I think talking to myself is something that I have done a lot to get to where I am now. I wrote in an earlier post about a letter I wrote to myself on the morning that I stopped drinking forever. And just the other night while Mr D was out I found in my bedside drawer another letter I wrote to myself.
I think this one was written a few months before I stopped forever when I knew there was a big issue and I was trying very hard to moderate. But it's a bit goofy because I am just talking to myself and use my own name throughout...! I will reprint it here but do know that I was using my real first name, not Mrs D.
It's written in blue biro on two pages of a reporters notebook. One page is headed 'Goodbye' and the other 'Hello'. There are capital letters and underlining throughout.
Goodbye
- To the 'rebellious' Mrs D
- To the Mrs D who throws common sense out the window when it comes to drinking
- To the Mrs D who ignores the inner voice that knows it is stupid
- To hangovers, headaches + sick guts
- To wasting time worrying + beating myself up about drinking
- Say goodbye to a need to GET HAMMERED every time I drink
- To telling myself 'stuff it' it's ok to pound it harder
- Say goodbye to allowing the HUNGER for drink to dominate
- Say goodbye to thinking the only way to have a good time is by drinking LOTS FAST
- Say goodbye to the old Mrs D
- Grow up, move on, embrace a different second half of your life
Hello
- Say hello to the Mrs D you want to be for the rest of your life
- Say hello to a Mrs D who is grown up, reliable & sensible when it comes to drink
- Say hello to a Mrs D who is happy to stop drinking when the feeling is enough (think about going to bed, sleeping + waking up in the morning)
- think about that image of the person you want to be. Who feels together, sorted
- Hello to a mother who is not going to cause her sons any worry or harm
- Drink slower. Enjoy it. Remember the effect is delayed. STOP.
My boys are watching a dinosaur programme on Animal Planet in the room next door. The house smells of the delicious seedy dukkah I just made (for the first time). It is Saturday morning and I do not have a hangover. Hello, hello, hello.
Love, Mrs D xxxx
Hello to the Mrs D who has helped so many people, including me. I've been reading you for a long time but never commented. Over the last year I've used your blog to connect with other bloggers. I'm the person who reads your blog early in the morning and then checks your blog roll to see who else has posted. You might have seen me in your stats :-)
ReplyDeleteI've finally taken the step to join you and every single sober blogger that I've 'met' I've met through you. So thank you for writing your blog and thank you for connecting me with people who can help me in this journey. You've done more for me than you'll ever know. I'm just sorry that I haven't said hello before and sorry that I haven't thanked you before.
Hi it's Christy :) I love your blog, and I love this comment you left for Mrs. D. She has helped soooo many people and probably doesn't even realize it-- how sweet of you to leave this note for her.
Deletexx
~ RoS
Well then... I can't follow "the planz". I think she said it all.
ReplyDeleteTo quote a very wise woman...this blog matters.
Sherry
Ditto to everything The Planz wrote.....greetings from New Jersey, day 26.
ReplyDeleteIf I was able to write, I would have written these letters to myself. You describe me exactly. Thank you Mrs D.
ReplyDeleteI have several paper diary entries similar to this with titles like, "My Ideal Self."
ReplyDeleteI have to applaud you for having such a clear vision for yourself as a sober (or, in the case of this letter, moderate-drinking) woman. You were really laying a good mental foundation for yourself.
ReplyDeleteBoy, when I stopped, I didn't think I had any problems other than drinking too much. I was clueless about how much cleaning up of my side of the street lay ahead of me!
Thank you for sharing this, Mrs. D. You are always an inspiration!
XOXO
I'm with everyone above. Day 40 today and it was a rough one but I'm in bed now and I made it with no drink except ginger ale and maraschino cherry juice.
ReplyDeleteA lot of us read you Mrs D. Your words are comforting like a mother/sister/friend/counselor.
Thank you,
Grateful sober New Yorker
What an amazing letter, and i'm also in awe that you had such clarity about how your life would look sans booze.
ReplyDeleteThere's 17 reasons right there why life is better without alcohol. Wonderful!
You are so amazing Mrs. D. I LOVE THIS! :)
ReplyDeletexx
Christy
What an inspiring letter! i think you should give yourself a pat on the back...and a raise.
ReplyDeleteI have only recently found your blog and I am loving it. :) Now reading through the archives. But had to comment on this... when you say hello to the person you want to be. That resonated with me. I have been sober for about 40 days, and have been feeling some grief at giving it up lately. But what you say is right- i cannot be who I want to be as a drinker. I can only be her sober. I can be the real me.
ReplyDelete