Thursday, May 10, 2012

Eating slice in bed

Sad and grumpy here, again.  Got on a bit of a high last week what with finding a nice place to rent in the city we're headed to and finishing getting the house ready to sell but the high slowly faded away and the hard emotions associated with this move are to the fore again.

Trying hard not to be too 'woe is me' but also trying to honour my feelings.  I hate being flat and negative, but this is a tricky situation because even though I want to move because Mr D's new job is perfect and I know we'll be fine in the new place, I'm really not enjoying all the hard work associated with packing up and selling and all the emotion associated with leaving our lovely community.  The house is on the market now so I'm also feeling anxious to keep the place tidy and feeling kind of exposed having to pop out whenever agents want to bring someone round to view. My home is no longer my sanctuary, it's a show home.

God I'm winging and moaning.  I'm feeling so sorry for myself I actually said 'a wine would be nice' tonight when I was looking at Mr D's glass on the kitchen bench and you know what?  I said that because I wanted him to feel sorry for me, not because I wanted a wine. How terrible is that?!  Ah fuck it.  Maybe I do want more recognition sometimes for what I'm doing getting through all of this sober.  But I suppose people would forget that it's hard to do (to never ever touch alcohol) if I never talk about it, which I haven't been lately.

Anyhoo, I stuck my nose into his glass when I was putting it into the dishwasher and once again the smell was so familiar and so reminded me of a miserable obsession.  So much time that I spent filling my body with an artificial warmth that tricked me into thinking it made things better, blurring my thoughts, squashing down my feelings and slowly killing my soul.  I am so so happy that I am sober now, I really am.  I feel grateful and thankful and proud that I am doing things the hard way but the better way.  Better for me, better for my kids and better for my relationship.  Also to show other heavy drinkers that it can be done.  It can be done people, it can be done.

Tonight instead of dealing to my emotions with shiraz I am dealing to them with a delicious slice I made by combining crushed biscuits with coconut, finely chopped dried apricots and crystallised ginger, mixing that with melted butter and sweetened condensed milk, pressing it out and chilling it, then icing it with lemon icing.  I'm on piece number four, eating it in bed, and I don't care what anyone thinks about that.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. You certainly topped off this blog post with a moment of luxury :-) Sending you a big warm hug for encouragement *HUGS*

  2. I think eating slices in bed sounds lovely and decadent. This is a time to be kind to yourself!

  3. You're going through such a major life change with the move and you are handling it sober! And with much grace. You hang in there Mrs. D! The best is yet to come! I can't wait to read about all of your new adventures in your new city!


  4. Good for you! Love that recipe, I might try that.

  5. As you always say to me..."Good on you!" You are doing a stellar job of dealing with all this moving crap SOBER. It's hard to deal with life without our friend. Our best friend (even if our best friend tried to kill us). Now we're out here all alone with ourselves and our feelings and sometimes it's just so hard!

    But we trudge through and come out on the other side triumphant once again because we are strong, confident, sober women!!!

    However, I really think Mr. D should stop drinking around you. I know you're strong enough to handle it but it just seems insensitive to me...but that's just me.

    Bravo Mrs. D!

  6. You sound like you're making the best of a hard time in your life. I know exactly what you mean about just craving acknowledgement sometimes that what you're doing is absolutely hard and that we're not just doing it for ourselves but our families. Continue treating yourself to what sounds like an amazing dessert and take care of yourself. It will get better.

  7. I loved what you said about alcohol slowly killing your soul. I had never thought of it that way, but what a perfect description.
    I hope dessert in bed was yummy!

  8. I really look up to you! Congratulations on staying strong and that dessert sounds YUM! Soon enough you will make a new home for your and your family...with new memories made, sans alocohol :) xo

  9. hahah I love that last was like you were so sticking up your middle finger!!
    You deserve to spoil yourself with slice in bed. :)