Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Not perfect, happy

Lots of lovely comments.. lots of positive vibes.. lots of wonderment and bravery and appreciation and general gorgeousness coming from around this wonderful community of ours we call the sober blogging world.

COMMUNITY. That's what it's all about people. Us helping each other. The circular world. I remember the first time I left a comment back on someone else's blog.. a person who had just given me my first ever comment.. and it was like a double whammy of support. Being supported and supportive. Looking outward and helping others as much as we are looking inward and helping ourselves. It's vital and so very cool.

I got a snippy comment on my last post which did feel a bit like a slap in the face. It said something like "self-satisfied much? Look at you with your perfect life." Ouch. I deleted it because this is my blog and I don't want snippy negativity here but obviously someone felt I'd come over a bit arrogant.

But then I thought that honestly my last post did have smug overtones (me in my fringed kimono living my fabulous life) so fair enough (sorta).

And then I thought.. who is this person that is visiting a blog written about someone who has gotten sober, reacting badly to them feeling sober-tastic and feeling the need to leave a snippy comment pulling them down? It might be a person who is actually really lovely and kind and nice but is feeling like utter shit because alcohol has it's grips in so deep and they feel so bad about themselves they don't want to bask in the glow of someone else's (temporary) sober glory. I dunno.

I do know living sober is FUCKING HARD sometimes so when I'm feeling great and on a high I want to milk that feeling for all it's worth THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! (That's my defensiveness coming out.)

And now I'm off to put the washing in the dryer, go take the library books back and pay the car registration and buy some tracing paper for my 9-year old. Me and my fabulous life.

It's not fabulous all the time. Sometimes it's mundane. Sometimes it's gritty, glum and flat. And sometimes it's upbeat and fun. The only thing it constantly is, is sober. And that is a good thing.

Love, Mrs D xxx

23 comments:

  1. Mrs D, I love what you say about the circular world. It's so true! Being connected to each other in our ups and downs is such an important part of blogging your way sober. The connection is the substance of it, not some decorative add-on. And you have to be able to be happy when you're happy, otherwise the whole process would seem filled with drear and misery, which is just not how it is. Anyway, here's to you and your fun times with friends and kimonos and well as your mundane library and tracing-paper errands. Fabulous indeed! xo

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  2. Mrs. D., your last post was wonderful. You have a very distinctive voice on the sober blogs: upbeat, positive and focused on keeping the party going, sans alcohol. This can be in contrast (but not in contradiction) to other voices out there, who are on their own journey, experiencing their own personal sobriety. Isn't that fantastic? Everybody learning their own lessons. True Home Schoolin', you know? Keep blogging to your own beat, sister.

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  3. Your comments on other blogs have always put a smile on my face. You are so wise beyond your years. Because of your blog name, I thought of you as much older. Imagine my surprise in finding that you are 4 years my junior!

    After listening to you on the Bubble Hour, I thought I was way past due in coming over to meet you properly. So, thanks for being such a strong sober support for so many, including myself. I think you are wonderful.

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  4. The more positive the better! Over here on day five, it's so ridiculously helpful to hear - as many times as necessary to combat the wine-as-fun messages - that life beyond alcohol can be amazing. I'm very thankful for you.

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  5. I too just heard you on the bubble hour and thought your post was Wonderful without a hint of smug overtones. I loved reading about your fabulous outfit and the tea pot and we all deserve to be joyous! It give me hope that I'll have days like that also.

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  6. I love the comment about the circular world too. I was just thinking this morning, as I was replying to a couple emails from newly sober people who'd found my blog recently and written, about that AA saying about 'keeping it by giving it away'. It's really true - supporting each other is also supporting ourselves in trying to get/staying sober.

    I am disappointed about the snippy comment because it kind of amazes me (given how notoriously snipe-filled internet forums can be) that you really don't seem to see that around here - only support and kindness.

    You have absolutely NOTHING to apologise for or justify. Your bubbly positivity is so encouraging and wonderful.

