The problem isn't me. The problem is the alcohol.

Back from a very nice wee trip away. Gave two talks to two lovely women's Dinner Clubs. They all seemed very warm and receptive and interested in my story. I cried BOTH NIGHTS as I was describing my final night of drinking (sculling then hiding a bottle of wine from my husband). I always think I won't but when I'm in the moment I find it hard not to get a bit teary.

That shit is real.

I sometimes find it hard to describe to people why hiding that one bottle that one time was enough to get me to stop drinking. Hiding alcohol is a very common behaviour trait for problem drinkers and a lot of people do it for a very long time, yet I did it once and for me that was enough. Why?

I think it's because I had been very honest with myself in the months leading up to that event, and hyper-aware in my own head that my drinking was a problem and that it was progressing. I wasn't kidding myself. I could see very clearly that I was needing more wine of an evening to feel 'full'. I could see that when we were out socialising I was finding it harder to control my drinking. I could tell I was getting sloppier, more slurry, more heavy & numb. And there was the occasional vomit which at aged 37+ is not pretty.

So I knew without a doubt that this hiding-the-wine action was just another step in the progression of my alcoholism (although I didn't call it that at the time).  It horrified me. Because I had done it.

I bought the wine that night. I drank it. I chose to hide it before my husband returned home. Me.

Yet the me of the following morning was horrified with those decisions and actions.

This is what is so awful about being addicted. You act a certain way (when drinking) then hate those actions. You act, then hate, act, then hate. Make promises then let yourself down time and again. Feel guilty and miserable constantly. Yet you keep acting (drinking) in the way you hate. You are powerless! Although you try hard to be powerful, yet you can't control it. The addiction is in control. The alcohol is powerful. It pulls, it tempts, it lies, it controls.

It's confusing, depressing, misery-making, soul destroying. Slowly night after night after night your self respect, self worth, feelings of strength & control get eroded.

But what happened for me that final morning after the night that I hid the bottle was that I had a very powerful moment. I remember vividly separating out from myself and seeing very clearly two 'me's'. There was the me without alcohol in me. And there was me with alcohol in me. Me sober. Me drinking. Me. Alcohol.

And I had a very clear thought.

The problem isn't me. The problem is the alcohol.

This is huge. Say it out loud if you have to.

The problem isn't me. The problem is the alcohol.

Take the alcohol away and the problem is gone.

So I did. September 6th 2011 I took the alcohol away. I had noooooo idea what I was getting myself into. I had no idea what was to unfold. It was hard bloody work. It was surprising. It was full of revelations and it was ultimately, gloriously rewarding and wonderful.

And I was right. The problem wasn't me. It was me with alcohol in me. And that is why I will never touch shitty alcohol ever again.

Love, Mrs D xxx

A wee trip away...

I've been practicing my talks for next week. I'm going down to the South Island to talk to a couple of women's Dinner Clubs about my recovery. Really looking forward to it. I do have a tendency to hide behind my computer for much of my recovery work (blogging, writing or being interviewed for articles, communicating with people on Living Sober). I have a few local sober friends that I connect with in person, but it will be really good for me to go and meet a bunch of new people face-to-face.

There may be people in the crowd who are secretly worried about their own drinking, or maybe not! There may be people in the crowd who are worried about a loved ones drinking. Or maybe the crowd will just be full of people who are interested in hearing stories of others lives.

Any or all of that is fine by me. I just want to go and be honest about my drinking and my journey in sobriety. I want to be honest about how low my self-worth & self-respect was when I was drinking, and how improved it is now. I want to explain how being trapped inside my drinkers brain had me feeling miserable, confused, and very alone. And I want to explain how all of those negative feelings slowly turned around when I took the booze away.

I just want to lay it all out. No lies. No embellishments. Just the raw honest truth. And, knowing me, the odd swearword!

The wonderful Jean from Unpicked Blog posted this video on her Facebook page the other day. It's a man called Bill White who is an addiction expert in the states. In this video he talks about the need to break down the stigmas and stereotypes surrounding addicts and people who are in recovery. He is calling for a "vanguard of people in who are recovery to step forward. People who are temperamentally suited for that role, and whose personal and family circumstances allow them to take on part of that public role, to simply step forward and put a face and voice on recovery. And as soon as we begin to get this vanguard to step forward those stereotypes can't be sustained any longer."

