im 46 mother of 2 now adult girls with 3 grand babies. I put dwn my last drink june 28th ! So over a month now and my god i feel so good. I have waisted 30 years of my life drinking that shit, its bloody madness. Its not till u sober up and your body and mind start to clear that you see alcohol for what it really is. I love being sober. I started to hate being drunk, it wasnt fun anymore, i became its slave. 30 years a 'slave'... no more! So hi im jen and im an alcoholic!

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    1. Just wanted to say Hi Jen.g! I am 53 and I too wasted far too much time over the past 30 (?) years on alcohol. Like many of us I think, not full blown drinking every day to excess stuff, but waking up on too many weekends feeling crap and annoyed and Finally realising it wasn't worth it. Am now at 90 days sober so I wish you all the very best!

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    2. Thank u we can all do this, i know that there will be days harder than others, and there have been some tough moments, but nothing is worth giving up sobriety for...

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    3. Hi Jen,g and FinallyDawned, I too am similar to you. 53 and 2 boys teenagers and more than 30 years boozing. I put my last drink down on 22 June and am feeling much better for it. I had had a guts full and really have no wish or desire to have any more alcohol. I was drinking a lot, up to 2 bottles of wine a night.
      Absolutely love the better sleep I am getting, but having said that last night was a bad nights sleep, so off to snuggle up and have a good nights sleep tonight. Continue to be strong everyone. And thank you again Mrs D for getting us all on this path !

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  6. Go Mrs D! How totally fab your weekend away was; a chance to reconnect with Mr D - and have a mini-honeymoon treat; which so appeals to the 'incurable romantic' in me. And your mother is a gem. Luckily for me, I have one just like her too; one who sees the value in giving a daughter or son (for that matter) a special weekend to look forward to; bless mothers hearts everywhere.

    And now you will always really 'get' the benefit of that 'special weekend' time away because you're doing it sober! Which is so cool.

    I've read every one of your posts since watching the 3rd Degree expose on you. You're blog is a breath of 'sober' fresh air; no question there.

    I don't think I've ever had an issue with the 'sauce' on a regular basis. In fact, earlier this year I gave up drinking alcohol and coffee/tea for medical reasons. It felt like the right thing to do; gave my body a chance to heal itself. And I liked 'not drinking'. But before you gag, I have to confess; I have been known to drink to excess. Which, when I think about it now, makes me realise how stupid I was to let other people influence me, and out of weakness and lack of confidence (I didn't want to offend the host who was filling my glass before it was empty) I went along for the 'drunk ride'. Not proud of myself here.

    I guess these days I would be in Mr D's camp as far as drinking goes - social, casual, can take it or leave it on any given day of the week.

    But I grew up with an alcoholic father. Who was also abusive. Verbally. Physically. My youngest sister has an issue with alcohol. Just my opinion. Not hers. I have friends/rellies that drink to excess and become 'ugly' and then hide behind tired old excuses for their bad behaviour; like, they can't remember what they said or did.....nah I didn't say or do that....or you just took that the wrong way..... bla bla. I have other single friends/rellies that drink on their own after work; its their wind-down tool and has been described to me as 'their only friend'. Excessive alcohol consumption, or any alcohol for an alcoholic is 'no friend' to anyone. If we have it under control; great stuff. If we don't, then it ain't too pretty.

    People drink for all sorts of reasons/excuses as you have said so well in all your posts! Good on you for being the voice and face that has spoken up.

    Being sober and enjoying life is the best high there is!

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  7. Mrs D that perfectly sums up my weekends away in the past- the exciting buzz of those first couple of drinks and then the waking up in the morning feeling rough and so cross with myself that I've blighted half of the precious break with a hangover. So I was mighty pleased with myself a couple of months ago to manage my first weekend away without booze! You really feel you're squeezing every ounce / gram (!) of enjoyment out of the experience. What a good idea to replace mini bar stuff with edible goodies! Like it!

