So I think I'm starting to understand what this six month slump thing is all about. I'm not going to call it depression because for me that would be ridiculous, I'm certainly not depressed but have a melancholy sadness inside with regards to my new sober life.
I've been trying to observe it in a detached way and analyse how I am feeling, because, you know, I'm self obsessed and introspective and this is a blog about ME ME ME ha! So here goes...
Firstly I think the novelty has completely and utterly worn off. The alcohol has not passed my lips for six months, hangovers are a distant memory, I'm used to sleeping well and I can barely remember all the emotional energy I used to waste beating myself up for over-indulging.
So the joy and happiness and self-congratulatory air I had floating around me has drifted off and I"m left with just the reality of being stone-cold sober all the time.
And I'm beginning to accept and adjust to the fact that that I am a changed woman. Not completely, obviously. I'm still a lot of things I was before but I'm not some of the other things. Most of these changes are subtle and not always visible from the outside but I have to accept that they may be picked up on occasion. 'Mr and Mrs D are coming to the party .. you know she doesn't drink any more eh' (said with a disappointed air).
If I'm really honest I think I'm struggling with that because I used to think that sober people were boring (on the occasions when I was boozing). Truth is I used to think non-drinkers were geeks and losers. And now I'm one of them. Geeky Mrs D.
So this is an adjustment. And adjusting I am. One sober day at a time.
But I have decided that I am going to the hens party this weekend. I'm going because I love my friend who is getting married and I want to meet some of her old friends before the wedding. And her mother and mother-in-law will also be there and I bet there'll be more than just me not boozing. So I'll go, but I'll go accepting that I am a more low-key version of the woman I used to be and that's just a fact.
Love, Mrs D xxx