I read somewhere how that is what an alcoholics brain has, a peculiar amnesia, and forgets all the bad reasons why not to drink and remembers only the fantasy reasons in order to drink again. I can almost already feel that happening. No! I'm not going to let myself forget. That fantasy has gone, gone, gone. I just have to get used to living without alcohol. Planning events sober. I mean the evening is just going to pass and then it'll be the morning and will you have lost anything by not boozing the night before? I really just think I have to not touch it again.
Had a great chat with my gorgeous sister last night. Sort of told her my plan. It's pretty scary because I don't want to set myself up for a fall, or to be judged if I fail. But then again anything to help me succeed and if that's letting people know that I'm trying to live completely sober then that might help.
What's different about this abstenance is that I'm not counting the days like I used to, or thinking about what I'm going to drink on the night I start again. I'm looking into an endless stretch of no alcohol. My step-brother's wedding, my 40th celebrations, even Christmas and New Year's I'm thinking about being dry and it feels good...
I'm going to show everyone I can do this..
Love, Mrs D xxx
Again, I totally get this. The amnesia. Over the last few yrs I have often been puzzled that my resolve in the morning about not drinking that night...and why...for example, when I drink I sometimes have pains in my stomach, or as you mentioned before the alcohol insomnia....well, I completely forget that by 5pm. Its not that I ignore those thoughts...they vanish at 'wine time'. Amazing!
ReplyDeleteWithout the amnesia, we wouldn't have an issue! Because we would remember the thousand reasons why we should let wine o'clock come AND GO! Day 6, clear head. Not by design, I would have given in last night but was forced to abstain in case I had to drive. Interesting how the Universe is helping in my cause, even if it is a bit frustrating! I am not sure if I am going to abstain full time forever but for now today is another sober day.
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