Some people get sober and discover they're naturally introverted and happiest being cosy at home.
Some people get sober and realise they are naturally shy and stop trying to force themselves to be the life of the party in social situations.
Some people get sober and realise wine isn't the necessary ingredient in social situations and they're just as happy and chatty without it.
Some people can naturally do small talk. Some people can't. Taking alcohol away makes it plain which of those you are, and eventually… the more practice you get at being sober in social situations.. the happier you'll be being the natural you.
I've always admired people who can stay quiet and introverted in social situations and be comfortable with that. I think that's cool. We don't all have to sparkle and suck up all the oxygen. It takes all types.
If you can't do small talk well getting sober won't help you with that. But it'll make you more comfortable with that fact about yourself. I think it's all about becoming authentic.
The authentic you.
I love the word authentic. I love it. I love how it looks on the page, I love how it sounds, and I love what it means. There is nothing even the slightest bit bad about authenticity. I even love how you can turn it into a word that sounds like electricity…!
Taking the alcohol away just helps you figure out who the authentic you is. And don't you think when we're all sitting on our porches in our rocking chairs aged 80-ish looking back over our lives, the thing we''ll be most happy about is that we lived authentically? Lived comfortably as who we really are.
There are so many things I love about being sober. And there are some things that are still tricky (for me it's figuring out how to sit comfortably with uncomfortable emotions). But what I love most of all is that whether I'm up or down or happy or sad or stressed or chilled or laughing or crying, what I am being is authentic to me in that exact moment. And the more of those moments that I accumulate, the better I feel about myself.
Figuring me out.
Get sober folks. It's awesome.
And with that it's goodnight!!
Love, Mrs D xxx
another great post Mrs D...
ReplyDeleteI do some small talk but struggle to maintain it beyond the "weather's funny lately" kind of thing. Ask me about my kids or my guitars... or guitars in general and I'm off and fine and dandy. There are other subjects I'm good at.
I'm learning though to listen more and better - being on the course I'm on has really helped on that. I find that actually if I listen and then just summarise and reflect what the person just said they carry on doing the talking! I tried this with someone recently I'd just met - they told me so much! In mins I knew his job, that he'd changed jobs recently as the old one was really stressing him out, roughly where he lived, how many kids he had, how old they were - incredible how much I learnt and actually how little he probably learnt about me as I hardly said much about me at all. In old days I'd have been looking to steer that conversation about me and my agenda etc. just so I felt more comfortable on my teritory but I'm happy to sit outside my home space now and just let someone else guide that and still show interest etc. Some reading this will say "But that is just natural"... trust me for over 40 years of my life none of this was natural it was all about me, me, me, me, me... and sometimes... ME!
My comment went away!
ReplyDeleteAnyway...I was saying that this is the most awesome of posts. That the word authentic is an amazing word and I love it too.
And that I love you because no matter what...you are authentic.
If my other comment shows up...feel free to delete one of them.
Hugs,
Sherry
In social situations, I always felt a need to talk and be witty and FILL THE VOID. I''m starting to realize that that is not my void to fill ... or maybe there is no void, it's just a cocktail party. Imagine that!
ReplyDeleteSmall talk is extremely hard for me. In social situations w/o alcohol I am very much the person sitting in the corner just watching and only talking to people who approach me. I like to think of myself as a "keen observer" rather than a snob, though the latter I fear is how I come off to others. How I appear or seem to others is something that I need to try not to worry about, but it is hard to do. When I drank socially it was primarily because it gave me more self-confidence, got me out of my corner... but probably the same confidence is there all the time, I just need to find a different way to let it out? Or maybe I just need enough confidence to be comfortable with being quiet. Rather than a social butterfly I should be happy with being an authentic wallflower. Afterall, butterflies need quiet places to land don't they?
ReplyDeleteYou are inspiring! Thank you for your blog! I heard about it a couple months ago in the Yahoo BFB group and started reading from the beginning. It is nice to have caught up but now it is like waiting for the next new episode of a favorite show. :) Looking forward to your book. I am on Day 80 but not public about it yet. Working up my nerve to own it. To not only be the quiet one in the corner, but to be the one who doesn't drink...
Another inspirational one.
ReplyDeleteI've signed up for the 100 day commitment,on nite four I've made it past un-happy hour.wish me luck love your blog
ReplyDeleteI first stayed home to avoid drinking situations. (I am still very newly sober.) For awhile I worried that I was being too isolated, but now I tell myself being home and cozy and safe is better during this phase.
ReplyDeleteIt's never too late for authentic :) What a grand word.
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. D., Interesting post to ponder. Hmmmm. I think I'm a much better listener in social situations now that I am sober. I don't have my Alcohol Brain talking to me about getting another glass of wine. My head is clear and I can focus on the person I am chatting with. How did I ever manage before?
ReplyDelete