Packing the suitcases to go away for an extended family get-together over Easter.
Three years ago I wrote myself off so badly on the first night I started spinning out at the dinner table and could barely make it to our bedroom (where the kids were asleep). It was a shocker. I spent the rest of the holiday beating myself up about it, feeling terribly dysfunctional but still drinking of course. It was probably around that time that I was starting to work towards full admission (to myself) of my drinking and educating myself, building towards giving up.
Two years ago I was still drinking and remember trying very very hard all weekend to moderate, and managing it, but it took a lot of effort. I was proud of myself though, that I hadn't replicated the bender from the year before. Still had hangovers, but milder ones.
One year ago I was newly sober. Bright, shiny new sober me. I'd lost quite a lot of weight, put a lot of thought into what clothes to pack and made sure I had my nails painted before hand. I felt great and looked great. It was a wonderful holiday and I was so happy to be sober and so happy to wake up every morning hangover free. I did feel like my sobriety was a bit of a gorilla suit though. Strange and obvious.
So this year it's my second sober Easter with the family and although I do still feel like my sobriety is a bit of a gorilla suit I'm a lot calmer about where I'm at. I'm still delighted to be heading away without having to worry or plan or be careful. I still can't wait to wake up every morning with no hangover. I trust in the knowledge that I'm not actually missing out on anything by not drinking - the big communal dinners are just as fun and lovely without me downing wines (and certainly without the spinning out of 3 years ago).
Been getting a few comments about the juicing. Me an expert juicer - ha! I still can't believe I'm doing all this healthy stuff but I suppose it's the way a lot of us go as we get older and enter the second half of our lives. Thinking about what we're putting in our bodies etc.
Anyway the main juice recipe I've been making I got from our local paper - it's a basic green juice. 4 kale leaves, 1/2 cucumber, 2-3 celery sticks, 1-2 apples, 1/2 lemon and 1cm piece of ginger. You have to trim the skin off the lemon and ginger but not the apple or cucumber (if it's an edible skin). The kale comes out dark green but all the other stuff gives it a yum flavour. Easy to drink, honestly.
I also borrowed a book from a friend called "Raw Juices Can Save Your Life!" by Dr Sandra Cabot. She's a total fanatic and gives recipes for special juices for depression, headaches, insomnia etc, plus just tasty pick-me ups. Also isn't Jason Vale the big juice guru? He does call himself the Juice Master so I guess he is..! He's got recipes on his website here.
My machine is a compact one and there is a lot of waste left over. Maybe the big grunty machines do a better job. Get juicing people! Yesterday I had just orange juice with ginger. Definitely makes you feel good.
Righto, off on holiday. Happy Easter everyone!!
Love, Mrs D xxx
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Sober wedding # 7...
I think a sober event is going to stand on it's own merits, with no booze to buoy things (my brain) along. It's that peculiar convergence of factors - the location, the crowd, the vibe, my state of mind - that makes a sober event what it is.
I used to be very addicted to wine and consumed it regularly and heavily all the time. Weddings were always cause for heavier drinking. Stressful Mondays were cause for rapidly consumed glasses of red wine after 5pm. Low/flat/boring phases were filled with wine. Elated moments were accentuated with wine. Friday and Saturday nights were filled with more wine than usual just because they were Friday and Saturday night.
Wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, all the time. And now there's none. I was nervous about this past wedding and the whole not-drinking thing. Not sure why, but I was. I was nervous, and I felt a bit low key throughout, but never once did I actually consider having any alcohol. I never for a moment entertained the notion that that could happen. Not drinking is an absolute certainty.
Love, Mrs D xxx
I used to be very addicted to wine and consumed it regularly and heavily all the time. Weddings were always cause for heavier drinking. Stressful Mondays were cause for rapidly consumed glasses of red wine after 5pm. Low/flat/boring phases were filled with wine. Elated moments were accentuated with wine. Friday and Saturday nights were filled with more wine than usual just because they were Friday and Saturday night.
Wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, wine, all the time. And now there's none. I was nervous about this past wedding and the whole not-drinking thing. Not sure why, but I was. I was nervous, and I felt a bit low key throughout, but never once did I actually consider having any alcohol. I never for a moment entertained the notion that that could happen. Not drinking is an absolute certainty.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The real juice
Just a quickie: OMG I LOVE MY JUICER!!!! Sorry about yelling there but honestly there is nothing more satisfying than stuffing a whole lot of green veges and yummy fruits and clumps of ginger into a machine that whuurrrs away noisily and creates glasses of liquid gold. Just the act of making and drinking the juice makes me feel better about myself! And Mr D is even giving them a go. I just got a small 'compact' machine so I didn't have to fork out the big bucks but I am so enjoying it. It really makes me feel like I am looking after myself, especially if the juice is dark green (you know they say the dark green vege hold all the goodness).
It may be just a hippy fad but I'm going with it for now. And this weekend we are off to yet another wedding, the SEVENTH since I got sober. And this one is with a particularly boozy crowd. So we'll see how that goes.
Love, Mrs D xxx
It may be just a hippy fad but I'm going with it for now. And this weekend we are off to yet another wedding, the SEVENTH since I got sober. And this one is with a particularly boozy crowd. So we'll see how that goes.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Monday, March 18, 2013
Mood enhancers...
I remember one day before I gave up booze sending my out-of-town sister an email in which I wrote in very witty style (I thought) all that I had achieved in the day. I was buzzing from a really crazy busy day - and obviously wanted to share/gloat about what I'd been doing... running around after kids, in and out of school and kindy, appointments, gym, supermarket, making beds for guests yadda yadda yadda. I remember being very proud of what I'd achieved and how well I was managing such a busy life.
'Oh look at fabulous busy me' (was the subtext of the email).. 'how craaazy is my life!!!' My gorgeous sister responded with an appropriate 'Wow! What a day! You're amazing!' - type email, and I felt very proud of myself.
I neglected to mention the bottle and a half of wine that I had managed to fit in (glug) during the latter part of the day (starting at 5pm ON THE DOT of course). Something made me leave that detail out. But sure enough, as was my want, I had managed to fit in some enthusiastic wine drinking on top of everything else.
It's amazing how I managed to run around achieving everything a busy housewife/mother/part-time-worker needs to achieve AND drink wine steadily and heavily throughout the week. How great is the boozy housewife's capacity to add extra pressure to an already busy life? You get that numbing sensation, sure. But also the hangovers and sick guts and mental guilt and anguish. Why do we punish ourselves so?
So here I am now, still a busy housewife and mother although the part-time-work isn't around any more and my MA thesis is delivered so the studies are over. And of course I'm sober.
I've still got a bit of work to do in learning how to deal with gritty emotional states without reaching for something. Lately it's been crap food and sugar. I've got to step up the other things that make me feel good. Exercise is a MAJOR mood enhancer for me and even though it doesn't come easy I really have to make sure I keep doing it regularly.
Other cliched things like burning lovely oils to make the house smell nice. And I've just bought a juicer! That is a big cliche right there but I want to try making those green juices that everyone is raving about.. full of goodness and fills you up nicely.
Also just remember to lift my eyes and look to the horizon - look out of my immediate surroundings to lift my mood. Look for beautiful things. And music - music definitely makes me feel better.
Love, Mrs D xxx
'Oh look at fabulous busy me' (was the subtext of the email).. 'how craaazy is my life!!!' My gorgeous sister responded with an appropriate 'Wow! What a day! You're amazing!' - type email, and I felt very proud of myself.
I neglected to mention the bottle and a half of wine that I had managed to fit in (glug) during the latter part of the day (starting at 5pm ON THE DOT of course). Something made me leave that detail out. But sure enough, as was my want, I had managed to fit in some enthusiastic wine drinking on top of everything else.
It's amazing how I managed to run around achieving everything a busy housewife/mother/part-time-worker needs to achieve AND drink wine steadily and heavily throughout the week. How great is the boozy housewife's capacity to add extra pressure to an already busy life? You get that numbing sensation, sure. But also the hangovers and sick guts and mental guilt and anguish. Why do we punish ourselves so?
So here I am now, still a busy housewife and mother although the part-time-work isn't around any more and my MA thesis is delivered so the studies are over. And of course I'm sober.
I've still got a bit of work to do in learning how to deal with gritty emotional states without reaching for something. Lately it's been crap food and sugar. I've got to step up the other things that make me feel good. Exercise is a MAJOR mood enhancer for me and even though it doesn't come easy I really have to make sure I keep doing it regularly.
Other cliched things like burning lovely oils to make the house smell nice. And I've just bought a juicer! That is a big cliche right there but I want to try making those green juices that everyone is raving about.. full of goodness and fills you up nicely.
