So now I've left my personal hell behind, where am I? Am I in heaven?
Not sure. What I am, is sober all the time. Sober. All the time.
Yesterday we hosted a lovely christmas party/farewell for friends. 15 kids, 13 adults. Our house. Nibbles, drinks, pizza. Secret Santa (Mr D donned the suit!). Lolly scramble. Chatting, laughing fun.
I felt a bit flat. Sorry to say that but I did. Is it because I wasn't drinking? Maybe. Is it because I was tired from writing lots of my thesis all weekend? Possibly. But I think it was more to do with the fact that I was sober. Again.
Sober all the time.
So yeah... I love being out of my personal hell. I love not having hangovers and not having guilt and not feeling sick in my guts and sick in my head. I love respecting myself and feeling strong and healthy. I love that my skin is clear and I love that people think I'm amazing and strong. I love that I don't buy wine all the time and guzzle it like it's about to disappear from the earth forever. I love that I don't think about wine constantly and I love that I feel really in touch with my emotions. I love my blog and the online community that I have discovered and I'd have none of that if I hadn't decided to go sober and start writing about what I'm feeling to try and make sure I can stick to my resolve. I love all of that.
The flipside is, I am sober. All the time.
That's a fact.
It's ok. Really it is. It's just a fact. It's just the way it has to be. So yesterday, yes, I did feel a bit flat. It was a party and other people were drinking. Wine! Beer! Whiskey! (yes the whiskey did come out towards the end canyoubelieveit?!). And I stayed sober. Sober Mrs D.
Is this heaven? Not sure. Whatever it is, it sure beats hell.
Love, Mrs D xxx