Mr D has been overseas for the past 8 days for work. I'm having an ok time.. took me a few days to realise I needed to 'work my programme', which doesn't really mean anything official because I don't have an 'official programme' .. just a few techniques and things that I know help me feel better as I move through my days. Although I do love being able to use recovery jargon and sound like a pro - I'm working my programme baby!!
I spent the first part of the week going through my manuscript for the final time and then couriering it back to the publishers. An intense and introspective process that always gets me wrapped up inside myself.. but I know I go on about that every time I mention my book so I'm not going to mention it again now until it comes out…
Then I got major tech-angst trying to get a 'Follow By Email' button working on this page.. took a couple of failed attempts and this is stuff I'm not very good at (oh to have an IT support person I could call on for help). It's finally working (witness the happy me when I received an email from myself alerting me to the new post I'd just written!).. but then I've also been getting the odd email from people saying they're having trouble leaving comments on my posts.. GAH. More tech-angst.
Then with Mr D away I was finding myself on my phone all the time in the evenings.. checking for comments, checking if the missing plane had been found, checking twitter, Facebook, checking twitter again, news sites, Words with Friends…
It was all very narrowly focussed… literally my eyes on a small screen (or bigger screen if at the computer worrying about tech-y stuff)… and figuratively me just being in my head and too much tech-y stuff and then I realised… I'd stopped cooking and listening to music and making the house nice and stuff.
So I started 'working my programme' which means doing the things that make me feel grounded and calm and relaxed. Centered. Connected. In the real world and not my 'head' world.
* Burning oils like a hippy in my groovy oil-burner on the window ledge.
* Playing all the cheesy pop songs that I know make me feel good. Turning up the lovely ballads that I can sing along too. Hunting out old albums from my youth that are sentimental (In My Tribe by 10,000 Maniacs.. love it!)
* Cooking. Old recipes that the kids love. New recipes to make me feel creative. Taking the time to look at cookbooks and choose recipes and gather ingredients and experiment.
* Looking up and out at the horizon. Imagining that I am a bird flying (sorry but I do do that).
* Listening to Tara Brach. This link is to one of her best talks. I love her. Just imagining Tara Brach talking can calm me down.
* Watering the flower pots outside and the new vege garden me and the kids are building. Making plans to plant bulbs now as we head into winter to get daffodils in the spring.
* Reading books. A great memoir this week by Jackson Galaxy called 'Cat Daddy'. He writes really well on addiction and getting sober.
* Having baths. I haven't been having any baths since we've been in our new house but I had two this week and I think they're important for me. They're symbolic of self-care.
* Making sure my thoughts are kind and positive and constructive, not negative or uptight.
* Eating well. Letting little bits of sugar and wheat in without beating myself up but maintaining a nice healthy base-line diet.
* Not touching alcohol ever and feeling really fucking great about that.
It's all 'work-in-progress' stuff. Sometimes I'm better at it than at other times. But it works. And life continues on, the days come and go, and it's all ok.
Love, Mrs D xxx