Thursday, October 26, 2017

Lollies, lollies everywhere!!!

Last night I had the biggest sugar binge known to mankind. It was totally reckless and crazy, especially given I've been about 3 and a half months mostly sugar and flour free. Have been doing incredibly well with my food - finally after 6 years of sobriety! - thanks to the Bright Line Eating book by Dr Susan Peirce Thompson. I've been following her plan to the letter, have been free of cravings and guilt and have lost 7kg (that's over 15 pounds for you lot overseas).

But yesterday afternoon I was sitting at the pool while my son had his swimming lesson and my whole body was aching thanks to a sore back I got over the weekend sleeping on a shitty bed, a heavy period and just general hunger and tiredness. I got home and ate a small dinner then without even deciding to I hooked into some leftover lollies from our weekend away and just ATE THEM ALL LIKE A CRAZY WOMAN!

I didn't even care! I hid in my bedroom and went crazy. Mini bag after mini bag I tore open and shoved them in my gob. My mouth and tongue hurt, my fingers were sticky, I knew that I'd feel sick afterwards and really bad this morning but I just kept going. More, more, more, more, more.

Then I fell asleep surrounded by empty packets and woke up with candy stuck in my hair. I'm not even joking.

But you know what? I'm not beating myself up. I am not. I am treating myself with kindness and understanding because if nothing else over the 6 years of being sober I have learned that this is the most important thing. To pick yourself up with kindness, to forge ahead knowing and accepting that you're not perfect and never will be. To acknowledge that being a human is hard fucking work and sometimes hormones and exhaustion and general over-it feelings about life will be overwhelming. And to know that a binge does not equal me going back into a world of crappy habits.

I am learning so much about myself and my brain and how I work and who I am. I am a vastly different, much more wide-awake person than I was when I first started on my recovery journey. I have come SUCH a long way, and have been through such immense personal growth.. like seriously what I have learnt and what I have done in turning my life around is fucking impressive and it's impacted not only me but all my loved ones.

So one almighty, colossal sugar binge is not going to suddenly send me backwards.. it's simply not possible for me to go back to who I was before. I know too much, understand too much, feel too different and have new habits and desires.

I do have a bit of a sick feeling in my tummy but today will be back to a normal day for me food-wise. Lots of veggies and protein and herbal tea and little bits of fruit and fat. Emotionally I'm still a bit tender and physically I'm still a bit sore.. so loving kindness for me all day. And understanding.

I'm not perfect and that's perfectly ok.

And lollies aren't all they're cracked out to be anyway.

Love, Mrs D xxx


11 comments:

  1. I love the self-forgiveness you have for your occasional slips. We've been without power for three days, and I've been binging on sugar to compensate. I'm feeling sorry for myself, and frosties and cookies just seem to help somehow. But now it's OVER. I'm back on the sugar wagon tomorrow.

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  2. Mrs D this is such a wonderful post. It is a reminder to me on how much we can continue to grow into better coping mechanisms on our journey. I will go back and read this next time I am stressed out and try to respond in such a mentally healthy way.

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  3. Oh Mrs D I am so glad you did this with sugar not booze and are able to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Lollies in your hair though is hysterical, sorry but it did make me laugh.
    I'm just now getting my act together after falling off the wagon at 454 day damn it but naturally seem to find myself not being as hard and harsh as I would have done before.
    Much respect to you for telling it like it is without (pun coming) sugar coating it.

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  4. Aw, I love you Mrs. D. Hilarious story and wonderful lesson about treating ourselves with kindness. I am a BLE fan as well and loved Susan P-T's book. 90% of what she says is pure awesomeness and I love how she goes into the brain science of sugar and flour. But I had to get off her email list as I definitely got turned off by some of her kooky vlogs and ideas. She still gets an A- though. You are an A+ Mrs. D! Loved your 2nd book and planning to reread soon. cheers!

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  5. I love you, too!
    I know I am so much kinder to msyelf now that I am sober!
    xoxo
    Wendy

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  6. Mrs. D I just finished your (1st) book and read your whole first year blog and am now jumping right in to the blog as of now. I went to a concert last week and had no alcohol whatsoever. I was in heaven, and driving home was every bit as good as you promised! I appreciate your writing and your candor. Keep it up!

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  7. Hello Mrs D. Have literally just finished Mrs D is going without and thoroughly enjoyed it. Lots of me in there even tho my average daily, (daily) consumption is only (only)2 glasses, but there it is. I am beginning to believe that there is a compulsion there, even at 2 glasses. You have given me a lot to think about. My son is a devoted AA recovering alcoholic and I now have a far greater understanding of the trails he went (is going) through towards sobriety. Thank you for your insight into this awful social problem.

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  8. The Sugar Hangover is a real thing!! Frankly I wouldn't have wasted my sugar binge on hard candies, I always hold out for entire bags of M&M's:) Well done on the weight loss!

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  9. Lol-ing because I am the exact same way with the Halloween candy. Mini size candy = my savior!!!! I get the Costco bags usually.

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  10. Mrs. D.!
    I just read your book and love love loved it. I am looking at my own drinking as a way to shellac the truth...now 13 days in without wine. Thank you for putting your life on(the)line.

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  11. Hi Mrs. D, you make me feel like I don't always have to be so hard on myself. I'm only human and I will slip sometimes but you also teach me to work my way up to a clean, healthy and drug-free life!
    https://www.practicalrecovery.com/

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