Also just remember to lift my eyes and look to the horizon - look out of my immediate surroundings to lift my mood. Look for beautiful things. And music - music definitely makes me feel better.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Thursday, March 14, 2013
What's changed?
Just took a look and discovered I am 555 days sober today - woo hoo! 555 days of freedom.
Sober day number 555 for me involves having a sick 6-year-old home from school watching Apollo 13 from the sofa, a 3-year-old obsessing over a book about ghosts and running around the house playing 'armies', cleaning the bathroom, mopping the kitchen floor, looking at blogs and twitter and generally just mooching around being a mother and housewife.
I've been thinking about what is different in my life now I live without alcohol.
In some ways there are major differences. I have removed guilt and hangovers and bad sleep and sick guts and wasted money and overflowing recycling bins and sloppy behavior.
On the flipside I have gained self respect, pride, sometimes an itchy boredom, most of the time a sense of calm, a fabulous new online community and cheekbones.
But in many ways, and this is the interesting thing, a lot of things in my life haven't changed. I still wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, run around, eat some more, get undressed and go to sleep. I still manage friendships and relationships and deal with other people's wants and needs. I still pay bills and answer emails, fill the car with petrol and change lightbulbs.
I still wish I was a more stylish dresser, worry that I'll never learn how to blow-dry my hair straight and regret not painting my nails or plucking my eyebrows more often.
I still plan meals in advance and shop once a week. I still watch lots of Reality TV and keep up with news and current events. I still sing in the shower and make a horrible growling noise when I get an 'itchy inner ear' (and Mr D still says that's my worst habit).
I still get highs and lows and laugh and cry, get grumpy, angry, stressed, delighted and relieved, although there is no denying those emotional states are more pronounced now that I have removed my great leveler, wine.
I used to look at sober people and want to ask 'what's it like? what's it like not ever drinking?' And now I can see how that is such a difficult question to answer. On the one hand it's monumental, a hugely life changing, revelatory move to make, to remove booze. On the other hand it's just another decision made, change implemented, choice taken. Fuck me I'm pleased I did that 555 days ago.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Sober day number 555 for me involves having a sick 6-year-old home from school watching Apollo 13 from the sofa, a 3-year-old obsessing over a book about ghosts and running around the house playing 'armies', cleaning the bathroom, mopping the kitchen floor, looking at blogs and twitter and generally just mooching around being a mother and housewife.
I've been thinking about what is different in my life now I live without alcohol.
In some ways there are major differences. I have removed guilt and hangovers and bad sleep and sick guts and wasted money and overflowing recycling bins and sloppy behavior.
On the flipside I have gained self respect, pride, sometimes an itchy boredom, most of the time a sense of calm, a fabulous new online community and cheekbones.
But in many ways, and this is the interesting thing, a lot of things in my life haven't changed. I still wake up, shower, get dressed, eat, run around, eat some more, get undressed and go to sleep. I still manage friendships and relationships and deal with other people's wants and needs. I still pay bills and answer emails, fill the car with petrol and change lightbulbs.
I still wish I was a more stylish dresser, worry that I'll never learn how to blow-dry my hair straight and regret not painting my nails or plucking my eyebrows more often.
I still plan meals in advance and shop once a week. I still watch lots of Reality TV and keep up with news and current events. I still sing in the shower and make a horrible growling noise when I get an 'itchy inner ear' (and Mr D still says that's my worst habit).
I still get highs and lows and laugh and cry, get grumpy, angry, stressed, delighted and relieved, although there is no denying those emotional states are more pronounced now that I have removed my great leveler, wine.
I used to look at sober people and want to ask 'what's it like? what's it like not ever drinking?' And now I can see how that is such a difficult question to answer. On the one hand it's monumental, a hugely life changing, revelatory move to make, to remove booze. On the other hand it's just another decision made, change implemented, choice taken. Fuck me I'm pleased I did that 555 days ago.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Another sober Saturday night...
Mr D is away overnight for work yet again so once more I am faced with a sober evening home alone on the sofa. By 7.45pm the kids should be down and the kitchen tidy so I can relax.
In a past life I'd start drinking at 5pm ON THE DOT and have a good bottle in me by 7pm, performing my usual masterful technique of housewifeing and mothering while filling up with vino. Multi-tasking to the max! I was really good at that .. really really good at it.