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  8. I'm with you. ... Not even the tiniest but sad about never drinking again. Being booze free is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

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    1. Still waiting for that "like" button. :)

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    2. Oh I know I'm reading everyone's and want to like them all!

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  9. A longtime overdueAugust 4, 2014 at 8:48 PM

    Just read your emotional roller coaster bit, ie. post pink cloud last night. OMG, I so expected to be floating on water since ditching the booze. I had the pink cloud stage, and have travelled back down, not helped by tiredness due to late night Comm Games viewing. Bit of a bastard really, but I keep the faith that it will come right in the long run. Like so many others, I totally love seeing a new post up from you. Like the old you, I would have attacked a weekend away in the same manner. My big challenge comes in a couple of months when I get 12 days away - a first ever. Hope to be back in the pink cloud by then! xxx

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  10. So true Mrs D and you make me want to wish time away to be where you are in your journey. I'm still struck by hankering moments and I can't wait to be at your point of total clarity about not wanting or needing it ever again :) xx

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  11. Mrs D and others, the descriptionof the past weekends away were so familiar to me, and to my husband, they would be too, as he'll well remember the times I would have spoilt the treat by overdoing the drinking. I want to suggest a time away soon but still have that hankering for a drink, just the habit, really. But I think I could do it, with hishelp and your support and ideas. So glad for your weekend, you have a lot on and deserved it.

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  12. I'm with you I love sober weekends away, the fact that you can remember them with such clarity rather than misted in fog from having dulled them with drink. Also have you tried the Hopt Elderberry and herb soda? It's yummmm and not so much sugar as many other sodas.

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  13. If you really need to have a ginger beer in a martini glass.....

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    1. Ms Penelope DroppedAugust 5, 2014 at 10:36 AM

      Sweetie-further reading required, you seem to be flunking Mrs D 101!

      Denial really doesn't seem to feature in Mrs D's recovery from my reading of her generously offered private internal musings.

      ...."NEED to have a ginger beer in a martini glass"....or......"WANT to have a ginger beer in a martini glass".....

      Mrs D has abandoned booze not stemware! :-) Rue the day a mother of three boys is only allowed to enjoy the leftover dregs of a child's ginger beer drained from a melamine Thomas the Tank Engine tumbler.

      Anyway....Mrs D quite obviously doesn't need me to ramble on, on her behalf!

      Mrs D you really are putting the glamour into sobriety...the face pack, the nails, the treats, the lounging!! I really think you need an antique silk Kimono/lounging coat ASAP to keep the aesthetic rolling.

      Anyhow-much to do...now Anonymous you need to bend over and I will spank your hairy little Troll bottom....SNAP!!

      Keep cool Dudes,
      Penny

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  14. Fantastic! Nothing like waking up without a hangover; it's the thing that gets me through the (sometimes) difficult evenings.

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  15. Oh I so look forward to being there. Thanks for such a lovely description of your weekend. I'm keeping strong and look forward to the new website.

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  16. I sooo want to be sauce free! Have only managed 4 days in a row in July since then it's been most of a bottle a night. I spend most of the day ok but once 5pm comes , I loose it. I'm really trying but not much success :(

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    1. Morning Noelle,I know the feeling. Mrs D's reading list is a really good start. Ive onlyu managed to find Allan Carrs 'Easy way to control Alcohol' in the Otago bookshops, as yet but it's a great start in helping you to adopt a different attitude to alcohol. So keep going, if we can ,you can, I just know it.

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    2. Hey Noelle - make today the day that you start the rest of your life. Imagine your future full of happy, honest, clear and yes "fun" days. You can do it. If I can do it and all the others on here can do it you can do it. I really really struggled, been trying repetitively for well over 2 years to give up every Monday and one day just woke up and said I'm doing it and Mrs D came along a week later and provided the focus and support via the blog and I was off. So if I can do it you can too. Good luck - if you can get on here at your weakest time - there will be someone here if not lurking.

