Sunday, May 25, 2014

Fronting up...

I keep waking up at 5am with my brain whirring… brain-noise-a-rama! It's about to kick off for me here with local media starting to prepare stories on me to come out when the book is released on July 2.

This week I have a magazine reporter interviewing me and their photographer coming to take a photo of me (and they're bringing a makeup artist YIPPEE!!!) and then next week I'm being filmed by a TV crew for a local current affairs show. Yes. Me the middle class alcoholic.

Just goes to show how few people front up and admit to having a drinking problem. But I do have a drinking problem. I am a respectable, middle class alcoholic.

I think that's the point.. and the reason media is interested in my story. I don't present as the typical alcoholic. I'm the nice, respectable housewife .. seemingly well put-together, high-functioning woman who seems to have it all going on.

Except I wasn't that. I was a habitual, heavy, steady, dysfunctional wine drinker. I filled myself up with far too much wine most nights. I was hooked, I was miserable, I was guilty most of the time.. and it was getting worse. I think that's why I stopped when I did.. I could see that it was progressing rapidly. One bottle of wine wasn't enough to fill me up any more.. I was needing those extra couple of glasses from the second bottle. And that was just on a Tuesday night.

I was talking to some mums on the sidelines of our kids sports games yesterday.. and saying to them.."If I were still boozing today you wouldn't notice much difference. I'd still look mostly the same.. and be acting mostly the same.. but I'd have a sick guts right now and a bit of a headache. And privately in my mind I'd be beating myself up.. feeling like I was a worthless piece of shit for having let myself down yet again last night by drinking more than I'd intended."

I hated that 'I'm a worthless piece of shit' thought. We're not worthless pieces of shit! Alcohol is addictive and it's bloody hard to resist it if it's got you hooked! Take the alcohol away and the 'I'm a worthless piece of shit' thoughts will go! (Eventually. It'll take some work but you'll get there).

I still think there are people around me who are surprised that I label myself an alcoholic .. and that I don't touch the stuff ever and never will again. And I can't blame them for that because at the moment in our society we look for the obvious, dramatic, outward displays of alcoholism. Jobs lost, cars crashed, lives falling apart.

Well.. as many of us know out here in the sober sphere that often isn't the case. Many of us look fine but aren't fine. I'm not ashamed to admit that was the case for me. So front up before the cameras I will (that's Yoda speak right there).

Thank god for the makeup artist though..! And I'm getting my hair colored and my eyebrows shaped before hand as well. How's that for a bit of personal grooming! Now… about that sugar binging….

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Good luck with the interviews and makeup and publicity, Mrs D! Remember, you're a star and you'll be great. It's such a good thing you're doing, going public like this. Changing the public perception about what an "alcoholic" is can only help. I know without the stories that are more like mine, I revert to thinking I wasn't that bad or I didn't have a real problem, and that way lies madness for me. Thanks to you for being a clear voice.

    I hope we get to see those fancy makeup artist photos! Keep well in the craziness. xoxo

  2. Mrs D will you link all your media appearances so we can see your successes? Good Luck :) xx

  3. Oooh, exciting stuff! I can't wait to read your book and am so excited for you about the interviews and makeup artist and good press. You will make a wonderful spokesperson for middle class alcoholics in recovery. There are so many quietly not-drinking and feeling alone or maybe just weighing the option of getting sober...what you are doing is huge and important and wonderful. Love it all.

  4. So proud of you. You speak for us. Now I can say I know someone famous. Please link as Lucy asked, would love to follow your press.

  5. So exciting! And probably very nerve-wracking too. Remember to slow down and breathe periodically. Enjoy that make-up artist! :)

  6. When I first stopped drinking, and started TALKING about what I had done when I WAS drinking, my best friend said, "How did ALL this happen without me knowing?" At the tail-end of my tenure as a Drinker, I was consistently putting down three bottles of wine a day, and still functioning. I had those little, screw top wine "shooters" hidden in the bottom of my purse, my car glove compartment and my closet. I ate strong mints constantly. I operated with a perpetual hangover. After seven at night I wasn't much good for anything, but until then I became rather good at faking it. HIDDEN, FAKING,SECRET - those are the catch-words of the alcoholic.

    Congratulations on all your good fortune.

  7. Oh. My. God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So, so SO glad I finally got over to this blog. July 2nd!!!! Make-up artists!!! TV interviews! Magazine articles!

    I don't have enough exclamation points to describe the excitement I'm feeling for you. Please, please post the tv interviews so that we in the States can see. I will be the very first person in line to read this book, I am not even kidding, I cannot wait for it!

    Seriously, Mrs. D, I am really excited and happy for you, and I regret not getting over here sooner to read what has been going on with you. Can't wait to read more!