I liked this a whole lot! It made me feel a little more brave and a little more proud about putting myself forward as a visible person in recovery.

And it's always nice to get a wee break away from my domestic routine....

Love, Mrs D xxx

Sometimes the benefits take a long time to emerge...

I've been emailing with a friend this week about big things that are going on in our lives - things that we don't share about in detail online - things to do with people around us.

I ended our last email with the line: "Only good things come when we get sober.. but they do take a long time sometimes"

It got me thinking ... and so yesterday I wrote this post at Living Sober.

(This is a reminder that Living Sober is where I am doing most of my writing on sobriety nowadays).

Love, Mrs D xxx

Mrs D Is Going Within

I am happy to report that my year of exercise is starting off well! I am back at the gym 2-3 times a week and although I wouldn't call myself a super gym-bunny I am there and I am doing it, and it is having a big impact on my mental health (and hopefully soon my body!).

I wrote a post this week at Living Sober called 'Things I work on in recovery' which was a good basic outline of all the elements I am focusing on in my sober lifestyle right now. Living Sober is where I do most of my blogging nowadays on sobriety. I post twice a week there, and often draw from updates the members are writing as inspiration for a post.

It's such a rich and warm online space I really do recommend you go hang out there if you want to feel part of a cool sober club and get support with kicking booze to the curb. You can read the Mrs D's Blog page as a non-member (and that is where I am posting twice weekly) or if you register to join (it's free and you can be anonymous!) you get access to the 'Members Feed' which is where people are taking to each other in real-time about their sober trials and triumphs.  

Me, well true to my last post here I am starting to look at mindfulness and meditation in more depth, and have started blogging about it to help keep myself focussed and keep track of all the research I am doing in this area. I have to say it is bloody good to have a push of energy in a new direction - and I'm really excited about what might emerge for me. I've called the blog 'Mrs D Is Going Within' so check it out if you think that sounds at all interesting.

And now I must go to school and help out with gymnastics for an hour or so!

Love, Mrs D xxx

Monkeys ….

So I've actually been kinda grumpy and wound up lately, and feeling hassled about the world and my life, and moaning to friends about how much parenting I do and how intense it is and how the summer holidays were incredibly long and how this school year began but only for two days and then stopped and then we had a long weekend and how Mr D went away for 5 days for work ….

And I've been thinking that I need to get into some meditating or some such to calm my brain down and just chill the fuck out so I can feel happy and peaceful again (if I ever did? I'm sure I do a lot…) and I followed lots of lovely advice from blog readers and downloaded Headspace again and started their 10-day free trial and listened to Day 1 and the nice English man guiding me through a meditation but that was 3 days ago and I still haven't done Day 2 ….

And I found the Oprah and Deepak meditation site and registered via email for something-I'm-not-sure-what, it was all rather confusing, nothing is free but then sometimes they offer stuff free? Maybe I'll get another email when it's ready? There was a free sample on the App but it was also confusing, just an Indian man (Deepak?) saying 'I will embrace all the beauty around' (or something) about five times and then just some music which was nice but reminded me of beauty therapist music - whales and chimes and all floaty sounds… could only listen for five minutes because in the background was the sound of a man playing a video game on YouTube which my 8-year-old was listening to really loudly.

And still I'm kind of grumpy and dissatisfied and I keep thinking 'what the hell is wrong with your life you crazy woman your problems are so very 'first world problems' get over yourself' and I try to cheer up but the kids are still very full on and I get very crampy with a bad period (sorry TMI) and I start to think it is maybe just the hormones that is making me grumpy.

Then last night some girlfriends come over and we talk about menopause and how that's the next thing for us to have to get ready for. And I tell them I'm crampy and grumpy and they tell me I've been through a lot lately and we all share about our lives and it's wonderful and female and restorative but still I think 'first world problems get over yourself you've got nothing at all to worry about'.

And then I get up in the night and pull a muscle or something in my hip so now my entire back right side lower back is sore and it keeps me awake and I'm worrying about getting old (and now I'm typing worrying that I am sounding very intense and wound up). And then at breakfast Mr D says he'll take all the boys to school and I'm thinking that I should go to the gym because that's what I do now, but then my hip is hurting and suddenly they've all left the house and I'm still in my pajamas so I get back into bed.

