Saturday, May 17, 2014

No sober halo here...

The lovely Paul asked me a question in his comment on my last post .. and then he said 'I know you don't answer comments…'

I never used to answer comments because I was busy writing my Masters thesis and was worried that if I answered all my comments I would spend too much time online in great conversations with all you lovelies in the sober sphere..

Then after the thesis was done I tried answering comments but they always appeared in a bright red box - gah! - which looked awful like I was YELLING MY ANSWER.. so I tried for ages to fix that problem and now it seems to be working. I know because I did a test answer to Paul on the last post and it's not red.. but then I checked it on my phone and it was red there - double gah!

It's just so frustrating .. I've got loads of time on my hands now and would so love to be able to have more discussions and conversations with you all.. and answer comments and ask my own questions and have more of a flow. It feels a bit disjointed that all I do is write a post and then some of you comment (and hundreds don't) and then I write another post .. get a few comments (which I LOVE).. write a post…and so on…

I feel like we're all missing out on the great potential for more discussion and support and warmth and togetherness.

Sigh.. if only I had a fancy new website which was far more about community, where we could all talk to each other all the time and have information and support and loveliness flowing around and around and around…. …… if only ….. …. ….

….. if only …..

….. if only ….

(do you think I'm making this hint about the future clear enough..?!)

I had coffee with a lovely girlfriend (a new friend AND newly sober - Hi K!) and I was saying to her that I was worried that sometimes I come across on this blog as if I float around on a sober cloud with a sober halo perched above my head.. that nothing ever bothers me and all is smooth sailing.

I know I don't write often nowadays about gritty stuff that goes on.. partly because lots of people I know in real life read this blog now, partly because I don't want to whine and moan too much, but mostly because I think I've gotten used now to the normal ebbs and flows of a sober life. When I was newly sober every mood felt like a major event and when I felt sad or grumpy I felt like I was failing.

Now I just take those moods when they come, live them, try and manage them and trust that they're going to go. I've been really testy lately.. snipping at Mr D.. grumping and grouching lots at the kids. My insomnia is back with all the brain noise about what's ahead for me .. I've been hormonal, moody, eating crap and generally feeling angsty. I'm trying to ride it out with grace and style but am not sure how well I'm achieving that.

Yesterday I made some decisions.. I'm going to go for a big walk every morning after dropping the kids off with NO PHONE.. and I'm going to keep a food diary to make sure I'm eating well and not scoffing bad shit because I'm on edge.

No wine though. I'm a wine-free zone.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Ha ha...glad to help clear the (red) air... :)

    I am excited about this new blog thingy (I had to read between the lines to get to that, Mrs. D. I wish you would just be more *clear* about

    As for the halo thing...I get it. I think at first we talk about the crap that floats up as we move through early sobriety. But then life comes up, we face it, we get stronger and we So it's really about life now. I think that is why so many of us shift our blogs, or change, or stretch / expand. (I am tempted to do the same, but it didn't work out last The great thing about how you write, Mrs. D, is that is shows others how it *can* be! A shining example of what sobriety looks like. Recovery isn't boring! And yeah, we get snippy and grumpy. Who doesn't? It's not all unicorns and rainbows. It' We are human. We aren't in the dregs like we used to, but we still are working with emotions, rational and irrational.

    So be it.

    But you are certainly an angel to me, so yeah, you are halo...ish :)


  2. You're starting an interactive blog forum? Sounds exciting.

    Morning walks get the day off to a good start for me.

  3. Yes, looking forward to seeing what lies ahead for you. Exciting stuff. I guess we all struggle with how much to write about and tend to keep it lighter, but I like how you described it as being okay with ebbs and flows because I suppose that's really what it is. It isn't that life is magically better sober or that we need to make it seem that way...we still have ups and downs and struggles. Most of the time I deal with them healthier and can definitely let go of things more easily than before. That's about as close to a halo as I'm getting, and it's more than fine. A long walk everyday sounds divine.

  4. Super excited to see what's in your future :) Brain chatter sucks especially combined with insomnia. Hope that gets better soon lady!

  5. Mrs D, I'm so curious to see this fancy new website! It sounds lovely. And halo or not, you've been a shining light for me. Super big hug to you for that, and a thousand thanks! I'm glad you're paying attention to food and morning routines. I find those make a huge difference for my moods. Mine are still way up and down, but doing that helps. Good luck with all that exciting stuff you have going on. And please please say the new book will be available in Canada! xoxo

  6. Hi Mrs. D, I am new to this sober thing, about 8 weeks in. I feel these ups and downs with such force now and the past week and into this one has been tough! Just feeling....blick...edgy and all around down. I know eating better and more exercise will help I just need to get that ball rolling. I also have been doing this solo and know that I need to reach out more, have an outlet and support. This blog has helped immensely. You actually responded to an email I sent a few weeks ago and that was like a lifeline, my first time reaching out to anyone and there you were. Anyway, on I go and I hope to be reaching out more as I settle into this new way of life. It's all very new and a little daunting. I know this is the way for me and I need to accept the change and focus on the positives, there are so many. Just have to get through these sticky times and hopefully shorten the time and space they take up :)
    Thank you for all that you do and share!

  7. I've dried up on the writing on my blogs too - the odd post about guitars on the guitar one but on the sober one... what have I got to say? Still sober - Still upright - sums it up, that isn't to be dismissed or ignored obviously but just I don't seem to have much to say lately

  8. sounds lovely~ the walks w/o the phone! I might have to take you up on that advice, just walk. No music, phone, texts, podcasts, just nature! Can you imagine? Love whenever you post!

  9. At least you've been keeping to it. Quitting is only really the first part of the journey. Sticking to sobriety can be painful, but it goes with the process, since it will always be a constant series of repair; like lapsing in and out of your mind, then brought back into your commitment either 'coz of incentive or of stakes. Just surge on, keep on and you'll pull through it all, alcohol free.

    Scott McKinney @ Midwest Institute For Addiction