I just love this. I love the idea it gives me to embrace that flat feeling that I get sometimes and see it as a positive rather than a negative. I love that. It's a practical tangible exercise that I can work on, one that I really think will help me in the weeks ahead of the festive season.
Anonymous is responding to my last two posts and is acknowledging yes, we have left hell, but no, we're not in heaven.....we're somewhere in between...just have a read...
I was thinking purgatory which is much better than hell, but still life with it's ups and downs. Like in purgatory, if it exists, there is a sense of waiting. What are we really here for anyway? There's sense at times of wanting to go back and another sense that is hopefully stronger, of wanting to move forward. I think heaven, and peace is ultimately what we strive for, and our destination.
Becoming sober is one step on that journey. And yes, other Mrs D, I agree that the moments like that when we feel flat, in a sense I too believe it is a glimmer at peace and if we choose to open our arms wide open to it, we can have it more and more and the flatness will seem more positive. It only feels negative because we feel like we are missing, like we are missing an old sense of ourselves. But that's OLD, and not not happy and not where we want to do. Let's make peace and heaven our destination. We don't get there overnight though, so let's allow purgatory to teach us the lessons we need to learn. There is some excitement in that too I reckon. Love and light x
To anonymous I thank you and send back the love and light that you so graciously offered to me.
Love, Mrs D xxx
I love it too! Very well put :) I'll have to save this in my "sanity=sobriety" files.
ReplyDeleteVery insightful and thought-provoking! I love it. Thank you for sharing it with us!
ReplyDeletexoxox
No matter how hard I try...I can't get with the "purgatory" thing. I'm Catholic and purgatory was never a good thing. It was a punishment and kept you from getting to the good stuff - which is heaven.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just that I'm through the purgatory phase and have reached my heaven or maybe I'm just not over the damage a Catholic education did to me.
No matter - I just love reading your posts.
Sherry
Love this Mrs D, so glad you shared. It reminds me Dr. Seuss' book "Oh the Places You Will Go" Remember that one? There's a section in the book about "The Waiting Place"....
ReplyDelete"You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!"
Thanks for the shout out Mrs D. You help keep me strong! To the others, I call myself 'the Other Mrs D' because I really AM a Mrs D! But beyond that I feel like I have so much in common with our wonderful Mrs D. Just love her.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the purgatory idea...and like you, SoberMomRocks, I am also a Catholic but I like this idea because I like to think of purgatory as a period where we take time and a clear mind to reflect on our lives and right the wrongs so to speak. I am sure alot of ppl like us have things we need to think about and come to terms with. One example is with all the years I was drinking, how much did I miss of my kids growing up? I was so focused in the evenings on getting to 'wine time' that I am sure I missed out on some good bonding moments with them. It's time for me to reflect upon that and come to terms with it. So, for me, I like this idea. And I LOVE this group.
Now to get off topic....today's date...12/12/12....made me chuckle. I had been trying for years to quit. I would negotiate with my 'wine brain' all kinds of dates...It had to be a significant date because I didn't want to forget the date I quit...yeah, my wine soaked brain made me think like that...ha ha. Anyway, for the last 2 yrs I 'planned' to quit on 10/10/10 and then 11/11/11...no luck. I had thought, Ok, 12/12/12 will be my final date as there is no 13/13/13. Lucky for me I got tired of all that THINKING and PLANNING and NEGOTIATING...and I finally just QUIT...10/1/12. Will I ever forget that date? Um...NOPE! Have a great sober night everyone!!!
This is amazing. That feeling of missing, ugh I so feel it right now. My sponsor was saying the holidays are difficult because we have a perception of what it is supposed to look like. I know in years past I spent a lot of time trying to frantically arrange my holidays into my perfect picture. Drinking all the way. Not drinking for the first time, I feel separate from it all and that makes me a bit sad. I started reading Anne Lamott's Help, Thanks, Wow last night. She said, "We learn through pain that some of the things we thought were castles turn out to be prisons." I think Christmas is one of those castles. It still holds promise because it looks shinier and brighter than regular life. The illusion is much more difficult to let go of.
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs D, I have really enjoyed blog and have nominated your blog as a very inspiring blog.
ReplyDeletehttp://facingfactsaboutmyself.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/very-inspiring-blogger-award/
Thanks, Paul
Wonderful post!!! This blog is a wonderful, safe place to come and visit when I'm feeling down, regretful, scared, or even inspired to kick it all to the curb for good. I'm often perplexed by the mind game that alcohol plays on us. The biggest fear I ever had in cutting back, as I did, or in cutting it out completely, as I sometimes think about, is not being able to lose myself and have fun. Like you say often, that "flat" feeling. But we come into this world as little people eager for fun and knowing how to make it (if we're lucky to have good circumstances), and so surely we can be full, whole, fun-filled beings without alcohol, right? Anyway, that's my big hurdle, and what I come here to find comfort about. :) Love the blog, and thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete