Friday, May 18, 2012

Surprisingly helpful

While there are many interesting things about someone reading my blog, which is all about my thoughts and feelings after giving up alcohol and learning how to live sober, getting snippy with me and telling me to 'go have a drink PLEASE and stop all the whining' ... it was actually a surprisingly helpful comment.

Because yes, anonymous, I could stop all the whining and go and have a drink (or 3 or 5).  In fact that's what I could have chosen to do in that moment the other night when I was finding things hard.  The kitchen was in chaos, there was rice all over the floor left over from dinner, the kids were screaming in the bath and the champagne was in the fridge ready for our friends who were coming over.  I was exhausted (insomnia), stressed (did I mention we're relocating?!), and grumpy, and I was throwing myself a pity party.

I could  have in that moment gone to the fridge and grabbed a beer or poured myself a wine and drunk it.  Drunk it, drunk it, drunk it.  I could have stopped all the gritty feelings and had some alcohol.  Just have some alcohol!!!! (I hear you cry).  Stop all the bloody whining and moaning and have some goddam bloody alcohol, it's not hard.  You just pour .. bend your elbow .. open your throat and in it goes.  Easy.  Easy, easy, easy.  Easy way out.

But I didn't do that.  I jumped on the computer, navigated to my blog and vented in a short and sharp (unusual) way for myself, refusing to sign off or give kisses.  Then .... I felt better. I got up, got the vacuum out and started cleaning up the mess.  Got the kids in their PJs, put chips in a bowl and got hummus out of the fridge and got out four champagne flutes.

When our friends arrived I poured lemon, lime and bitters into my glass and clinked 'congratulations!' with the rest of them and sat and chatted for two hours.  Went to bed, slept like crap, but woke up without a hangover.  Because I didn't stop whining and have a drink.  I whined.  I whined and I felt better.

It's such a head game this sobriety.  Sometimes you want to throw a pity party and whine about not being able to drink, because you want attention or recognition or just to be self-indulgent.  Sometimes you feel great and powerful and so happy to be sober (especially when there are tragic drunks around you).. and sometimes (and these times grow so so slowly but they do grow) you just don't think about alcohol at all and just live.

So when the snippy anonymous comment came a couple of days later, after I had recovered from feeling a little slapped, it actually made me feel better.  Yeah, you're right.  I could stop whining and just take a bloody drink, but I didn't, and there's nofuckingway that's what I'm ever going to do.  The comment made me imagine having done that and I felt sick. Thank god I didn't.  So cheers for the hard attitude because I can push back and stay sober.  You watch me.  And anyway, if you read to the end of that snippy comment, there's a very powerful line ... 'And you'll see how much you don't need it anyway'.

Cheers to that.

Love, Mrs D xxx



  1. I'm glad you found that comment useful. I'm even gladder that you didn't drink because that comment was the worst advice I've ever read. (save for the last part, maybe)

  2. thenoiseandhastehere: OMG, this cracked me up! You go, Mrs. D.

  3. Good for you for finding something positivr to take away from that! This is your space, YOUR space and you should use it as you want. If you want to bitch and whine...go for it! Even that post was helpful. It shows everyone that even when a person is grumpy and down in the dumps sobriety CAN be maintained. I love your blog and I love that you show your humanness, your realness. Stay true to yourself.

  4. Amen to Ann's comment. I always wonder why people who make comments even bother to read te damn blog at all! If it offends you that much THEN DON'T READ IT! Believe me, we'll get by without your insipid, mean-spirited, short-sighted, and ignorant comments.

    Whew! I feel better now too Mrs. D!

    And have I mentioned lately that I love your blog and that you rock?

  5. I always wonder where these people are in the realm of their drinking careers when they make comments like that. Are they long recovered and tired and fed up of hearing us relative newbies whine. I kind of understand that and I hate to say I've been guilty of the same feelings for even newer newbies. Gulp! I think it's kind of like the mother who throws up her hands and says, "Fine, eat the whole damn bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough but don't come crying to me with a bellyache afterwards."

    I don't know what effect Anonymous was going for but it did work.

    Fart! You'd think I could write a simple damn comment without an analogy, wouldn't you?

  6. Wow...I can't believe someone actually typed that. Clearly they missed the, "Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it true, and is it necessary." BUT I am glad you didn't drink. Waking up without a hangover is a score in my book every single day it happens. Who wants that feeling ever again? Not this girl.

  7. I just can't express enough how this post of yours went straight to my heart! It made my tummy ache... because of the power of your words. So strong! Wow... you are fantastic - you pave the way for all of us sober alkies and to me you are a GREAT inspiration.

    I just say wow... stay strong mrs D, and never stop being your true you. When I read your written words, I see an image of you painted before my eyes. It is one of the most beautiful images I've ever seen. You make me so proud *hugs*

  8. You continue to amaze me and help me see that if you can do it, so can I...and I am! Thank you!!! You rock!