So the very next night after I wrote my post confessing to dysfunctional sugar binging I went and did it again. Two little bowls of cereal heaped with sugar. And I mean HEAPED. It's not about the cereal, it's about the sugar.
It was quite funny actually at one point Mr D came into the kitchen/family room to rummage around in a box for something and I froze at the kitchen bench, totally caught in the act with the spoon in my hand and the sugar container sitting proudly in full view (I'd confessed to him that I'd been naughty the night before). Luckily he found what he was looking for and went away without spotting me and I finished the job quickly and scurried off to bed to eat the contraband.
Anyway the next morning of course I was all grumpy and snapping at the boys for not knowing what they wanted for breakfast and just being a grouchy, grumpy person. A short while later amid boxes and shit I said to Mr D "I hate this.. I hate all the mess and being in limbo .. and the thought of unpacking at the other end makes me shudder. I'm not stressed or anything.. I'm just hating this". He said nothing much.
Then later we were outside by the garage and I snapped at him for not grabbing a plastic bottle before it rolled completely under the car and he paused and just looked at me for a minute and BAM my self-awareness/honesty button got pushed and I blurted out "Ok I'm stressed! I am!! I'm just stressed and I'm hating this and ask any housewife moving house is awful and stressful and I'm just not enjoying this process AT ALL! Look at me! I'm grumpy and snappy and sugar binging like a freak. All the signs are there - I'm stressed!!!"
And then I felt so much better. Just like that I felt better. Amazeballs.
Not sure if this is true for everyone but I seem to have to clearly identify and put into words how I am feeling in order to deal with it. That's probably why I blah on about myself in a blog and in person to everyone I meet all the time (oh gawd, what must people think of me?). Brutal honesty gives me power. Blogging is powerful for me not just because of the wonderful community of support but because I am externalising what's going on for me internally... and that is fucking powerful my friends.
Are other people the same as me? I reckon even if you were saying something truthful out loud to the mirror with no-one else around it would be incredibly powerful. Words are powerful. Thoughts can be deceiving. Put thoughts and feelings into words and they become easier to understand and manage. That's what I think anyway.
So... no more sugar binging from now until we move later this week. Hopefully this works!
Love, Mrs D xxx