Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Almost there..

So on Monday I will have been sober for 90 days.  Yeah!!!!!!!  My sister said to me yesterday 'so do you think you'll ever drink again, like in ten years?' and I said 'No.  I will never drink alcohol ever again.'

I could hear her brain creaking and stretching down the phone line to try and understand and fathom that concept - a life with alcohol completely removed (remember outwardly I wasn't a fall-down wreck of a drunk with a life hanging by a thread so some of those around me have no concrete picture to hang this knowledge on). 

I will be living breathing proof that - shock horror! - you can live completely sober.  I'll show everyone.  I really feel this is the path my life was meant to take and it's a fantastic way to spend the second half.

I know there will be times when I do have a sad pang about not drinking but I also know that those times will pass and the majority of my time will be spent feeling amazing without booze clouding the way.

I also know that everything is just as fun and great without alcohol.  A cafe table beside the water with the sun shining, a platter of nibbles and a shiny drink and laughter is just as fun if the drink is a lime and soda.

A great party is a great party because it's a great party, not because I'm getting hammered. (A boring party will always be a boring party no matter how much you drink).

A celebratory toast is loving and cheerful because that's what a celebratory toast with other humans is. It is not given it's currency because it involves then sipping a drink that (for me) triggers a switch in your brain that turns you into a loser lush.

Stress isn't going to go away with 6 glasses of wine, it's just going to hide behind the door until you've sobered up then jump out at ya - 'still here! Now deal with me with that hangover and the guilts'.  Same goes for Sadness, Anger, Hurt and Grief.

In fact in my house those emotions had a secret room behind the door and they used to have a private party in there while they waited for me to sober up.   They'd plot their next move, 'lets get her at 4am when she gets up to go to the loo and keep her up for the rest of the night, yeah!'

They live with me constantly now those emotions, no hiding and plotting, and I'm getting used to having them around.  It's ok, you know.  It's ok.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Congrats on your 90 days! That is GREAT! Emily

  2. Great post! You are absolutely right. I am going
    To print this one . I am going to keep reading
    It until I don't have to anymore. Great blog. Keep
    Writing and congratulations!

  3. I totally agree with the comment above...great post!!! Congrats on 90 days...I can't wait to get there myself!!! I'm at 4, ha ha! I have gotten to day 4 many many many times but I haven't been able to get to 90 since the last time I was pregnant!!! I would never even ponder drinking while pregnant but once the baby was here...back to business. more!!!! Like you, I am finally, finally committed to never ever again. I have been on a journey of trying to quit and lately have been doing pretty well but tried to 'only drink socially' or 'only on the weekends'. Like you, I binge. No sugar coating it...I can't drink ever ever again. It is a grieving, but also its freeing!!! And finally...I LOVE you way with words...I'm keeping this one...Loser Lush!!!! OMG, you are the best!!! Thank you again for this blog!!!!

  4. You only truly fail when you quit trying.

    Love your blog Mrs. D... so inspiring.

  5. am reading your blog from beginning and it is opening up a pit of emotions, I know what I need to do but dont know if I have the strength to do ti

  6. I also am reading your blog from start to finish and am finding it so amazing and inspiring. I'm amazed at the similarities of all of us and so looking forward to a community in which I can talk to others about this. I'm a single working professional mom of two kids, and I'm 28 days sober. This post got me choked up. I'm dealing with all those hard emotions now, and boy is it hard! But I do find a sense of relief and pride in watching myself be able to sit with difficult feelings, and move through them, even with a few tears...and know that they do pass. I'm finally learning to deal with my shit without drinking. Thank you all for sharing, and thank you Mrs D, you are amazing! mallards4us