My general state is kind of busy and glum, mixed in with some crazy highs for the littlest things. Found out yesterday my boys can get straight into a Scout group in the new city (I was worried they'd have to join a waiting list) and you would have thought I'd won the lottery!!! So happy I felt pure joy course through my veins I was really really high for a while. Someone commented on here that the low lows are balanced out with high highs when you're sober going through such an intense time and this sure felt like it! I think more highs like that will come when all the hard work associated with leaving is over and we're on our new adventure. I hope so.
Today waiting for the real estate agent to come over for our first ever open home I got progressively more nervous until just before she arrived I actually felt really anxious and sort of paranoid. Pure stress and anxiety, my heart was racing it was crazy. I just tried to close my eyes and calm myself by thinking 'what's actually going on here'. It was just nervous energy but it sure was a powerful feeling. She finally arrived, we had a quick chat, then I left her to it and raced over the road to have a cup of tea with the neighbours and spy through their net curtains as cars came and went.
Crazy relocation roller coaster.
Tonight I'm in bed early eating a Perky Nana. Must keep an eye on this sugar-in-bed habit.
I'm sorry, I'm tired and feel like I'm repeating myself here. Still stressed. Still sad. Still sober. Still self-obsessed. I suppose this is my blog, I can write what I want. Truth is, I want to be ... what do I want ... I want to be ... I want to be normal and ordnary. I don't want to be uniquely sober, I just want to be ordinary. Maybe sober is the new ordinary? It is my new ordnary.. although it's still fairly new, 8 months or so. What do they say about not making any big changes in the first year of sobriety? Must have lost that memo. Anyway, I'm rambling. Off to sleep... gotta get back on that roller coaster tomorrow.
Love, Mrs D xxx