Well there was that one time my glass got knocked over by one of the kids and red wine went splattering across the white wall and I kind of lost it in anger because that was the last booze in the house.
Oh and there was that other time I was holding my eldest and kind of stumbled a bit and fell and dropped him (semi on the sofa but also kind of on the floor). My in-laws were there for that one and everyone laughed. Maybe they all didn't realise I'd been drinking more than the rest of them.
ANYHOO enough of that dwelling on my sloppy drinking past - on to the future! The now! Yes the now... another sober Saturday night alone on my sofa with nothing to celebrate or reward myself with.
American Idol? Fine except Nicki Minaj annoys the bejingos out of me (I made that word up).
Chocolate? Trying to cure my sugar addiction so no. No no no.
Chips and dip? Too gross and unhealthy.
Mug of green tea? Yep might as well have one of those.
Bubble bath? Got no bubbles but do have some essential oil, lavender and something. So yes, a bath would be nice.
Paint my nails? Could do.
Read a book? Yes I have a new one to start so could do that.
Sigh.
Ok. Or how about this?
How about I realise life isn't about rewards and celebrations. How about I sit in a lovely clean house with my beautiful boys asleep and breath deep and slow and thank my lucky stars that I have what I have.
How about I realise that calm contentment, although sometimes masking itself as boredom and monotony, is absolutely the best gift life has to give me.
How about I realise numbing myself out with wine when I'm sitting alone on that sofa, which is what I always used to do, is really sad loser behaviour and I am extremely lucky that I am not that sad loser any more.
How about I sit at the computer with headphones on and blast my eardrums out with lovely pop songs that will fill me with happy endorphins? Cheesier the better!
There's a plan. 7.45pm - bath. 8pm - songs. 8.20pm Green tea and American Idol plus the laptop so I can catch up on other lovely blogs. 10pm climb into bed.
Sober Saturday night sorted.
Love, Mrs D xxx
In a past life I'd start drinking at 5pm ON THE DOT and have a good bottle in me by 7pm, performing my usual masterful technique of housewifeing and mothering while filling up with vino. Multi-tasking to the max! I was really good at that .. really really good at it.
Well there was that one time my glass got knocked over by one of the kids and red wine went splattering across the white wall and I kind of lost it in anger because that was the last booze in the house.
Oh and there was that other time I was holding my eldest and kind of stumbled a bit and fell and dropped him (semi on the sofa but also kind of on the floor). My in-laws were there for that one and everyone laughed. Maybe they all didn't realise I'd been drinking more than the rest of them.
ANYHOO enough of that dwelling on my sloppy drinking past - on to the future! The now! Yes the now... another sober Saturday night alone on my sofa with nothing to celebrate or reward myself with.
American Idol? Fine except Nicki Minaj annoys the bejingos out of me (I made that word up).
Chocolate? Trying to cure my sugar addiction so no. No no no.
Chips and dip? Too gross and unhealthy.
Mug of green tea? Yep might as well have one of those.
Bubble bath? Got no bubbles but do have some essential oil, lavender and something. So yes, a bath would be nice.
Paint my nails? Could do.
Read a book? Yes I have a new one to start so could do that.
Sigh.
Ok. Or how about this?
How about I realise life isn't about rewards and celebrations. How about I sit in a lovely clean house with my beautiful boys asleep and breath deep and slow and thank my lucky stars that I have what I have.
How about I realise that calm contentment, although sometimes masking itself as boredom and monotony, is absolutely the best gift life has to give me.
How about I realise numbing myself out with wine when I'm sitting alone on that sofa, which is what I always used to do, is really sad loser behaviour and I am extremely lucky that I am not that sad loser any more.
How about I sit at the computer with headphones on and blast my eardrums out with lovely pop songs that will fill me with happy endorphins? Cheesier the better!
There's a plan. 7.45pm - bath. 8pm - songs. 8.20pm Green tea and American Idol plus the laptop so I can catch up on other lovely blogs. 10pm climb into bed.
Sober Saturday night sorted.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Recover to Live
Sitting here with a mug of green tea. My body is aching from having been to the gym three times this week - three! A marathon effort given I had 10 weeks off exercising while I crunched to finish my thesis.
I just have to let it go now and try to relax. Have been told it will take 3 months for me to get grade back so I do just have to let. it. go. Somehow. Let it go and figure out what to do next.