And then I remember someone on my last post mentioned Tara Brach's guided meditation podcasts and I think 'of course!' because I love Tara Brach - she is my guru but I only listen to her hour long talks, not her 20-minute guided meditations (of course because sitting in the quiet isn't something I do, the talks are active listening and that's why I like them).. so I pull a Tara guided meditation up on my iPad and start listening.

And I breath like she tells me to, I don't chant 'om' like she tells me to but I hear all the people on the recording with her chanting 'om' and that is lovely but then I start thinking about them and wondering about their lives and then I hear the recycling truck pouring bottles in around the neighborhood and I realise we forgot to put our rubbish out last night and then I start planning a trip to the dump this weekend, then I listen to Tara and try to quiet my mind but then I start planning some work stuff and it goes like this until I say out loud 'sorry Tara' and turn the meditation off with 4 mins and 58 seconds still to go.

And then I pick up my book because I'm still thinking this being in bed thing is a good thing, and I resume reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert and she is writing about trying to learn how to meditate while at an Ashram in India and she writes about her monkey brain and her fighting against her thoughts and ego and busy busy brain and the awful time she has every time she has to meditate and the fighting that goes on in her head and then suddenly she writes about an intense moment that occurs for her when all the chattering, negative thoughts in her mind scatter and a regal silence follows: "An intense, vibrating, awed silence."

And then I remember someone on our site saying they experience moments of pure joy when meditating.

And then I think this is what I am going to work on.

Love, Mrs D xxx

Things I deal with….

Boredom: I have strange patches of boredom where I feel 'itchy' and a bit directionless. Just odd moments in the day which I scramble to fill. I used to say that I drank because I was bored… but I don't think this 'boredom' I experience is actually boredom. I think it's a restlessness or 'hole' inside me that I need to fill spiritually. I tend to work towards filling it nowadays with work on the computer or watching TV. I would like to become more peaceful inside and be able to fill it with quiet contemplation or gardening or book reading or just sitting. OMG - meditation?! Have never quite managed that one. Would really appreciate suggestions if anyone has any good apps or programs they follow or books they've read that started them on meditation.

Anger: I am definitely more angry now that I am sober. Mostly it comes out when I am parenting, which isn't nice but kids are like divining rods - if there's anger to be found they'll find it. My anger when it does come is swift and furious and very focused on what the thing is I'm angry about. Then it passes. So it's not confusing for anyone (myself included). I don't hold grudges or stay moody for hours on end, and we always end the day lovingly. I'd like to control my anger flashes, but they don't involve violence, only occasionally the odd swearword! I'll keep working on this one.

Sadness: This sucks. Grief especially sucks. I just feel the sadness and figure there's not much to be done about it except acknowledge it and honor it and tell myself I can't get through life not being sad, especially if I love lots of people. If it's really lingering I work to input positive thoughts and that works well. I have my gratitude bowl that I put a wee note into when I feel like it - that's really nice.

Joy & Contentment: I am really aware of these things when they come and I appreciate them 100% and embrace them fully! I love when I get hit with happy endorphins or have a moment when I realise I feel really calm and happy. I treasure these moments and store them up, because I know the other things will come up and take centre stage (see above). Music gives me much pleasure, as does cooking and homemaking. Being with my family when we are just being a crazy bunch of personalities experiencing life together.

Pride: I live with an ever-present low-grade pride in myself for what I have done in getting sober. It's not a big-headedness. I don't think I'm better or more special than any other sober person (or any other person who isn't sober for that matter!) but in terms of my relationship with myself I am proud of what I have achieved. I'm also regularly incredibly proud and heart-warmed by other people who are working hard on themselves and getting sober - people on our website or who comment here, on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or via email (I am so lucky that I get to interact with lots of people via various forums). I think any person who works hard to get sober and heal themselves emotionally is brave and amazing.

Brave and amazing, brave and amazing, brave and amazing, brave and amazing. If you are working hard to get booze out of your life and heal yourself emotionally, then you are brave and amazing.

Love, Mrs D xxx

Exercise.. and a concert...

As I sit here typing I can feel so many muscles in my body aching and it feels GREAT!!!!! 2015 is going to be the year of fitness for me. I have really let my muscles go in the last 8 months.

