Friday, June 6, 2014

A pimple on the backside of my life...

I think that's how she described it. Or was it a wart? I can't remember. It was two days ago and I'm exhausted.

We were in a bookshop filming sequences for the TV item they're doing on me ... sequences of my book going on shelves.. me signing some.. yadda yadda. The bookshop lady had a quick chat with me off camera at the end and said "so well done on the book.. are you feeling excited..?" and I was like "yeah.. I guess I am.. it's hard to separate the whole I-wrote-a-book joy from the whole I'm-opening-up-publically-about-my-drinking-problem nerves." She nodded wisely and then said "yeah.. because you're baring your wart (or pimple) to the world." Gulp.

Yes. Yes I am.

There's lots I could say about how intense and draining and fun and freeing and nervewracking and exciting and {insert adjective here} this filming process is. Three long days of me doing this, that and the other over and over. But I just want to talk about the most lovely moments.

Standing at the end of a peer with the wind whipping around me...fresh air in my face. Not sure what the cameraman was doing behind me but I just breathed long and deep and looked at the clouds. It was freaking awesome.

Standing at the kitchen sink pausing from washing dishes as the camera moved away to film something else.. pausing.. closing my eyes and pausing.. breathing...eyes closed... it was a peaceful, calm, lovely little moment...

Getting a break from filming for a couple of hours today when the crew went to interview someone else. Running a bubble bath and lying in it. Just lying in it. A bubble bath.

The longer I am sober the more I take those moments when I can and relish them. It makes a big difference.

But it's all going fine, the TV crew are lovely, and I'm trying to push aside any tricky emotions that I might be feeling and remember the reason I am doing all of this. I'm not doing it to bare my pimple (or wart) to the world. I'm doing it to show that it is possible to go from a place of utter boozy misery to a place of lovely, ordinary, happy sobriety.

It's not a wart (or pimple) it's a badge of honour. I used to be locked in an addiction and now I'm free. Look at that.

Love, Mrs D xxx

P.S. Are you inn AA or did you use to be? Take part in this study!! A wonderful, curious, dedicated sober woman is doing the research. Totally anonymous. All the info you need is here.


  1. Dear Mrs. D,
    It is indeed a badge of honor. Your lovely, ordinary, happy sobriety inspired mine - and changed my life for the better. Thank you for your honesty and your courage and for living the good life out loud. There were many 3ams before I finally quit when I read your website and found strength shining through to me, shining through the darkness and despair and misery of booze, evidence that it was possible to be happy and have fun without drinking and that it was possible to quit drinking without having to relinquish frolics and friends, and I know your book will give light and hope to many others in the same way. I am booze-free too now (coming up on 10 months!!), and it's the best feeling in the world. Thank you thank you thank you.
    xxx LN

  2. I'm so glad that you are taking breathing moments. And you can stay with me when you come to the states on your whirlwind international book tour. I have chocolate.

    I cannot tell you, well, yes- I guess I can! I'm telling you I LOVE ALL THIS! Being an out and proud sober woman is no easy task and you are brave and wonderful and amazing. Thank you so much for not hiding, but showing the world that a sober woman can be a smart, lovely, regular woman with some sparkle in her eye and a helluva lot to be thankful for.

    You are the bomb, dot com. :)

    1. No no!!! She's staying with me!!!!

      :-) I love our lovely warts. And I can't wait to see Mrs. D's!


  3. Good for you - finding peace and tranquility over dirty dishes. I'm not quite there yet. But after ten months of sobriety, and several months of steeling myself from EVERYTHING to steel myself from booze, I finally feel like I can appreciate that walk on the beach or that cozy evening with my daughter to life's small things and big things - SOBER. Warts and all.

  4. You are a better woman that I, that would wear me down quick. I'm glad you are mostly enjoying the journey :) Everyone has warts. I'm still covering mine with a bandaid.

  5. Hi! Will you post when your Mrs D. TV debut is screening - also your when and when you magazine things will appear? I don't want to miss them - you are an inspiration and very entertaining!

  6. Mrs D you are bravely leading from the front and words cannot express how much I admire you for that :) If your book tour comes to Blighty you are most welcome to rest your head here xx

  7. Everything Amy said, basically. Am having a not finding the words day. I hope you're at the head of an army, at the cusp of a a wave of lovely ordinary happy sober women. Visible sober women. Thanks for the blog :) Look forward to seeing the book! xx

  8. Wow, just wow. I also find just looking out my kitchen window at my bird feeder extraordinary these days. If you're coming to Chicago let me know, I'm a little outside the city and can offer some elderflower cordial and a place to crash. Email me if you like.

