... these are the things that saved me.
I saw a friend for a coffee today and she told me about a friend of hers whose husband's drinking is causing immense grief. He's boozing heavily, hiding it, lying about it. She's trying to talk to him about it, and has threatened to leave and take the kids with her, but he's aggressive and in denial, and he says she's uptight and won't let him be himself. He doesn't seem to feel any guilt or think of himself as having a problem. I don't get that! Is he lying to her or is he lying to himself? This is an attitude that I just cannot relate to.
For me it was the overwhelming guilt and feeling of being a terrible dysfunctional drinker that got me to stop. The guilt, the guilt, the guilt, it tormented me loudly and clearly after each drinking session. I couldn't not be brutally honest with myself. It was blatantly clear to me the increasing speed with which I was drinking and amounts that I was downing. And of course the twisted internal dialogue I had going on with regards to my beloved wine. It was a sickness in my head that I simultaneously embraced (while drinking) and repelled against (when not).
Thank fucking hell that the voice telling me that this was 'WRONG, WRONG, WRONG' was stronger than the voice that told me to 'Drink Mrs D! Drink!'.
Why did that happen for me? And why doesn't it happen for others? What can be done about this bloke who is ruining his relationship and damaging his kids (probably) yet doesn't or won't accept that there is a problem. Does he really genuinely think there is no problem, despite that he pisses his pants on regular occasions? I do not get it.
Love, Mrs D xxx
P.S. Pissing my pants while drunk is one thing that I NEVER did - hooray for me (not).