Basically when my book came out and everything went nuts for me in June, I also cancelled my gym membership because my youngest started morning kindy and I didn't need their playroom any more while I exercised - it's complicated but basically the gym I was at was quite far away but I went there because of their playroom - once he was at morning kindy he didn't need the playroom and I didn't want to drive all the way in… and I was really busy as well you know….

I don't know why I'm typing out this long explanation (justification) as to why I cancelled my gym membership last year….

Enough excuses Mrs D - bottom line is I quit the gym, got busy with fantastically exciting sobriety stuff (like launching a new community website dedicated to helping people get sober that has 1570 registered members in only 6 months!!) and slowly the months went by and I started gaining weight which is a bummer but not the worst problem.

The worst problem is that I feel physically weak. I don't feel 'in' my body. I don't feel fit.

Exercise and me aren't best buddies. I've never particularly liked it. I've never gotten a huge endorphin rush from a great work out. I don't enjoy sweating or feeling uncomfortable while pushing my body to do things.

But if I have exercise in my life I feel better overall. I feel functional, healthy, motivated, proud. At 43 I know this. I've had enough phases of no-exercise… and enough phases of exercise… to know which is preferable. So I semi-begrudgingly move now to always implement regular exercise.

Lately I've been trying yoga on the living room floor via the TV (managed 4 sessions), the 'Map-My-Walk' app on my phone (managed 2 walks around my neighborhood) and swimming lengths in the local pool (only thought about that one, never made it to actually do it). So the gym it is. It works for me. I book it into my week (Mon and Wed morning after school drop-off definitely, Thurs as well if it's a good week) and that is enough. I feel good again! I get stronger. I feel better. I feel 'functional' because this is what we humans need to do - use our bodies. And ….. I suppose…. there must be some happy exercise endorphins cruising around inside as well.

Went to a concert on Saturday night. Had SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!! Concerts are the ultimate sensory experience for the sober person. I cried happy tears during a few songs, did loads of chair dancing - waving my arms around and singing at the top of my lungs (along with thousands of others at the venue), laughed and felt so happy. The lighting was amazing, the musicians were incredibly talented and the entire environment was a buzzing delight. I didn't need to go to the loo five million times. I wasn't thinking about buying more wine throughout. I wasn't slightly removed from the sensation because of alcohol affecting my brain. I was clear, present, connected and so so happy.

A sober life isn't all peaches and rainbows.. no way. Low times come, they come often and I deal with them. But the highs - like going to a rocking good concert - feel so much better. And with exercise in the mix, I am giving myself a very good shot at more positive feelings as well.

It works if you work at it. Does that slogan apply to recovery, or life in general? I'm going to use it in a general life sense. I'm working at it, and that feels good.

Love, Mrs D xxx

Dropping the cloak of anonymity (joint post)...

Marilyn Spiller from the sobriety blog Waking Up The Ghost emailed me recently asking if I’d be interested in working on a joint post – a conversation – on why we’re open about our sobriety (or as she put it, “why we came out of the closet”!). I thought it was a great idea! So we’ve been emailing back and forward having a discussion on the topic, and have pulled our questions and answers together in a post that we’re now both sharing on our blogs.  Here it is……

=========================

Mrs D: What made you decide to come out from behind the protective cloak of anonymity? 

  

Marilyn: Happenstance. That's how I ride (and it's at least a part of the reason I became an alcoholic in the first place). I started Waking Up the Ghost as a daily journal to self-police my sobriety. I posted it to various social media sites so my friends could read it and comment. I was a sneaky, isolated drunk and it seemed the best way to get all my dirty secrets out, once and for all, was to write them down. I write better than I speak, and a blog was the natural medium for me. Even my best friend was shocked by some of the things I disclosed. She had no idea how desperate and sick I had become. 

A lot of what I wrote went directly to my personal Facebook and Twitter pages with my name on them. It's only recently I have established more professional, Waking Up the Ghost sites, so my anonymity was never an issue. I was out of the closet from the beginning. 

  

As things happen today, my blog posts just began to flourish. There was a car-crash curiosity. My friends emailed meaningful posts to other friends who were struggling, our local newspaper and television stations got wind of it, people shared the blog on their social media sites, and so on. I started to get comments on the blog from professionals and from strangers who were suffering. It was a little disarming to realize that there were people who were counting on me for a daily pick-me-up or a laugh or an allegory. 

