Because I have come out from behind the lovely protective cloak of anonymity and most people around me know that I blog I'm far less inclined now to give details of what is going on in my life.
I'm not complaining, I chose to release a memoir about my drinking problem and then cry on prime time TV talking about it .. so I've no-one to blame but myself!
I continue to share regularly here on this blog and at Living Sober because I want to help others get free from the evil clutches of booze.. but I also want to maintain some privacy about my life.
So I can't (won't) share the details of a few big things that are going on for me… some things that have been occurring for me … some mistakes that I've made and some big shit that is going down.
But let me just say this.
Shit goes down.
It's hard sometimes. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. It's not nice. I'd rather not make mistakes, or have to feel emotional pain.
Or would I? Would I really rather sail through life with no trials and tribulations? Can anyone do that?
How can I love wholeheartedly and be open not feel pain sometimes? People get sick and die. People can be hurtful. That happens.
How can I be brave and open and avoid making mistakes sometimes? Without mistakes I wouldn't learn.
I want to stay open. I don't want to close up. I don't want to go into 'fright and flight' mode (to quote Tara Brach) and live in that scared miserable place. I want to be open and alive to all that comes. Even the hard stuff.
And that is why I choose to be sober, and to cry and to feel all the time and to never escape.
I didn't know that was what I was choosing when I decided to remove alcohol from my life 1170 days ago. But boy am I happy that this was the end result of my big decision.
I love being sober. Have I mentioned that before?
Love, Mrs D xxx