Maybe my next task should be write a book about my journey in sobriety. What shall I call it? "Confessions of a Boozy Housewife"? Or maybe "How blogging saved my liver"? Or what about "What, me alcoholic?" Ha ha!! But seriously I am going to need to think of a new plan eventually.
In the meantime I've been cooking up a storm and I have a huge pile of novels next to my bed and am also dipping in and out of the brilliant recovery book Belle's been talking recently. Recover to Live. It is bloody marvellous resource and exactly what I was looking for when I first got sober and was frantically looking around for books and information to educate myself about alcohol addiction.
I did find a few books that really helped me along and also found some useful information off the tele (!) from the likes of Dr Drew and Oprah (!!). When I think back now about what I didn't know when I first decided to remove alcohol from my life it's astounding. I honestly thought I was simply an aging party girl whose drinking habit was getting a little out of control and I just had to learn how to not drink alcohol and everything else would continue on as normal. I didn't realise my steady heavy drinking was actually all about how I'd been choosing to deal with emotions all my adult life and what I would really be learning in sobriety was how to deal with shit raw. (That's a technical term - 'how to deal with shit raw'. Not.)
What I mean is I had to learn, and am still learning, how to sit with uncomfortable feelings, or go through hard (sad, angry, stressful) times without reaching for an 'out' or numbing away the pain.
When I look back over the past year and a half it is bloody amazing what I have discovered and I am sooooooo grateful to myself making the decision to remove alcohol and sticking to it. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but where I am today.
Anyway this book by Christopher Kennedy Lawford is a massive tome bursting at the seams with loads of information from so many clever, educated and knowledgeable recovery experts. If you have a question about anything to do with addiction the answer will be here. It's great. And I really like that it calls itself a 'self-treatment guide'. Self treatment is all I've done so far.
Actually that's a big fat lie. Self treatment and the undisputed, undeniable, unbelievable support of a community of online bloggers and readers. Kudos to you lot too.
Love, Mrs D xxx
I just have to let it go now and try to relax. Have been told it will take 3 months for me to get grade back so I do just have to let. it. go. Somehow. Let it go and figure out what to do next.
Maybe my next task should be write a book about my journey in sobriety. What shall I call it? "Confessions of a Boozy Housewife"? Or maybe "How blogging saved my liver"? Or what about "What, me alcoholic?" Ha ha!! But seriously I am going to need to think of a new plan eventually.
In the meantime I've been cooking up a storm and I have a huge pile of novels next to my bed and am also dipping in and out of the brilliant recovery book Belle's been talking recently. Recover to Live. It is bloody marvellous resource and exactly what I was looking for when I first got sober and was frantically looking around for books and information to educate myself about alcohol addiction.
I did find a few books that really helped me along and also found some useful information off the tele (!) from the likes of Dr Drew and Oprah (!!). When I think back now about what I didn't know when I first decided to remove alcohol from my life it's astounding. I honestly thought I was simply an aging party girl whose drinking habit was getting a little out of control and I just had to learn how to not drink alcohol and everything else would continue on as normal. I didn't realise my steady heavy drinking was actually all about how I'd been choosing to deal with emotions all my adult life and what I would really be learning in sobriety was how to deal with shit raw. (That's a technical term - 'how to deal with shit raw'. Not.)
What I mean is I had to learn, and am still learning, how to sit with uncomfortable feelings, or go through hard (sad, angry, stressful) times without reaching for an 'out' or numbing away the pain.
When I look back over the past year and a half it is bloody amazing what I have discovered and I am sooooooo grateful to myself making the decision to remove alcohol and sticking to it. I wouldn't want to be anywhere but where I am today.
Anyway this book by Christopher Kennedy Lawford is a massive tome bursting at the seams with loads of information from so many clever, educated and knowledgeable recovery experts. If you have a question about anything to do with addiction the answer will be here. It's great. And I really like that it calls itself a 'self-treatment guide'. Self treatment is all I've done so far.
Actually that's a big fat lie. Self treatment and the undisputed, undeniable, unbelievable support of a community of online bloggers and readers. Kudos to you lot too.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Flashdance......
Had the best dance I have had in years at the wedding on Friday night!!!!!!!!!!!!! Must have danced for two hours! The music was just totally awesome and the conditions were just right for an extended boogie. Lovely vibe, great tunes, nice low lighting, dance floor away from the main room so not lots of people sitting around watching us dance, big crowd cutting it up and not caring how they looked.
