Sometimes I wonder how the hell I managed everything when I was boozing heavily and losing sleep all the time and dealing with hangovers and feeling sick in my guts not to mention spending all that thinking time beating myself up for being terribly dysfunctional.
Last night, Friday night, I didn't have any wine as per my nowadays norm (as opposed to probably a bottle and a half before I quit), had a bath at 8pm, covered my face with night cream and climbed into bed to watch The Voice while reading a recipe magazine (I'm outing myself here as a BORING and TRAGIC housewife but what the hell). Slept soundly until 7am then got up and ... promptly got all stressed and grumpy.
Admittedly I was trying to get to a 9.30am pilates class at the gym for the first time on the weekend which meant I had to leave home at 9am. So I had two hours to get the boys breakfast, get them dressed ready for rugby practice, try to find the pump to pump up their new rugby balls, wrap a birthday present for the Middle Guy's birthday party later in the day, get him started on making a birthday card, put a load of washing through the machine and into the dryer (which is out in the bloody garage in this house), remember to eat breakfast myself, get my gym gear on and pack clothes at a towel etc so I could shower at the gym after the class, empty the dishwasher and put away last nights pots, change the Little Guy's nappy and put clothes on him .. and then get out the bloody door to go to the gym.
I felt really stressed! And snapped at my Little Guy for screaming loudly as I left I drove down the road thinking 'lower your shoulders .. breath'.
So .. I could try and drop the Superwoman act and not do so much next time before the class. Or I could try and do all in a more cruisy manner and not get so stressed and grumpy. Is the stress and grumpiness related to being sober? What would I have been like this morning doing all of that if I wasn't sober.
Ok so clearly I would have never tried to make a Saturday morning gym class before because I would have had a crashing hangover. I would have schlepped around in my dressing gown and had a slow start to the day.
But I'm sure I would have felt happier! Controversial statement there. And anyway I probably wouldn't because of the afore mentioned beating myself up mentally. I'm answering all my own questions here.
The whole reason I'm trying to get to the gym to do classes is to relieve my stress and grumpiness which is around more often because I don't squash everthing down constantly with wine. But I hate being stressed and grumpy more often. I challenge anyone with three young boys not to get pushed to the limit constantly .. but they didn't ask to be born. We chose to have them. So maybe I should just suck up my stress and grumpiness and get on with being a nicer person. Who happens to be sober.
And then I think what the hell am I complaining about, I'm bloody lucky to have the life I have so quit your moaning and cheer up! All I think I can do is press on doing everything I am doing - not drinking, working hard to be a good mother and wife and using my brain when I study and my body when I exercise. All the while attempting to be nice and not grumpy or stressed.
Love, Mrs D xxx