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    3. Thank you soo much Squizi and Mrs A. Your support is awesome! Went without the whole day today. Yay! I bought Jason Vale on e books. Was good. I even took notes!

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  17. Just remembered, Mrs D you mention info on facebook about alcohol in food or cooking? I'm not on facebook , can this info be refered to on the blog? Thanks

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  18. Day 16. Out for my birthday tea last night. Very nice. Wifey enjoyed one small glass of wine. (How does she do that?!) Had a birthday toast - her wine to my orange juice. Told me she was very proud of me for stopping drinking. Powerful moment for me. Brought a tear to my eye. That positive feedack is so important. Enjoy being sober today friends! xx

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    1. A longtime overdueAugust 5, 2014 at 10:02 AM

      That is so funny - how does she do that?! I agree and the boozer in me, thinks why even bother, where's the fun in one small glass. And the boozer in me wishes I could do just that. Sadly no, all or nothing!

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  19. Hey Lotta - so pleased for you. I think of you regularly over the last few weeks with so much pressure and focus on you since you're "coming out" and then the unexpected bonus of being asked to launch the new website. Wow being sober has become a full time job for you!!! Could we even go as far as calling it a "career"?? So pleased you are still role modelling for us all throughout this high pressure time and taking time to care for yourself and ensuring that life balance and treaty times are all in place.

    But reading your comments did send a little ripple of fear through my stomach as I think of a weekend coming up later in the year. I am sure we all have an upcoming event that lurks in the recesses of our minds.

    It is not a romantic weekend away, rather an annual weekend away with very good friends where we basically eat and drink the weekend away and return home much quieter than we left nursing hangovers and queasy tummies that no amount of Maccers can relieve.

    So our trip this year is planned for the Martinborough wine festival where you jump on a bus and get transported between wineries. Sounds fantastic doesn't it? Well it did 2 months ago when I signed up for it! Not so much now!!!

    So what to do??? Do I do as Lotta did and embrace those drinking situations with enthusiasm and determination to enjoy it and not affect the others from feeling uncomfortable during their enthusiastic continuous drinking.

    Or... do I pull out? They won't be happy. We are a group that always do everything together - its our thing you know. And my husband is very funny and when he isn't there "it isn't the same" as they say if we even decline anything.

    My husband thinks we shouldn't be going. I keep having little niggly thoughts saying "maybe just one weekend and then straight back into sober living". Maybe I could do that?? It would be so much fun!!

    But to be honest last time we did this I had been sober for 8 months and broke it for this same weekend away 2 years ago and its taken me all this time to give up again with very focused and determined efforts (every Monday!!).

    I don't know what to do???? Help anyone - all advice and strong opinions welcome!! Feel free... pour your hearts out... long depressing, boring stories of relapse especially welcome!!!

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    1. Hiya Squizzi
      What a tricky situation. I like you have those thoughts all the time. Maybe if I just have one tonight and then go back to being sober. The other week I was cooking, and put some red wine in the meal. I figured teh booze burns off so will be ok. but having that bottle sitting next to me was to much of a tempation. I poured my partner a glass, and lifted it to my lips for a taste. Something stopped me though, and I know once I had drunken it i wouldn't have stopped. And then it would be back to square one. And me saying to myself, oghh I will start again tomorrow, and tomorrow will never come.
      I know I can't trust myself, so have to stay sober. You can't worry about being everyone else's entertainment, they say those things because they enjoy your company, but don't understand the pain you are going through.
      Be strong and listen to your head, I am sure you will make the right choice for you...