  9. Thanks for your inspirational writing. I wanted to send you this link to a recovery blog I am writing; it is a set of daily meditations based on inspirational movie quotes.

    Thanks for letting me be of service.

    Recovery on Film:

  10. I am very early in sobriety, day 2, and the coming out is the part that has kept me from moving forward. Even now that I've finally made the decision to stop (for maybe the 12th time, but who's counting), the thought of anyone knowing sends me into cold sweats. I finally fessed up to the Mr. buts that's as far as I'm comfortable going right now. I love that there is so much support in this sober blogging world even while remaining anonymous. What you are doing is so brave and is going to help so many people! Congrats!

    1. Hi... I'm in a similar situation...

      Over the past few years, I worked at an incredibly stressful, soul-sucking job and my drinking increased exponentially. I went from having a few beers on Friday nights to four drinks a night, easy, and at least 6-8 on the weekends. I would sneak drinks behind my wife's back. My weight ballooned and my health suffered. I tried to cut back but I couldn't or wouldn't - it was one of the few things that brought guaranteed stress relief.

      Before the job, I was a normal drinker, and now I've quit the job and I'm going to become a normal drinker again, on my own. I just had to tell *someone* because it feels great to say it "out loud."

  11. iv,e only recently realized that im an alcoholic, I started to go to aa just to see what it was all about. I was amazed that in each and every story I heard from the people there, I could relate to some particular part of their story, I then realized that I no longer had to be in this horrible world of drinking and that there,s others in the same position. ive been sober for just over one month and loving the new sober life. I can actually feal my emotions now.

  12. Dear Lotta,
    I just watched you on "Sunday" tonight and want you to know that I can relate to almost everything you said. Thank you for being so brave and inspiring - and Corin too. It may be that your "coming out" and so bravely baring your soul on national television tonight will be the catalyst that so many people - living in their own private boozy hell - need to take the plunge towards sobriety and not look back.
    Please keep bloggingxx

  13. I needed to see you on Sunday tonight .....I have been sober for 10 years and am thinking about drinking again .......very scary it seems the further I get away from drinking the closer I get .....I identified with your story except mine was much worse I too am a professional person and have so much to Lose addiction is a terrible disease to have ......I will
    Follow your blog it's what I need right now thanks so much for sharing so honestly and what a wonderful husband you have unfortunatly mine didn't love me enough to support me through my drinking problems

  14. I know its not the same but going to read your story and use it to help me with my eating addiction I know i cant give up all food but i certainly want to give it a go and I could really relate Thanks

  15. Dear Lotta,
    I saw you on Sunday and could totally understand that to find solution to some battles you need to fight alone. I don't have drinking issues but 2 years ago my life turned upside down to numb the pain I started blogging anonymously on sites where I felt i could share what had happened to me with people having same problems and it stayed a secret, I felt connected and some healing. but i than started to have a glass of vine and it hasn't stopped, my glass is almost full and i just drink in one go like water that floppiness makes me feel good... the other nite i didn't stop and almost finished a bottle and cried to death, it felt good to cry but wasn't a good sight when i went to work.
    I just want to say that you are very brave and strong to go through this journey of discovering your strength and turning your life around. Please keep reaching out to people who think "Am i the only one?" thanks

  16. Thankyou, Lotta. You are a true inspiration. I have a son who is an alcoholic, he has tried several times to stop drinking to no avail. Right now, he has been in prison for 18mths, he commited a crime under the influence of alcohol, and I can only hope when he has finished his sentence, that he will be strong enough to resist ever drinking again. I, for one, will purchase your book, in the hope it will help him overcome his addiction. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Best wishes to you and your family.

  17. I'm coming up to two months, funny how I've been counting down the days , like you do to christmas or a birthday, I have been reading your blogs tonight after having seen your brave beautiful face on Sunday. I will hold close your mental reminders of how good it feels to go to bed sober and wake up with a clear head. I still need to remind myself. That sly little fox still points out all the bottle shops on my route home from work and tries to convince me I need to stop for a necessary grocery item when I know that would result in me purchasing a bottle of red or perhaps two, so I've rereouted myself now and I go without milk even if I do need it because it's not worth the guilt and regrets. Thank you for being so brave. Stay strong little kiwi, kia kaha. Your not alone. x