.. the thought came swooping in with sharp talons at the ready. Imagine having a glass of red wine tonight. It's the first time since almost 2 months ago when I stopped drinking (I'm conveniently ignoring the 5 days of heavy drinking in the middle that sparked the final brutal decision to stop altogether forever.)
Last night was the first time that I'd actually had that thought accompanied by a little 'pull' to drink. A familiar yearning. Oh I had to squash that down! And then since, some romantic thoughts of alcohol and a gut wrench that I'll never experience that again. Really, never again? It seems unreal in those moments.
I have to keep reminding myself what sloppy horrible hell the wine drinking had become for me and that the romantic ideal will never exist again.
This is going to be hard I can see that. I haven't really been challenged properly yet. And I've put myself completely on the line by telling family.
Please strength be with me always.
Love, Mrs D xxx