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    2. A longtime overdueAugust 5, 2014 at 10:05 AM

      I have the same situation coming up in Oct. Although I feel confident my friends would respect my decision - after all they know precisely the boozer I am. Easy to be confident now when it is still a couple of months away. You could pull the old "I'm on antibiotics trick". A little white lie might give you the breathing space you need to get your way through the weekend and prove to yourself you can do it. Which I know you can.x

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    3. Hi Squizzy, that is one hell of a predicament!! Imagine how incredibly proud of yourself you'll feel if you can do that weekend sober! Maybe afterwards you could put the money you would've spent on wine towards some jewellery to always remind yourself how strong you've become.

      Your posts are always so positive and encouraging, i reckon you're up to the ultimate challenge!

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    4. Ms Penelope DroppedAugust 5, 2014 at 10:52 AM

      Squizzi! Hey there!

      Do you think you could do something for us? Could you write us two creatively visualised synopsis of how the weekend will play out?

      One where you imbibe and say "Get the damn cork out of that thing I'm gasping!!!"

      .........and another where you breezily announce "I'm off the booze, I don't want to miss a minute of this weekend with you guys....I love you all!" and meet the misty eyes of your proud friends: all the while a tiny, itsy-bitsy 'lil' Mrs D sits on your shoulder filing her nails, lying on a miniature sun lounger, several truly shit ladies trashy mags (New World Littlest Shop size) spread on her lap and a teensy weensy mocktail, with a even more miniscule umbrella teetering on the edge of a small pineapple and whispers in your ear "Groovy! You don't need that shit in your life!!".....

      Do what you need to do my friend.
      Penny

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    5. Hi Squizzi,
      I've been in Hospo all my life (got out in my mid 30's to be a mum and now I'm a teacher) in all that time I was drinking wine.
      We had wine tastings, wine matching with food, wine this wine that! My life revolved around wine.
      I gave up my nasty wine habit only a few weeks ago so am still being very careful and trying not to be around it much, not because I think I will cave but because I'm not ready to put myself through that yet.
      It really depends on how strong you feel, a wine festival after all has copious amounts of wine flowing.
      If it was me I would reconsider going, but at the end of the day it's up to you, where you feel you are at and what benefit is there of you going, other than the challenge of not drinking?
      Hmmm.... What a dilemma!
      I'm sure you will chose the right thing for you,
      Loving your posts too by the way,

      Kersti

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    6. Ms Penelope DroppedAugust 5, 2014 at 11:43 AM

      Squizzi,

      Just another thought.

      This situation could be your biggest nemesis but the people poised to be your greatest support.

      How about dipping your toe in the water with them with a C.C'd to all coming out email?

      That way you don't have to fill in the gaps on how they will take it, they get a heads up, you will have accountability and who knows, someone from your lovely group may think PHEW!! ME TOO!!...

      Kia Kaha.
      Penny

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    7. Hi Squizzy, that is one hell of a predicament!! Imagine how incredibly proud of yourself you'll feel if you can do that weekend sober! Maybe afterwards you could put the money you would've spent on wine towards some jewellery to always remind yourself how strong you've become.

      Your posts are always so positive and encouraging, i reckon you're up to the ultimate challenge!

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    8. Keep up the good work.If you feel strong enough just go...tell little white lies if necessary re medication but go and enjoy being the sober one... you can remember all the antics and may even inspire some of the others to moderate.

      I have had 2 new situations...my daughters birthday( all the family out at dinner) I just ordered a soft drink and nobody noticed/cared then at a friends for lunch..normally have a wine but I just said Im not drinking it dosent agree with me and had a soft drink.

      Thus 2 hurdles passed.

      Best thing is the head clarity...
      You can do it its taken me years

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  20. Wow thank you guys what a wonderful response! All very worthwhile comments. I haven't mentioned till now cos didn't think it was relevant, but last year I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer that went to my lymph nodes (apparently it was an aggressive little bugger!) So ironically I have the perfect excuse and reason! We all know that there is a connection between breast cancer and alcohol. When I was first diagnosed I was shocked and scared that I had caused it and I will never know. When I voiced my concerns my friends all said of course not or else we would have breast cancer - but I don't know.

