Thursday, May 31, 2012

Nerves and anxiety...

I am so fucking wound up (pardon my french) and anxious I've got nerves in the pit of my tummy that won't go away.  Aaarrgghh!!!  It's the house sale - the auction is tomorrow and I'm convinced it's not going to sell, I'm paranoid as all hell and really anxious.  It's awful!  Could hardly sleep last night.  I really really really need to chill out.

Is this normal fear when selling a house?  I don't know I've never sold one before.  We've had loads of people through and a decent number of 'registrations' of interest but registration doesn't mean bidder and for some reason I've just convinced myself no-one will want it and we'll have to make other plans.

I'm sure this feeling of dread is exacerbated by the fact that from next Wed movers will be here packing up our house and from Friday we are gone and on to the next chapter.  The whole thing is coming to a head and I have to keep myself calm. Calm. Calm.

All that cold hard reality and no escape.  That's why wine is so appealing.  It dulls, takes the edge off, smooths out, eases.  Well not for this mama.  This wound up, anxious, nervous, tired, stressed out mama is doing it sober and it's hard.  It's HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breath in.  Breath out.  Slowly.  Breath in.  Breath out.  Everything's going to be alright.  Light your bloody scented candle and chill out.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. You'll be fine. This too shall pass. Interesting about your new friend and that your sons chose to make friends with children with a heavy drinking mother..

    They don't call it the family disease for nothing.

    (PS Don't read more into the comment about the children than is meant. It is just interesting how even as children we are attracted to people like us. I had this experience in childhood and with my daughter whose best friend in childhood is now a full blown alcoholic. Thankfully my daughter seems to have escaped the disease.

  2. Oooo I HATE that feeling! I don't know how it is in New Zealand but I think it's a universal sucks to sell a house. I hate that feeling of in-between - when you're not exactly out of one house and not exactly in the other. Oy!

    Try some Ojai breathing. Google it and give it a shot. It really helps me when I've got that wound up feeling and NO WINE to help me unwind it.

    I don't envy you the next few days but I DO know that you'll get through it and come out on the other side so damn proud of yourself you won't be able to stand it.

    And as my mother used to say, fuck isn't's just dirty damn English.

    Hugs to you Mrs. D!

  3. Going through these feelings sober is the only way I can learn how to go through these feelings sober. That's reality. That's growth. It sucks, but it's worth it in the long run. Hang in there girlfriend! I'm listening.

  4. Hang in there sweet D, sending you lots of strength! *hugs*

  5. All of your anxiety is completely valid, understandable. Hang in there. You can do this!

  6. As Sherry said, our process in the US is different (and possibly more drawn out, if at all possible) but I do know it's incredibly stressful. We have bought and sold and moved 4 times and the first time was by far the worst. Moving is right up there with death and divorce. I've never faced any of those sober! You're almost at the good're getting closer, I can feel it.

  7. Mrs. D. I stumbled upon your blog because a relative of mine is an alcoholic. The difference between the two of you is that she is a manipulator and a very evil person that drank. She twists the truth to suit her and she is angry that no one believes her anymore and there is no alcohol to blame, anymore.

    You, however, are an honest and good person that drank. You are straight forward and kind. Although, I am not an alcoholic or addict, for the grace of the universe, I do not envy you. Reading your posts have allowed me to see the truth about what I have to do with this relative and that's it's not all alcohol. It's also allowed me to have empathy for those that are brave enough for this journey.

  8. That's a very catchy mantra: "breath in, breath out. Everything is going to be alright. Light your bloody scented candles and chill out."

    I hope the auction went well and you're in a more peaceful state, Mrs. D!

    Huge hugs from the U.S!

  9. Thinking of you. Breathing is always a good thing!

  10. Best of luck. Hope it all goes well. However it goes it still is better not hung over!

  11. Hey there, chica! How'd it go? If it didn't sell, I have a solution for you, I'll swap you for my 40 ft boat that' has been on the market for 4 years. You can circumnavigate with the hubby and the kids and do a reality show about it (hey, that is not a bad idea) and I can finally get to your part of the world where I was supposed to get on the boat. It's fate.

    I bet you shined yesterday, all sober and shit.

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  13. I just wanted to say, you are a life saver. I also have morning deal with nerves and anxiety and everything in this post makes sense. The thing that I'm really excited about though is that it also made me think about another situation.