It's only recently I've began to consider the WHY of what I'm doing. Why would I expose myself and my family to extreme scrutiny? Why do I feel compelled to disclose so many painful memories to the world wide web? And why do I identify myself by name, with photos? 

  

You wrote the blog: Mrs. D is Going Without for some time without disclosing your name. Why did you decide to come forward publicly and on national TV no less? 

Mrs D: So this is interesting. Our approaches from the get-go were quite different. You 'outed' yourself to friends and family from the outset as a tactic to keep yourself honest. I absolutely did not do that. My blog was a big secret. I told friends and family I was giving up drinking, but I didn't tell anyone (aside from Mr D) about my blog until after at least a year off the sauce. 

My blog was first and foremost a private tool for me to keep myself honest and stay on top of my thoughts as I underwent a massive life change. It was only after I had a year and a half of solid sobriety under my belt - by which time my blog had gained many readers, and I was receiving lovely feedback - that I considered telling people in my 'real' life about my Mrs D blog. Around this same time I started feeling very strongly that I had a good story to tell. Not only all that I had learned about alcohol and myself, but what amazing support there was available online. I wanted more people to know! So I pitched the idea for a book to a publisher, they said yes, and suddenly I was faced with the reality of coming out of the closet (so to speak) with my sobriety story and my full identity. I suspected the book would get a lot of publicity in New Zealand and sure enough, local TV, radio, magazines and newspapers all latched onto my story as soon as the publishers began drumming up publicity for me. 

I was really, really, really nervous and vulnerable about doing all of it. But ultimately I did it for one reason and one reason only. I wanted to help other people. I wanted people who weren't already participating in online recovery to know that they could find amazing support through the internet, safely and anonymously. And I wanted them to know that they were not alone, that there are so many of us out there that struggle to control alcohol (I was certain of this because of all the feedback I was already receiving online). So I almost felt in outing myself that I was 'taking one for the team', because without some of us being brave and fronting up as being in recovery, addiction will continue to flourish in the dark. And we can't have that! 

How much does the feedback you receive online help you with your recovery? How much did a desire to help others factor into your decision to expose yourself so openly? What sort of vulnerabilities do you suffer from being so honest about your sobriety journey? 

Marilyn: Let me start with the second question first. Honestly Lotta, I was so messed up when I first quit drinking, I did not think of anything but myself at first. I needed to save myself. My motivation to help others came later, organically. 

I am a loner. I was raised in a family where no one ever spoke of feelings - feelings seemed too painful or too glorious. I have always discounted friendships and proffered help, and proceeded on my own - very Germanic - to deal with problems unemotionally. Other than my children and a chosen few, I never let anyone in. 

It was only after I surrendered to my alcoholism that I was able to accept and relish the help and loyalty of those friends and family who had always been there. The fact that I have rekindled old relationships and garnered newfound ones as a result of Waking Up the Ghost is a revelation. I am touched every day by the outpouring of support online. When times get rough (as they still do for me) I remind myself that there are people who love me and count on me to be sober. It is vital to my recovery. 

As to vulnerability, I have led an "interesting" life and I have always proceeded with the understanding that, "they're already talking about me..." My behavior had been so outrageous, a sobriety blog seemed tame. I already figured out that those people who loved me would continue to do so and that they were happy I was finally dealing with my problems. My only concern when I came out as an alcoholic, was that my children not be embarrassed or hurt by it. 

I write almost daily. I cover topics from the scholarly to the mundane and I try to find the humor in what is oftentimes an excruciating situation. A year and a half into my sobriety (and eight months into the blog) I believe I am out there exposing myself and the evils of alcohol, so others don't have to. 

How about you? You have small children. And do you think there is anything negative about exposing ourselves as alcoholics? After all "alcoholics and anonymous" go together like "gin and tonic"... 

Mrs D: I love that you are grabbing your life by the balls and turning it around - accepting help, letting people in and dealing with emotions. Yay! And it's so great you share online so that others can learn from your journey.  

