I realise I'm still using my techniques hard out. Yesterday was a tough day, long day with the kids being whiny and moany, just feeling a bit flat and lonely, definitely felt like I could use a little something 'for me' as the day was drawing to a close. I don't automatically think of wine at 5 o'clock any more.. but it is definitely a time of the day when blood sugar/energy/patience levels are down. There has to be a reason for cocktail hour doesn't there.
So I realised I was doing that technique where I look 'through' those tricky hours 5-7pm and visualise myself doing something lovely for me after the kids are down and the house is in order and the work is done. This was something I had to be very conscious of doing in the early days when I was retraining my brain to operate without wine. I visualise myself doing something lovely (sober) later on and it gets me through.
Sometimes it's climbing into bed with a book. Sometimes it's having a bubble bath. Sometimes it's lying on the sofa with a cup of tea and a biscuit watching the news which has been recorded earlier, or the Kardashians. Sometimes it's getting the cookbooks out and planning some meals. Sometimes it's going online for some shopping or reading of blogs. Whatever it is it's for me and it's me doing it sober.
I actually had a 'pang' yesterday which was annoying. I was thinking about Christmas Day and suddenly had a sad feeling like something would be missing (bubbles or some sort of alcohol presumably). I was pissed off, haven't had sad pangs like that for a while. So I had to work my grey matter hard to think about Christmas day, really think about it and picture it all lovely and warm and fun despite no alcohol going down my throat. Of course it will be! I'm not going to give alcohol all the power to make anything in my life fun. Alcohol doesn't have the power to make anything better for me. Bloody alcohol. So I 'thought' that pang away and do now have an image in my mind of a lovely Christmas Day rich with love and food and treats where I am sober.
I've got to keep working my techniques and thinking positively and keeping my brain sharp and alert.
Now, time for a cup of green tea and some thesis writing......
Love, Mrs D xxx
I understand the part about looking through the witching hours until you can focus on yourself. I use to do that with blogging. I would get the kids off to bed and then go read recovery blogs for a few hours until it was time to call it a night.
ReplyDeleteMrs. D,
ReplyDeleteYou are my inspiration. Bless you for having the same thoughts and feelings when you are where you are in your sobriety, that I have where I am in my sobriety.
Please hang in there. You have a community. We are just not physically within proximity..but we are with you.
XXOO
June
I can relate to your feelings of loneliness. It's not always easy to settle into a new city/place and be so far from familiar faces and people who know you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your techniques... i'll keep them in mind if the booze hound comes sniffing around. xo
I still get the pangs too and tell myself, "Maybe in a year they'll be gone..." On the other hand, I turned to the cap'n last night and said, "Can you believe it's been over a year since I had a hangover or vomited?" A quick reminder that my life with alcohol was not the pretty life I mistakenly mourn.
ReplyDeleteIf you have Martinelli's over and down there, they have a new mango-apple sparkling cider that is really good and makes a suitable bubbly substitute in a bubble bath.
I moved a lot as a child and even recently from one side of the states to the other. It's hard, and each time you feel a little like you're starting your life over. That's a bit sad, but it can also be exciting; new beginnings and all that.
ReplyDeleteA book in a bath sounds nice... I always get the damn pages wet though.
I think you are amazing Mrs. D. Enjoy your weekend!
sweet jesus, i had the same christmas pang last night, and even said to husband: "i'm ready for it to be christmas, i can't wait for an extended vacation with eggnog. oh, but it'll be eggnog without rum for me. am i really going to have christmas without rum?" and he said um-hmm and then we went to sleep ...
ReplyDeletethere must be something in the air - something christmasy. i don't even really like rum, i just liked getting buzzed in front of a brightly decorated tree...
Hi, I really appreciate your blog and look forward to reading more of it. I have been trying to use my own techniques and they work for while but then I drink again. This is the first time I have tried to chronicle this mess. I am on day 4 of being sober and am just reading over blogs to get some tips that have helped others. Thanks for writing!
ReplyDeleteLovely tricks to keep in mind during the "witching hours" - I will have my first to encounter this evening. Have been a lurker and am finally ready to start my own journey and join this incredible community. Looks like I have also found some more blogs on your page so will be checking those out shortly. Thank you for being a huge inspiration for months!
ReplyDelete