It's pissing down. Raining really heavily. I've got Janis Ian playing and a scented candle burning. Have just discovered a leak in our study.
Am about to start packing the suitcases for our our annual big extended family Easter holiday. We leave on a ferry tomorrow for 5 days of food and drink and family fun in a remote isolated location. 20 adults. 10 kids. Forecast is for rain.
Just got a group email from one of the lovely hosts warning us to bring good wet weather gear. She ended it with the line "safe travels tomorrow and the gin and tonics will be ready".
Not for me thanks! Maybe I'll have a soft drink in a wine glass. Or maybe I'll have a nice cup of herbal tea. Because I don't drink alcohol any more. I'll be raising a glass of self-esteem instead.
That comment isn't a reflection on my family, or a judgement. It's just about me.
Four years ago I turned up for this holiday, started drinking at 2pm and didn't stop. I got completely shitfaced and passed out in bed early in the evening. I had to leave the dinner table without saying goodnight because I'd lost the ability to talk. It was awful.
I spent the rest of the weekend quietly miserable. Still drinking of course, but just quietly, deeply miserable.
So this weekend, with my family all drinking around me, I'll feel invisibly wrapped in my warm cloak of sobriety and quietly toast myself for having turned my life around.
That's not to say it won't be tricky at times. 5 days is a long time to be around family.. especially in a confined space with it raining constantly. But I love my family.. all of them..and I wouldn't miss this annual get-together for the world.
There will be an Easter Egg hunt, and the famous Easter disco (costumes welcome!), and there will be lots of chatting and catching up and re-connecting. Everyone has their own stuff going on, and it helps me to remember that. There will rosters for cooking and doing dishes and lots of delicious food, and yes there will be lots of wine and gin and tonics.. but I'll look after myself. I'll keep my lovely online sober community in mind and take myself away if need be. I have some good novels.
And it's not a bad spot to be.
Happy Easter everyone!
Love, Mrs D xxx