I AM SO GODDAM HAPPY I AM SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just cannot believe my good fortune that I managed to get myself rid of that shitty, lying, brain-numbing, stupid, life-avoiding liquid.
I don't blame myself for spending so many years drinking it. It was presented to me by my society as an ordinary, everyday drink that is to be used at every social occasion, used to help with stress and sadness, and used to make evenings more fun and enjoyable. It was simply presented to me as an ordinary part of life.
And so for 20+ years I adopted an enthusiastic-alcohol-drinking attitude that fitted me like a glove.
Until it didn't.
It all turned to shit, alcohol turned on me and I hit a really low place and went through an incredibly intense few years of getting that shit out of my life and re-adjusting to a life that wasn't awash with booze.
OMG I can't even summarise how much work went into that transition but it's all here in this blog which I have been writing since the start. Suffice to say a HUGE amount of 'work' (brain-retraining, practising a raw life, learning new ways of being) has occurred and now here I am a sober woman living without any alcohol at all.
And holy smokes.. boy am I DELIGHTED that I am here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's incredible!!!!!!!! Alcohol is so not necessary!!! Sure, it appeals because it's a drug that re-creates happy endorphins and feel-good emotions ... and it blurs and numbs which is incredibly attractive because being a human is HARD FUCKING WORK! (that annoying over-working, over-dominant frontal lobe which is hard to get away from)... I get it, I get why so may humans drink it.
But being here now in this place that I am in, living a life which is free of any mind-bending drugs, living day after day after day being clear in my head, enjoying the slow accumulation of lovely benefits that comes from this... its all just so incredibly rewarding and lovely.
That's the thing. It's not what I'm missing, it's what I've gained.
I have gained a sense of calm that is out of this world. Pride and self-belief that is priceless. A level of connectedness with myself, my family and all the humans around me which is deeply satisfying. And most of all a life which is incredibly interesting, stimulating and fascinating. Anyone with half a brain would relish the pure interest that comes from the recovery process.
It's just great. I love, love, love, love living sober. Where I am now is worth all of the hard work, all of the uncomfortable re-adjustments, all of the grit and tears (those that have already occurred and those that are still to come).
It's all just so worth it.
Love, Mrs D xxx