My general state is kind of busy and glum, mixed in with some crazy highs for the littlest things. Found out yesterday my boys can get straight into a Scout group in the new city (I was worried they'd have to join a waiting list) and you would have thought I'd won the lottery!!! So happy I felt pure joy course through my veins I was really really high for a while. Someone commented on here that the low lows are balanced out with high highs when you're sober going through such an intense time and this sure felt like it! I think more highs like that will come when all the hard work associated with leaving is over and we're on our new adventure. I hope so.
Today waiting for the real estate agent to come over for our first ever open home I got progressively more nervous until just before she arrived I actually felt really anxious and sort of paranoid. Pure stress and anxiety, my heart was racing it was crazy. I just tried to close my eyes and calm myself by thinking 'what's actually going on here'. It was just nervous energy but it sure was a powerful feeling. She finally arrived, we had a quick chat, then I left her to it and raced over the road to have a cup of tea with the neighbours and spy through their net curtains as cars came and went.
Crazy relocation roller coaster.
Tonight I'm in bed early eating a Perky Nana. Must keep an eye on this sugar-in-bed habit.
I'm sorry, I'm tired and feel like I'm repeating myself here. Still stressed. Still sad. Still sober. Still self-obsessed. I suppose this is my blog, I can write what I want. Truth is, I want to be ... what do I want ... I want to be ... I want to be normal and ordnary. I don't want to be uniquely sober, I just want to be ordinary. Maybe sober is the new ordinary? It is my new ordnary.. although it's still fairly new, 8 months or so. What do they say about not making any big changes in the first year of sobriety? Must have lost that memo. Anyway, I'm rambling. Off to sleep... gotta get back on that roller coaster tomorrow.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Happy to read you are able to recognize the feelings. Keep up the good work... At least you have people looking at the house. Although a pain in the arse, one of them will bite and you can move on.
ReplyDeleteOh God, are you living in my head? I am feeling all washed out this morning after a night long pity party I am still throwing for myself this morning.
ReplyDeleteI've suffered the occasional panic attack myself and have those "ah-ha" moments when I remind myself, "This is normal nervousness, you used to have this before you started drowning yourself with liquid courage."
Pot and paranoia? Pot made me paranoid and horny, a very strange mixture, indeed.
Yay . The scout groups good news - all helps with settling them in doesn't it !
ReplyDeleteOn a tangent - ive just googled perky nana ..... We neeeeed these in the uk !
So hard to keep it cool and professional and business like when you are selling something as personal as your home...
ReplyDeleteDon't let the agent wear you down - and thanks for all your supportive comments.
It is your blog and you can write what you want. Moving is incredibly stressful.
ReplyDeleteAnd a return to the old habits and ways of numbing out is no longer an option. Hang in there, Mrs D.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Perky Nana's are my biggest downfall in the confectionary department!! mmmmmm.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) for all the crap times. x
What is a perky nana?? I think I want one. We don't have those here in the US...well at least not in the Northeast. Hmmmm.
ReplyDelete