For the most part I cruise along in my life… in my nice little sober bubble.. being a busy wife and mother.. blogging.. meeting up with girlfriends.. folding endless piles of washing and emptying the dishwasher a million times a week.
And now my bubble has expanded massively (or popped?) and there are loads more people inside my life.. emailing and phoning and texting.. friends and new collaborators and media people and publicists.. and there's stuff going on. Lots of stuff.
And I'm like a 3-year-old lurching from one emotional state to another. I'm elated one minute, stressed the next, excited, offended, teary, nervous, happy, wound up, determined… you name it I've probably experienced every emotion under the sun in the past week - sometimes 5 just within one hour! - and it's only going to get more intense.
And there's still this part of me that feels like I shouldn't be doing all this emoting.. I should be smoothly sailing through my busy life with a zen smile on my face calmly interacting with all the people around me.
Not sitting in my car outside school crying on the phone to Mr D because I feel someone isn't treating me respectfully (I got over that by putting my onesie on at 3.20pm and eating chips and dip with my boys).
Then just this morning… five minutes ago no less.. I had these powerful thoughts come into my head. And so I want to use this blog to talk to myself here...
"Mrs D - This is sober living. This is practicing what you preach. This is how a busy sober person reacts to things. With real, strong emotions. Don't resist. Ride the waves! You can expand your sober bubble to let in more noise and interaction. You are robust. But most of all .. you are sober. You are not a miserable boozer any more.. numbing your feelings and avoiding authentic reactions. Be happy that you are experiencing all of this without wine clouding the way. Go with the flow.. no-one is judging you for how you handle yourself.. no-one is scoring you down every time your emotions peak. Feel away!!"
That makes me feel a little better. I'm still strapped in tightly to the emotional roller coaster of life… or clinging tightly to the bucking bull of emotion.. (choose your metaphor, they're both pretty crap)..lurching from one state to another.. but it's ok. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And now to lurch my emotional butt off this computer chair, go to do some housework and then get myself down to the dentist - it's all glamour here baby!
Love, Mrs D xxx