I never stumbled drunkenly down the street out in full view of the public (mind you, if there'd been a camera in my house late at night you would have witnessed a fair amount of stumbling).
I certainly never drank so much that you'd ever see me vomit (always managed to get inside the house and kneel over the toilet if I ever did go that little bit too far).
I never lost any terribly important belongings when out on a bender (lucky I don't count favourite earrings as important, or that pager I once lost on the streets of London).
My drinking never affected my ability to work a job competently (although I always enthusiastically participated in work drinks).
I held down very successful interpersonal relationships despite my heavy drinking thank-you-very-much (but it's amazing how much better, stronger and more real they feel now).
I didn't go broke because I spent all our money on wine (but we are saving hundreds of dollars every month now that I don't constantly buy the stuff, not to mention all those painkillers to deal with the headaches).
I never had a face reddened by broken capillaries or terribly bloodshot eyes (although looking back I did have a certain puffiness to my appearance that has now completely gone!).
I never offended anyone while loaded to the point where I had to apologise to them the next day (but I did spend a lot of time in my own head wishing, wishing, wishing I hadn't said that thing I said the night before).
No-one ever had to talk to me about my drinking, asking if I worried about how much I drank or telling me to cut back (only because drinking steadily and heavily is totally accepted in our society and for a long time I didn't let on to anyone how dysfunctional and unhealthy my drinking was becoming).
I was in complete control. (I wasn't in the slightest, truth be told. I had no control over how much I drank. Once I started, that was it, I was on a mission to get more in me...get more in me...get more in me).
I was happy being a drinker! (I wasn't actually).
Ok, so maybe I am that kind of alcoholic. Whatever that kind of alcoholic is. If that kind of alcoholic is the kind I describe in parenthesis above, then that kind of alcoholic I am.
Love, Mrs D xxx