The lovely Paul asked me a question in his comment on my last post .. and then he said 'I know you don't answer comments…'
I never used to answer comments because I was busy writing my Masters thesis and was worried that if I answered all my comments I would spend too much time online in great conversations with all you lovelies in the sober sphere..
Then after the thesis was done I tried answering comments but they always appeared in a bright red box - gah! - which looked awful like I was YELLING MY ANSWER.. so I tried for ages to fix that problem and now it seems to be working. I know because I did a test answer to Paul on the last post and it's not red.. but then I checked it on my phone and it was red there - double gah!
It's just so frustrating .. I've got loads of time on my hands now and would so love to be able to have more discussions and conversations with you all.. and answer comments and ask my own questions and have more of a flow. It feels a bit disjointed that all I do is write a post and then some of you comment (and hundreds don't) and then I write another post .. get a few comments (which I LOVE).. write a post…and so on…
I feel like we're all missing out on the great potential for more discussion and support and warmth and togetherness.
Sigh.. if only I had a fancy new website which was far more about community, where we could all talk to each other all the time and have information and support and loveliness flowing around and around and around…. …… if only ….. …. ….
….. if only …..
….. if only ….
(do you think I'm making this hint about the future clear enough..?!)
I had coffee with a lovely girlfriend (a new friend AND newly sober - Hi K!) and I was saying to her that I was worried that sometimes I come across on this blog as if I float around on a sober cloud with a sober halo perched above my head.. that nothing ever bothers me and all is smooth sailing.
I know I don't write often nowadays about gritty stuff that goes on.. partly because lots of people I know in real life read this blog now, partly because I don't want to whine and moan too much, but mostly because I think I've gotten used now to the normal ebbs and flows of a sober life. When I was newly sober every mood felt like a major event and when I felt sad or grumpy I felt like I was failing.
Now I just take those moods when they come, live them, try and manage them and trust that they're going to go. I've been really testy lately.. snipping at Mr D.. grumping and grouching lots at the kids. My insomnia is back with all the brain noise about what's ahead for me .. I've been hormonal, moody, eating crap and generally feeling angsty. I'm trying to ride it out with grace and style but am not sure how well I'm achieving that.
Yesterday I made some decisions.. I'm going to go for a big walk every morning after dropping the kids off with NO PHONE.. and I'm going to keep a food diary to make sure I'm eating well and not scoffing bad shit because I'm on edge.
No wine though. I'm a wine-free zone.
Love, Mrs D xxx