I was talking with a gorgeous girlfriend yesterday about how I get wine in the house if we have visitors who are drinkers. And she said something like 'it's so great that you can do that and not be tempted'.
I didn't respond immediately but my brain was whirring so a couple of minutes later I found myself revisiting her comment and blurting out a response…
'Sorry I just have to go back to what you just said about me not being tempted. There is not even the slightest bit of me that is tempted by alcohol any more. There's not even point-nought-nought-nought-nought-nought-one percent of me that is tempted by alcohol. You guys can all have it.. I don't want that shit in my life. I even feel angry now that I was lied to for most of my life that it was necessary and the essential ingredient for fun.. maybe it was me lying to myself .. but now I'm free of it I don't want to touch it in the slightest. I don't find it difficult not drinking AT ALL. What I do still find difficult is being emotional.. but I'm getting better at that all the time.. but not touching alcohol isn't hard at all."
(She was smiling at me, not minding my fired-up speech at all).
People who have yet to stop, know this. That voice in your head telling you to drink will go. That pull you have towards alcohol will go. This is an addiction that can be beaten. So long as you keep at the not drinking for long enough… and properly examine the reasons why you want to drink… the longing for alcohol will go.
So there's two things; first there's the grit and determination needed in the early weeks and months to resist urges, and second there's the proper examination needed into the reasons for drinking. Doing the second thing properly will help the first thing fade and eventually disappear. Each time you get a hard-out pang look honestly at what is going on and explore that rather than reaching for alcohol to make it go away. If it's some really big shit going on you may need outside help from a trained professional to help you deal with that shit.. but it's dealing with that shit and not pushing it away with a liquid drug that will get you to the point where you don't crave alcohol any more.
I know I'm over-simplifying massively and feel free to disagree but I want to send a big message of HOPE because I am living proof this can be done. And if I can do it - me being completely addicted to wine as a life choice after necking it steadily and heavily for 20 years - then anyone can.
And by the way the reason I get wine in the house for guests who are drinkers is because I understand completely what it is like to rely on wine and I don't judge anyone for that.
Love, Mrs D xxx