Wednesday, May 21, 2014

My advice in a nutshell...

Oh shit.. just realised I didn't fill in all of yesterday's food diary. Oops. Frantically writing in my notebook now…

Dinner = picked at bits of chicken leftover from boys plates, small bowl of muesli with tinned peaches and sugar, handful of white chocolate buttons. 

Not my finest hour.

I know keeping a food diary seems a bit naff but I'm trying to stay mindful of how I'm treating myself, and not slip back into that pattern of 'fuck it' brain which is my drinking brain which used to lead me down the bottom of numerous bottles of wine.

(It was the 'fuck it' brain that opened the packet of white chocolate buttons)

I wrote in pen on the opening page of the notebook when I started this: "Food diary in the lead up to the book coming out. Don't crumble! Stay strong! Remember how good you feel if you eat well + exercise! Write down everything you eat before you eat it. Plus what mood you are in."

Ok, so I'm not doing the mood thing and obviously I'm getting slack about writing before I eat.. but one thing that is clear is that I am talking positively to myself...working on myself.. willing myself to functional eating.. boosting myself along..

It's something I've always done. I did it when I wrote letters to myself before I got sober. This letter when I was desperately trying to moderate.. and this letter on the day that I decided to stop drinking. Three days after quitting I started writing this blog. Obviously using words and language is crucially important to me and a very powerful took that I use to keep sober. I recommend it.

I also recommend getting a onesie and putting it on whenever you are at home alone feeling like you need a hug. Putting a onesie on is just like getting a big hug.

And I also recommend visualizing yourself as the person you want to be - strong and sober and together and calm. And visualize very clearly the person you don't want to be - boozy and sloppy and heavy and dull. I still have a very clear image in my mind of the boozy me slumping my way to the toilet late at night in a dark house. Boozy miserable me. Not going back there ever.

Got a lovely email from a reader in the UK who is a part of a big sober network and says a lot of them are struggling to stay sober after about 8-10 months off the sauce… that the initial rush and excitement and interest in staying sober starts to wane and the 'DRINK WINE NOW' voice starts to dominate once more. She asked me…'have you any thoughts or advice?'

Here's my advice. It holds for Day 1, Day 111 and Day 1111.

Talk to yourself honestly, don't hide from the truth, boost yourself along, believe change is possible, keep a clear vision in mind of the boozy you - the person you don't want to be, and clearly visualize yourself as the person do want to be, don't believe all the lies your brain (and society) tells you about alcohol holding the golden ticket to fun, know that it is possible to live a wonderful, full, fun, lovely life with no alcohol in it, know that being fully emotional and raw and real is the way us humans are supposed to live and it is a truly wonderful feeling - to be truly alive and alert to everything that goes on, even the tough stuff. It is a revelation.

And buy a onesie.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. I love this post, Mrs D! Such good advice. It can be easy to squelch what's really happening, but for me being aware is essential in making the deep changes that need to be made in this getting sober gig. It's uncomfortable, but it's necessary. Talking to myself, honestly, is super hard, and it's sometimes ugly, but it's helping, and that's what matters. That as well as spotting the lies about alcohol--and they're everywhere. Hmm, if you're right about so many things, maybe when winter comes back to this hemisphere, I'll see about getting that onesie! xo

  2. Mrs. D I love your posts. Thanks:) You inspire me to try and figure things out.

  3. Can I add to your list "keep reading all the amazing sober blogs out there, and never let your hot water bottle get cold". XX

  4. Always good advice. Thanks.

  5. awesome post & great advice~ I just heard in a meeting, make your sober life more fun. Do things, try new things, put yourself out there. IF the sober life isn't more fun you won't stay here! Hugs!

  6. I love your advice. Every time I visit your blog I leave feeling happy and motivated.

    I also love the idea that sobriety is the natural state for we humans. The image that the alcohol industry sells is a pile of crap and the fact that they are just making money off of us is infuriating! I was talking about this the other day with my fiancé. I refuse to buy into this any longer. I don't know what I will put in its place but I'm not participating any longer.

    Thank you for the wise words and the sober thinking. At 28 days sober (for the 3rd time) I need to be reminded that life is full of possibilities if only we are present. It just seems like such a rosy future, why would we chose any other way?

    You rock Mrs. D.

  7. How very kind to go to the trouble to give such a thoughtful response. It is a great reminder that so re is the way we are supposed to be and that we have everything that we need to live a full life in that state. I have re posted this on the Soberistas site for those who were discussing it. This is 17/1 writing this response...thank you so much!

  8. I am a recent follower and 8 weeks sober. Thank you for all your great insight and helpful words of wisdom. You have become an almost evening inspiration to me to continue this amazing adventure to staying in sobriety. Thank you!

  9. 20 days sober. Have read my way through all of your blog history and listened to the blog radio clip. You are an inspirational writer and speaker! I am in my early 50's and have drunk alcohol all the way through my adult life, apart from pregnancies. I have drunk less as I have got older but I have always drunk habitually, if not necessarily excessively. Fed up with alcohol disrupting my sleep, and too many Sundays - mostly - lost to hangovers, I woke up 20 days ago as though a light bulb had pinged on in my head- FINALLY!!- and it dawned on me that I do not have to drink! Is there anyone else out there like me? Not absolutely hammering the bottle every night, but concerned that a lifelong habit has been ingrained without really thinking about it?

  10. Am sitting in bed, hungover, depressed a few days from retirement. I found Mrs. D and would like to live my new life without feeling this way again. I am reading her month one posts and thinking a sober life is possible

  11. Well I'm 53 Metaphysical Q and although it's not been very long without wine so far, I wish I'd done it years ago. Having said that, I'm so glad I've finally given it a go - it feels like a burden has been lifted and I already feel so much better - clear headed, energetic, free! Mrs D has shown me the way and kept me going! Good Luck!

  12. I'll never buy a onesie... just saying...