I just feel really pissed off actually, and stressed. And fucking grumpy that I can't have a drink to relax. Just caught a bit of Mad Men and they were pouring whiskeys like they're going out of fashion. Others around me are drinking French Champagne to celebrate engagements. I'm pissed off that I have a bloody drinking problem and I have to abstain. That's it. So there. Here it is. Stress pure and simple, this is a hard time. Stupid drinking problems. Stupid sobriety. Stupid relocations. Stupid house sales. Everything is fucking stupid.
Sorry not signing off with a 'Love, Mrs D' tonight because I'm too grumpy.
So, bye.
(no kisses either)
Unload on us, Mrs. D! We can take it!
ReplyDeleteLife will be comfortable again soon!
{{{Hugs}}}
Ah sucky suck!!! and other things that rhyme with that! haha.
ReplyDeleteLook after you. Have thought about you on a number of occasions........really got to have a d&m convo with my uncle who has put himself "on the wagon" and just told him that I'd be here to support him.... he's finding it rather hard too.
Love from me. With big squeezy hugs. :)
I hear ya! I know you aren't considering going to meetings, but I gotta tell ya, I'm starting to find them a great place to take my struggles - and leave them there. I can't believe it, but I'm starting to love getting together with all those courageous and kind-hearted alcoholics. Hope today is a brighter day for you. xx
ReplyDelete"Ahhh, poor baby." (That is being said with sincerity and empathy, not sarcasm). I understand and the worse part is that we get no sympathy from those that are still partaking. They just don't understand what it is like not to be able to reach for a little "cure-all elixir" when we are tired, or blue, or stressed...they don't get it because they can still can and you can't fully appreciate how much you relied on booze to fix everything until its no longer an option and you have to fix it yourself or just endure.
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse. You could be a scum sucking liar that twists things around and vastly exaggerates. You could be a stay at home mom without the mom part that stays home on her computer and saps the energy and joy out of life. I'd say you have it pretty good. So pour yourself a club soda and lime or lemon and toast yourself that you're not an energy sucking, lying, delusional, loser.
ReplyDeleteFair enough
DeleteSomething tells me you're going to be okay. You acknowledge truth and what you're feeling and not what other people want to hear. Madmen is cool but most of those people are dead for real. You're going to live, live, live!
DeleteStupid fucking disease...it sucks!
ReplyDeleteKeep unloading! We'll take it all!
I promise it will get better. I had to stop watching Mad Men too. It got boring and all I could see anymore was the whiskey and the cigarettes. Ugh!
Yes, my life has been a bit like that recently. Really resentful that I can't have a drink.
ReplyDeleteEveryone around me drinking away. I had to work really hard to remind myself why I can't drink, and that for a normal person who happens not to drink alcohol it wouldn't be a problem. They wouldn't even think about it.
I don't eat coleslaw. I don't like it. I don't get in a big stress about it.
I am trying to pretend alcohol is like coleslaw. But it isn't.
We here 'get it'. My family didn't even comment on my not drinking. They seem to take it for granted. They have no idea.
I have to work hard at not getting all resentful. Punishing them for being normal. Because it's all about me.
Oh, well. This too shall pass.
We're all learning how to use new tools in our tool belt, instead of going to booze each and every time. It's going to feel clumsy and uncomfortable sometimes, but that's what it's like to learn how to use a wrench or a saw the first time when all you've ever used is a hammer.
ReplyDeletePrayers, hugs and positive thoughts! I empathize with your struggle and I admire your strength. I keep falling off the wagon in these early days, but I think that over time it does and will get easier. In the end it is always worth it. Keep on keepin' on, Mrs. D!
ReplyDeleteI will have to agree with you on this one, Mrs. D. At times this disease can suck big 'ol balls. Sorry, for the tackiness. But it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteI celebrated one year of sobriety shortly after I moved across country and it wasn't even acknowledged by the man who was with me through all of it. They don't get it and it just isn't that important to them. Unless they were the ones getting sober. THEN it would be important. Or if we were still off our ass drunk out there. THEN us being sober would be important. But once we hang up our corkscrew....eh, not so much.
:-)
I am gonna send you some love anyway. Stay strong! Yep, sucks at times, but it's better than how we were living. ++HUGS++
ReplyDeleteGood stuff you're getting all that shit out! Lots of strength, love and hugs to you - you are the BEST! Hang in there my friend *hugs*
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that! If you feel like shit, feel like shit! If you're feeling pissed off, be pissed off. The feeling always passes. Too many times we try to change what we are feeling to "happy little platitudes" but then we miss out in living in the moment. Live it, then drop it, then move on. We've all been there, and we'll be there again! Soon this will be a memory....
ReplyDeletejust go have a drink PLEASE and stop all the whining - you'll see that it's not as wonderful as you once thought and it's not going to fix anything but atleast you'll get it out of your system and will NOT be the end of the world just because you had a drink (or 3 or 5) - And you'll see how much you don't need it anyway
ReplyDeleteReally?
DeleteVery bad idea- NAME shit, don't drown it. There is power in naming feelings. Mrs. D. is finding power and clarity by naming things.
DeleteNo kisses?! Well I never.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I tried to comment on your last post and I don't think it ever went through, but I wanted to say you're doing absolutely wonderful for your first year of sobriety. I'm in my first year too and it's rough and I'm not even selling my house and getting ready to move.
I can totally relate to feeling resentful that others get to drink while I can't, but I can still easily recall how fast my life was falling apart and how out of control I felt. When I compare it to then, I just hang in there until I come out the other side.
Hang in there. You are doing GREAT.
I would highly recommend not following anonymous' advice. That's a dangerous place. That was obviously written by someone who is not an addict.
ReplyDeleteMrs D, you keep on your path. Like Kristen and many others have said, you are doing great, it may not feel like it all the time, but you ARE!!!!
I'm with Julie. Hope you don't listen to anyone telling you to throw your hard earned and (on more days than not) oh so rewarding sobriety out the window. This, too, will pass. You are amazing. xx
ReplyDeleteDo not listen to Anonymous for a second. Whatever his/her motives the advice is wrong and dangerous.
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better.
PS I meant Anonymous of May 17th.
ReplyDeleteI think Anonymous of May 17th might be "a-dickt!" :)
ReplyDeleteSome people (anonymous) are really confused; avoid them.
ReplyDeleteThere are two anonymous folks, maybe 3. I am May 16 and I say, "no drinkie"
ReplyDelete