Ok, so some more on this squashing down emotions thing. My post yesterday has got me thinking. Is a desire to squash down my emotions the reason why I've been drinking heavily since I was about 17? I mean, my childhood was pretty awesome I think, close family and all. My parents did divorce when when I was 21 but I don't want to go on about it because how many millions of people are the product of divorce? But is that the reason for my heavy drinking that's led me to this place?
Perhaps unsurprisingly I trained and moved into an industry that very interesting and stimulating, and known for being boozy. High stress, regular deadlines, lots of social functions, drinking. Lots of boozers at work. So a fun decade in my 20s boozing in the office and with workmates (but with that home base gone). Travelled and lived in London, same industry, lots of parties, boozing.
Then met the lovely Mr D, also a drinker but without the 'gene'. He can stop. But we boozed together and travelled while drinking wine and developed a fun house with friends and food and wine. Then the kids came along. Big Fella! Middle Dude and Little Guy! Managed to get through the pregnancies and breastfeeding with minimal wine drinking but once the kids stopped breastfeeding my 5-o'clock habit was getting fully entrenched.
My body clock is amazing - 5pm on the dot, or about 4.45 I'll look at the clock and think 'almost wine time!'. Wrestle with myself about whether to get any during the day. Pick up a bottle during the course of the day. Pop the top at 5pm and it's gone by 7.
But lately 1 bottle just hasn't been enough. I needed one bottle and 2 glasses more just for myself to feel 'full'. Binging. And loyal readers of my blog (ha ha) will know the rest, the cycle I've been in.
So that's a potted history of my drinking history. There's far more detail obviously. Tomorrow's blog I'll write about how I have felt since day one of drinking and try to work out why I have always liked the feeling of being inebriated.
Love, Mrs D xxx