I can't see any negatives for my family or me in exposing myself as an alcoholic. It'd be far worse for my kids if I were still a practicing boozer with my disease rapidly progressing (as it was when I gave up) and my outward and public displays of drunken sloppiness getting worse and more embarrassing. So I'll never feel bad about them having an openly alcoholic mother. Anyway - I'd rather think of myself as an 'alcoholic in recovery', much cooler! I'm pretty convinced that my sons are going to grow up in a world where it is far more common for people to be open about the fact they don't drink because they can't control it. I think the tide is slowly turning on alcohol and over the next decade many more people are going to start being more open about struggling with it. For goodness sake there are thousands and thousands and thousands of people all around the world that struggle to control the drug of alcohol!!!!! It seems crazy that we live in societies that recognizes this on one hand (all medical and emergency response professionals shout from the rooftops about the harm caused by alcohol) yet pretend it doesn't exist on the other (booze is sold widely and marketed freely with little regulation). 

This aside, while convinced the tide is slowly turning, I will defend until the day I die anyone who decides to keep their alcoholism private and to stay anonymous in recovery. Do whatever is right for you in order to keep yourself sober. Being a recovery poster child (If that's what I am?!) does come with it's downsides. At times I second-guess myself, at times I feel vulnerable and exposed, at times I just want to crawl under the bedcovers and hide. But like I said before, I'll take these hits for the team, because I want to reach others who are locked in a boozy hell and help them get free. And writing helps me stay on top of my brain. It keeps me sober. It's a two-way street. 

What concerns do you have regarding your kids? How much do you hold back about yourself in your blog? 

Marilyn: People tell me all the time they admire my honesty. I think I am not honest enough. I'm working on that, because I feel the deeper I dig, the more people I touch. There are some subjects I am afraid to broach. I was single through the worst ravages of my disease, so there were men - bad men who took advantage of my vulnerability. And there were run-ins with the police. And a host of regrettable decisions too painful to share quite yet. 

I don't write Waking Up the Ghost to shock, or to entertain per se. God knows I've been outrageous and entertaining enough for a lifetime. So I do hold back those things that seem unnecessary or fodder for curiosity seekers. Certainly anything I might glean from an AA meeting or other outreach group is filtered. I try to talk about what I am feeling in the moment, share vital information and tell cautionary (funny) tales. 

Like you, I think my worse, drunken behavior was more embarrassing to my children than anything I write now that I'm sober. They are in their twenties, so they were old enough to see me fall off a bar stool more than once... Their support and pride in my sobriety is something I would never risk jeopardizing. Even to produce a fantastic blog post. 

Recently I got a message from a reader who told me she thought I was too "enthusiastic" about my sobriety and that I should remain anonymous in all media - including the internet. She referred to the AA Big Book and indicated I could impact the organization by being too forthcoming. I have never positioned myself as a spokesperson for any program, so I was taken aback. Dare we broach this subject? 

Mrs D: I think we just have to respect others opinions and respect their right to air them on our public blogs if they feel the need. But also respect our right to delete them if we think they're too mean or snippy. I respect other people's rights to do whatever they want with their sobriety, just as I respect my right to do whatever I like with mine. I've ended up being a visible person in recovery, and I'm comfortable with that as it appears to be helping other people as much as it helps me. And if I'm happy with how I'm traveling in sobriety - then all is ok in my world! If I ever stop feeling comfortable being open about my addiction and recovery, then I'll retreat from the internet and live my sober life privately. Only time will tell how things will go for Mrs D! 

How do you feel about the comment that was left to you? Has it changed how you feel about blogging and being open? 

Marilyn: It's funny - at first I was incensed. It was the only semi-negative comment I've ever gotten. I thought, "I'm not a spokesperson for any organization, and certainly not AA so how can I harm it? It's like saying the Coca-Cola folks will be impacted if I extol drinking water after a run, for God's sake..." 

But I reread it with a clear head. There are no demons - we are all trying to get through the night (and day) without the booze, and she deserved my full attention... Her concern was for the AA tenant that one must be anonymous in media; falling off the wagon as a vocal proponent could negatively impact the organization's reputation. I get that. And that is not germane to what we do. She signed her message: A NEW SOBER FRIEND, so I think we're cool. 

The bottom line is that we are doing something important. And delicate. I get messages every day from people who are suffering and looking for a kindred spirit: from people who read what I write and take it to heart. Speaking out about our addiction, not being anonymous, IS brave. And conversations like this are vital to keep us on track. 

Cheers, Mrs. D.  It's been a pleasure meeting you. And thank you. 

Mrs D: And cheers to you Marilyn! I raise my glass of delicious non-alcoholic punch to you! xxx