Sigh, so here we go again. Up and down, up and down. Yesterday afternoon I found myself getting grouchy and tired feeling. Wondering what was wrong. Wondering if I was low in iron. Wondering if I was hormonal. Realising it was probably just a normal 'tired' and 'low' mood hightened by the fact there was no escaping with a nice glass (or 10) of wine.
Didn't help that Mr D had a beer. Then a white wine. Then a red wine. Then anotherbloodyfucking red wine. Sorry. But his glasses kept confronting me. There it was on the bench. There it was beside the computer. Sigh.
Woe is me.
So I tried to just feel the mood. Have it there. Let it pass. I got into bed at 7.09pm! With the tele on and my new lovely white cotton nightie and a couple of little boys to read books with me.
Anyway now it's Friday and I feel the day stretching ahead of me. And the evening (Mr D is going out). So I'm going to think of some treaty things to look foward to. Coping mechanisms.
1) Remind myself all day how AMAZING and STRONG and ADMIRABLE I am for giving up the drink (through gritted teeth).
2) Go shopping for some treaty supplies for the pantry. Crystalised ginger, quinoa (I want to try it), fresh basil.
3) Wear a dress with a belt. Don't over-eat.
4) Clean enough to feel good about the house.
5) Do a little transcribing to feel good about my studies.
6) Watch a little day-time tele.
7) Start making lists for Christmas. Look online for some decorations - that's a good idea!!
8) Get down on the floor and play with my sons. Look at their faces and remember that this is their childhood and you are doing the absolutely best thing to make it the best it can be.
9) Look in the mirror and say to yourself 'Mrs D, you are doing it. You are good and you are kind.'
10) Lie sober head on the pillow at the end of the night and sleep well.
Happy Friday everyone.
Love, Mrs D xxx
I had a huge swirl of anxiety and random emotions when I cut down my drinking . Off the hook and worse than pregnancy emotions or the like . My body must've needed to adjust but I was an irritable moo for a couple of months .
ReplyDeleteI did find playing games with or reading to my daughter helped as knowing I'd done something to make her happy made me feel better than stewing in it
Oh and the quinoa ... Three words .... Tastes like crap ! X
OMG! You and I are living parallel lives. I just wrote practically the same blog but I wasn't nearly as nice and grown-up as you are being about it. I'm going to have to employ some of your suggestions. But I won't be wearing a dress with a friggin' belt, I just ate two bowls of M&M's to make myself feel better. I'm worried about being able to wear an airplane seatbelt in a couple of weeks. lol I feel better now.
ReplyDeleteOh, you're doing great! What a fantastic list. I love the "clean" feeling of going to bed without drinking. It's such a luxury, isn't it? However it's a tough one re: DH drinking at home. Could you ask him to keep the house wine free, at least for the short term? I realize this might be hard - I wanted everyone to think that drinking was something I just casually gave up, no sweat! (much the way I used to try and manage everyone's perceptions when I WAS drinking!! hmm). Meanwhile I was crawling out of my skin when DH would pop a cork. It's just not really fair when you're trying so hard and feeling vulnerable to have it in your face like that, and your husband may not even realize that (mine didn't!). Might need to let on that it's a bit of a struggle. From what you've shared he sounds like a reasonable and loving husband. As a compromise DH now has a beer or two (normies!) most nights, which bothers me on a whole other level at times, but does not pose the immediate threat to my sobriety that the wine does. FYI the couple of times I've relapsed has been after we've had friends to dinner, happily didn't drink the evening of, and found myself guzzling the leftover wine a couple of nights later like a freak after it had been TORMENTING me for three days from the shelf/fridge.....we now pour it out or hubby polishes it off immediately. Keep it out of the house if you're feeling vulnerable is what I'm trying to say here!! Hang in there, keep posting! We will figure out a comfortable way to live amongst the drinkers, I'm still finding my way too. I check your blog all the time to see what you have to say! C. from London
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday! I actually really love quinoa - I mix it with black beans and a bunch of spices after it's cooked. Black quinoa is awesome. There are some great vegan websites that you can google and get recipes from. That's what I started doing again - cooking really awesome stuff! My butt doesn't thank me, but I think the rest of me does. And my hubby is one of those who can open a bottle of beer and then forget about it! Oh, the horror! (i've been known to drink them later)
ReplyDeleteHey Jeanne I've tried to comment on your blog but can't, can you open up the comments to include the name/URL people? I don't have AIM or wordpress or any of those other accounts ...xxx
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