It was mostly old hits, lots of 80's favourites (hence the post title), lots of hands in the air and bouncing around. I got so hot and puffed I kept having to move to the side for a breather and then another great song would start up and my feet would lead me back out. The DJ even played 'Call Me Al' for goodness sake and we were all singing along word for word "A man walks down the street and says why am I short of attention......" and so on.
It was fab. At one point I honestly got hit with an overwhelming feeling of pure joy and endorphins, I was bouncing on both feet with my hands in the air shouting to myself 'no more thesis - yay!!!!!!!!!!'. What a perfect way to celebrate.
Didn't care that I wasn't drinking bubbles with everyone else straight after the ceremony. They had lovely big jugs of elderflower cordial mixed with soda water with cut fresh lemon and ice cubes so I had a couple of those in a flute. Lovely. Then with the meal I had actually smuggled in a Red Bull but then the groom came up to me and said 'They've got your Red Bull behind the bar!". So nice of him to remember and I'd forgotten I'd mentioned it to him!
I had another Red Bull mid-dance when I was hot and sweaty. That second one might have been a mistake as I didn't sleep that well and had a headache the next day but that could have just been tiredness after the big fun night.
Almost forgot that other people were sinking alcohol and I wasn't.. it seemed completely irrelevant. I was reminded after dinner when I noticed some people blinking a little more slowly and talking with tongues that had gotten a little thicker. Right at the end there were a few loose units, but nothing too dramatic and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. The opposite almost, just so happy to have discovered that I don't need lots of wine to have fun at a wedding.
Drove home. HOW I LOVE DRIVING HOME!! Makeup off, night cream on, brush teeth, bed. Booze, who needs it?
Love, Mrs D xxx
It was mostly old hits, lots of 80's favourites (hence the post title), lots of hands in the air and bouncing around. I got so hot and puffed I kept having to move to the side for a breather and then another great song would start up and my feet would lead me back out. The DJ even played 'Call Me Al' for goodness sake and we were all singing along word for word "A man walks down the street and says why am I short of attention......" and so on.
It was fab. At one point I honestly got hit with an overwhelming feeling of pure joy and endorphins, I was bouncing on both feet with my hands in the air shouting to myself 'no more thesis - yay!!!!!!!!!!'. What a perfect way to celebrate.
Didn't care that I wasn't drinking bubbles with everyone else straight after the ceremony. They had lovely big jugs of elderflower cordial mixed with soda water with cut fresh lemon and ice cubes so I had a couple of those in a flute. Lovely. Then with the meal I had actually smuggled in a Red Bull but then the groom came up to me and said 'They've got your Red Bull behind the bar!". So nice of him to remember and I'd forgotten I'd mentioned it to him!
I had another Red Bull mid-dance when I was hot and sweaty. That second one might have been a mistake as I didn't sleep that well and had a headache the next day but that could have just been tiredness after the big fun night.
Almost forgot that other people were sinking alcohol and I wasn't.. it seemed completely irrelevant. I was reminded after dinner when I noticed some people blinking a little more slowly and talking with tongues that had gotten a little thicker. Right at the end there were a few loose units, but nothing too dramatic and I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything. The opposite almost, just so happy to have discovered that I don't need lots of wine to have fun at a wedding.
Drove home. HOW I LOVE DRIVING HOME!! Makeup off, night cream on, brush teeth, bed. Booze, who needs it?
Love, Mrs D xxx
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Happy, happy, happy!!
Yes! It finally came - my high from being free from the thesis!! Yes! I've still got to pick it up from the binders in a day or two and courier it to the University to be marked but it is gone from my computer. No more editing! No more writing! No more angst! Done!!
And yes, I do feel great! Happy and free! So so so so so pleased to have it out of my head (mostly).
Today I made pumpkin and parsnip soup (with ginger and coconut milk) and a delicious spicy apple cake.
I took my Little Guy out this morning and we just hung out at the museum and it just felt different. I felt relaxed.
Went to the library while he was at kindy and got myself some big fat novels! Thanks for the recommendations everyone. Got a Sheila O'Flanagan, a Nicole Krauss and "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand".