    So in a funny way I was fortunate enough to be saved from alcoholism (never admitted) by cancer. Chances are I am clear now and will never get it back as long as I follow the lifestyle recommended by experts.

    I recently celebrated one year clearance. Yah!! However it came with some anguish as they found another tumour a couple of months ago, which was biopsied and so the awful wait for test results. They were the worst 3 days of my life. I was beyond petrified. There is no way I could go through it all again.

    So this is my motivator. I have been testing out this reasoning on a couple of friends just saying its like playing Russian Roulette and I just can't live like that.

    I hear you all saying "its a no brainer - and how come she was still drinking the past year at all". Well it just shows you what a hold it had on me.

    It was my coping mechanism so when I was diagnosed the first thing I did was drink a bottle of wine! I read lots of literature and asked specialists who all told me what I wanted to hear "don't do anything radical re lifestyle changes - a couple of wines won't hurt you - blah blah blah". And I clung to those words. But it wasn't a couple of wines was it, nor was it just occasionally or just on weekends.

    So I knew I had to do it but it has taken this long to actually pull it off. A whole frigin year. Really!!! Repetitive attempts. Sheer bloody determination, but always the failing.

    Well not anymore! I will have done 8 weeks end of this week. I think given the importance of this (putting it down in writing is really hitting home as never discussed it in depth before) I shouldn't go to this event. Maybe once I have a lot more time under my belt - but again - its like playing Russian Roulette.

    Maybe I will plan a lovely romantic weekend away with my husband that same weekend instead, so I don't feel too deprived!!

    Thank you all for your support - amazing!!!

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    1. Hey Squizzi,
      Good decision, just got to do what feels right for you. Go with your gut and it's usually right.

      Cancer and alcohol are not a good mix. I too had a cancer scare....cervical though, but that's another story!

      You are courageous and I hope you have a wonderful weekend away instead during the festival,

      Big hugs xx

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    2. Thank you Kersti - hmm hope you are all clear now!

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    3. Yes I am thank you :)

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    4. Hi Squizzi, what a decision to make! I reckon you have made a wise and intelligent decision :) it would be so bloody tempting having it all that wine laid out on a platter - well done! Makes me think of that saying "if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got" in my case that translates to a thumping big hangover and contempt and disgust at myself the day after - sooooo not worth it

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    5. What a fantastic saying (not first time I have heard it obviously but well forgotten and totally applicable). I am going to write that out and put it on my bathroom mirror. Thank you.

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    6. It's on my fridge too :) well done Squizzi and a sober nites sleep to us all x

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    7. That's a great saying and very fitting for us all! There is another one too that I sometimes replay in my head "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"
      Like drinking as heavily as I did and expecting to wake with no hangover....repeating that every day is insanity!

      No more though!

      Squizzi, I'm in Hamilton too, it's a small world :)

      Have a lovely day :)

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    8. Hey great! How far along are you? Sounds like we are discussing pregnancy!!!

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  21. Hi Squizzi - yep - I reckon you've got it sorted! Do the romantic weekend away instead. Ever been to Waiheke Is? Raglan? Your darling has already said he doesn't think you should go to Martinborough.... he wants to keep you happy and healthy and ALIVE. You are almost at 8 weeks sober. Be proud of yourself. You have 'so' made yourself accountable..... right here. Well done to you.

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    1. Thanks Gee for your support - Yes to both those wonderful places - we are Hamiltonians and love the beach! Waiheke now that's a great idea! Mind you I think Waiheke and I think vineyards - maybe Raglan is a better bet!!

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  22. Thank you Mrs D. Looking forward to the new website. I am now on Day 3. I know the real angst is still awaiting for me. Scared! Thank goodness for the support on the internet and reading your book directed me to all this. I am forming my own blog and will be a member on the new site. Look out for "FOREVER FREE". That will be my name. x

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