    Lilly xo

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  7. I love your positive upbeat posts :) It's good to know that being sober is a great way of life, that you have found genuine meaning and deep joy in living a sober life. It's not an image that is held up much in society / media, where having fun and a good time = drinking alcohol. Given that being boring and never having fun again are most peoples biggest fears when quitting, or even just thinking about it, it's great to see a counter-image from the sober world. We need that! (And besides, anyone who regularly checks out your blog will know that there is a measure of difficult normal life in there too.) Up with glamorous sober fabulousness! And laundry chores!
    MTM. x

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  8. I know I already posted on this, however you mentioned on the bubble hour about modeling sobriety. So so many people say "how will I EVER have fun at a party again if I don't drink?." You showed that life, and parties, can be joyous fun even if there is no booze involved. I just loved that.

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  9. I love the upbeat,happy posts. We all know and experienced the dark side. It's so nice to know there's light at the end of the tunnel if we keep at it. Jealousy is very very ugly.

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  10. Ditto to what everyone says here. I love all the upbeat happy posts and I'd LOVE to see a pic of that kimono! So jealous...it sounds GORGEOUS.

    Love and hugs,
    Sherry

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  11. I rather like reading positive, upbeat sobriety things..call me crazy ;) Your blog has really helped me in part I think because you DO still enjoy life. And you live it fully. When you quit drinking there is a feeling of "am I ever going to have fun again?". It is reassuring to hear from people that are sober and happy. Who wants to be sober and unhappy?

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  12. I like the positive posts too - because being happy is part of life too (thank god) and it would be completely bizarre to not acknowledge that and to only post about the hard times, or the flat times, or what ever. Your blog is great to read because you blog about it all - and so it is real. Also, for me anyway, being a boozer was all about beating myself up and feeling guilty and anxious and ashamed ALL THE TIME!! I became an expert at that little range of emotion and my ability to experience the other side - and to acknowledge my strengths and celebrate my successes and like myself kind of dwindled.
    And (this has clearly pushed some buttons) I'm learning as I learn to manage my emotions sober that all emotions pass. Thankfully, that's the negative ones, but it's also the positive ones, life and our reactions to it just keeps rolling along - so I'm learning how to notice the good times and crow about them (is crowing the same as being smug? I don't know. Smug suggests lording it over other people for some reason, whereas crowing is just shouting it out - for the record, I definitely don't think you came across as smug. Crowing maybe. Good on you - Go you!!! I'm waving my sober flag for you!!!

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  13. I think you are wonderful. I am just beginning my journey to sobriety and have to admit I am terrified. I have been reading your posts and honestly I am so looking forward to the day I can say WHO NEEDS WINE?! Thank you so much Mrs D for showing that sobriety doesn't mean life will be boring.

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  14. Your posts are so awesome and encouraging. Good on you to delete snarky comments! As I read, my immediate thought was that it was probably someone buzzed reaching out and searching, but just drunk enough to be ugly.....you inspire so many. Thank you so much!

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  15. I love your blog. I also tuned into the Bubble Hour. I felt like I was listening to all of my old friends!

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  16. Always delete snarky! You also used my favorite technique for not being dragged down by snarkiness: Imagining the source person in some personal crisis that almost excuses their rudeness: That car cut me off? Probably on the way to the hospital to see their mom after emergency surgery! The rude store clerk? Probably worrying about how to make rent this month, etc, etc. Silly, I guess, but it makes me feel better!

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  17. Hey Mrs D, I love it that you're out there dancing in your sparkly gear, shaking up mocktails, and flaunting that fringed kimono. It's a good look for sober cool. Keep it coming. XX

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  18. That is the opposite of how that other post hit me. I was encouraged that I,too, would one day love this sober life. I already have those moments but I am still in the white knuckle stage as well.
    Yesterday was a white knuckler and I cleaned out every drawer in my bathroom to stay busy...but your post kept me sober because I thought I want that carefree joy and I want a fringed kimono!! Please keep telling us how great it is...we need to know there is a reason to go through these tough days.

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  19. I really enjoy your blog and I am one week in AA-now a week sober. You are an inspiration to newbies and helped me open the car door and walk into a room of others:)

    xo Kat

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  20. Mrs. D you were great on The Bubble Hour! I really enjoyed hearing the voice behind all of the inspiration you've given! Thank you for being you!

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  21. The Voice on Bubble Hour! Loved listening to you

    Mrs D, I zap mean comments to oblivion without thinking twice. Somebody out there wants to spoil another person's day and I don't let them do that.

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  22. Fantastic post! Just found this blog so am about to trawl through posts so I understand what this is all about. Thanks

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