Have just done a fashion show for Mr D and finalised my outfit for Wedding No. 3 on Friday night. We are traveling on a plane to get to this wedding and will be child free for 24 hours - fun! Can't decide whether to sneak a Red Bull into my handbag for the dinner. I've figured out that one energy drink gives me a good lift to see me through the night (this is wedding no. 3 of the summer but my 6th wedding since being sober so I'm getting good at it now). Then again I could just have whatever non-alcoholic drinks they are offering and grab a coffee as soon as the hot drinks come out.
I can't wait - it's going to be a super fun wedding with some old friends there, some new friends and some family. Weddings are great I reckon. Everyone gets glammed up and has a fun energy about them. Can't wait.
Love, Mrs D xxx
And yes, I do feel great! Happy and free! So so so so so pleased to have it out of my head (mostly).
Today I made pumpkin and parsnip soup (with ginger and coconut milk) and a delicious spicy apple cake.
I took my Little Guy out this morning and we just hung out at the museum and it just felt different. I felt relaxed.
Went to the library while he was at kindy and got myself some big fat novels! Thanks for the recommendations everyone. Got a Sheila O'Flanagan, a Nicole Krauss and "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand".
Have just done a fashion show for Mr D and finalised my outfit for Wedding No. 3 on Friday night. We are traveling on a plane to get to this wedding and will be child free for 24 hours - fun! Can't decide whether to sneak a Red Bull into my handbag for the dinner. I've figured out that one energy drink gives me a good lift to see me through the night (this is wedding no. 3 of the summer but my 6th wedding since being sober so I'm getting good at it now). Then again I could just have whatever non-alcoholic drinks they are offering and grab a coffee as soon as the hot drinks come out.
I can't wait - it's going to be a super fun wedding with some old friends there, some new friends and some family. Weddings are great I reckon. Everyone gets glammed up and has a fun energy about them. Can't wait.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Friday, February 15, 2013
The beast within...
I had a very intense pang the other night. I had my head in the pantry looking for inspiration for what to cook for dinner and there was a bottle of red wine - Mr D's - sitting at the back, just sitting there all innocent (inviting) and I suddenly got hit with this really strong thought: 'I could just take a sip right here with my head inside this cupboard, take a sip and no-one would ever know'. I was so tempted almost to the point of extending my arm and picking it up to do it. It was intense. Like I was seriously tempted. I was tucked away inside the pantry and the kitchen was empty and it all just seemed so easy.
The Beast is Still Within. But I walked away. Fuck the Beast.
Mr D's wine glasses have been winking at me for the past few days. It's emotional. It's all emotional.
Probably no surprise then that I've had some bad sugar binges, I don't think eating Nestle White Choc Bites straight from the packet like I have been for the past half hour is best practice.
I'm just right at the end now of my MA (boring boring to be still going on about this but what can I do? It's a bloody intense process and it's impossible to minimise) and there are a million emotions swirling around - I feel flat, proud, happy, fucking exhausted, bit lost, all mixed in to one, and my self-care has been suffering over the last two months of putting this baby to bed.
I think it'll be really good after next week when it is finally printed and bound and couriered off to the University and I return all my library books and tidy away all my notes and move on.
Moving on entails...
* Getting back to the gym.
* Trying lots of new recipes.
* Relaxing.
* Watching crap TV.
* Tidy up the garden.
* Read lovely novels about love and life and NOT academic texts...
Anyone got any good novel recommendations?
Love, Mrs D xxx
The Beast is Still Within. But I walked away. Fuck the Beast.
Mr D's wine glasses have been winking at me for the past few days. It's emotional. It's all emotional.
Probably no surprise then that I've had some bad sugar binges, I don't think eating Nestle White Choc Bites straight from the packet like I have been for the past half hour is best practice.
I'm just right at the end now of my MA (boring boring to be still going on about this but what can I do? It's a bloody intense process and it's impossible to minimise) and there are a million emotions swirling around - I feel flat, proud, happy, fucking exhausted, bit lost, all mixed in to one, and my self-care has been suffering over the last two months of putting this baby to bed.
I think it'll be really good after next week when it is finally printed and bound and couriered off to the University and I return all my library books and tidy away all my notes and move on.
Moving on entails...
* Getting back to the gym.
* Trying lots of new recipes.
* Relaxing.
* Watching crap TV.
* Tidy up the garden.
* Read lovely novels about love and life and NOT academic texts...
Anyone got any good novel recommendations?
Love, Mrs D xxx
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