.. welcome back. How I've missed you (not). So I've been in la-la land for the past year or 2 with only child minding and housewife duties to contend with, along with a few minor bits of pressure in getting my MA topic approved, proposal written and data collected. All very manageable. Oh, and that bit of emotional energy I've been putting into removing booze from my life..! Yeah that.
The past six months especially since I removed my beloved wine I've been sleeping the blissful sleep of the .. of the .. sleeping the blissful sleep of the ... I can't think of a clever metaphor. Sleeping the blissful sleep of the blissful sleeper I suppose. Long and heavy and restful and wonderful!
Now "BAM" I'm stressed and not sleeping. I'm writing my thesis, I've got to deliver the first draft of my first section to my new supervisor this Friday .. it's supposed to be 9000 words and I've only written 4000-odd and while I think they're a pretty good 4000-odd, well formatted and flowing coherently, it's not even half what it should be!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm nervous that my writing is too colloquial and not 'academic' enough (reading academic texts is enough to make anyone feel like an inadequate dunce) and ... I'm just bloody stressed.
And this is a first for me in sobriety. I've had to deal with boredom, sadness, low-level anxiety etc sober. And I've had to be dry at booze-soaked functions and through traditional heavy-drinking times (like Christmas and New Year). But stress? Stress I've not really had to contend with. And, as we all know, alcohol is a fantastic stress reliever. Want to forget your worries and concerns for a while? Here bend your brain with this lovely liquid. Sure, you'll wake up with a sore head, the guilts, and the realization that your stresses haven't gone away, but wasn't it fun forgetting them for a while??!!!
I need new stress relievers. Seriously. I need advice. My sister suggested listening to meditation tapes at bedtime, a calm voice telling you such things as "Listen to your breath. You are not your thoughts." Last night I tried to imagine myself floating on a lovely calm serenity pool (nestled at the foot of the garden at my palatial mansion/dream home).. and that sort of worked .. but not really.
My wick is much much shorter and the smallest frustrations can set me off and I feel the stress rising in my belly. I am yelling at the kids more and that's making me feel terrible. It takes me ages to wind down to go to sleep at night and I'm waking at the smallest noise and taking ages to get back to sleep. Aaaarrrggghhhh! Stress!
Phew. Breath Mrs D. Friday's deadline will pass. You will get through this. In fact, while you're talking to yourself here's a tip.. STOP BLOGGING AND GET BACK TO WRITING!!!!!!!