I just lay on the sofa all morning and watched TV. And I don't care what anyone says about that. You know .. there's all this talk about being mindful and staying in the moment.. well I just mindfully watched 3 hours of reality TV.. fully present under my blanket on the couch.
Soon I am going to go pick up my 4-year-old from kindy.. it's raining and I have no idea what to do with him until 3pm when I have to get the two big boys from school. Maybe we'll go to the museum. Maybe we'll go to a mall. Maybe we'll go second hand shopping - now there's an idea! I'll drag him around some second-hand shops and then take him to a cafe. He can have a fluffy and I'll have a nice coffee.
Enjoying the calm before the storm I suppose. The storm that is about to hit my life when my book comes out and I go HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME I'M AN ALCOHOLIC! I USED TO DRINK SHITLOADS OF WINE AND FELT BLOODY MISERABLE ALL THE TIME AND NOW I DON'T TOUCH ALCOHOL AT ALL AND GUESS WHAT…IT'S AN AMAZING WAY TO LIVE!!!! I'M SO HAPPY TO BE SOBER!!!
I won't yell it of course.. but it will feel like a yell in a way.. yelling through the pages of the book and all the publicity that will come when it is released.
I'm cool with that. I have in my minds eye the shadowy figure of a women in a dressing gown.. miserable with a pounding head and sick guts and overwhelming feeling of guilt. It's me 2 1/2 years ago.. and it's the me back then that I want to talk to now. I just want to tell her.. it's ok.. you can get out of this… it will be tough at first but you can do it. And you won't be miserable. You'll just be sober and happy.
Been wondering exactly what it means to be 'living in recovery'. Is it something that is on-going? Or is it something we move through and beyond? What does 'living in recovery' mean to you?
For me living in recovery means I have recovered my true self from under the gallons of wine I'd sunk over 20-odd years. It means staying grateful for my sobriety and never forgetting where I've come from or underestimating the transformation I have experienced. Living in recovery means I can lie on the couch for three hours and watch crap TV and not worry about anything except 'what the hell good do the Kardashians do for anyone…??!'
That's a worry I can live with.
Love, Mrs D xxx