Yeah this sure is a head game, I have thoughts pop into my head constantly that say 'really? never another drink ever again?' and 'Christmas is going to be a real challenge, how boring it will be' and 'boring! boring!' and 'you're not that bad are you? lots of people drink!"..
So here, Mrs D, are some reminders to yourself (this talking to myself is getting weird. If only I had some readers...)
* Going on holiday to a camping ground with a bunch of old mates and getting so hammered on the last night I was finishing everyone else's wine and ended up falling into our unit and puking in the toilet. Classy. Lost a favourite earring that night. Felt very depressed for a week or two afterwards.
* Lost another earring another random week night binge at home, think vomiting might have been involved that night as well. Where do these earrings go? Down the toilet?
* Going to a gig - Jarvis Cocker!! - with my sister and we both got plastered and I ended up standing on the floor, flat floor with carpet, and just suddenly falling backwards and spilling my drink. Total loss of balance. Nice (not).
* Going to a show (Grease the musical, opening night, free tickets). Having 3 drinks before the show, needing to leave half way through the first half to pee, standing on the sidelines waiting till the intermission not wanting to piss off all the people I had to squeeze past to get back to my seat. Straight to the bar to buy another drink to take in to the second half. Having more drinks at the after party. Was this seeing a show or just another opportunity to drink lots? Why is alcohol always taking the front seat in the story of my life?
* Another free ticket, this time to the amazing Walking With Dinosaurs. Free drinks at the pre-party, had at least 3. Took another in to the show (spilt red wine on the floor in front of some people when the Middle Dude bumped my arm). Again the loo before half time and making sure I got another drink to have during the break and another to take in to the second half. Again, booze booze booze.
I ate a lot yesterday. Pigged out. Then in the evening I was watching Oprah recorded from earlier in the day and she had a doctor talking about how emotionally disturbed people might control their emotions and one way was drugs and alcohol addiction, another was over eating. She said people eat a lot to 'squash down their emotions'. So, have I been using alcohol to squash down emotions and yesterday did I overeat to squash down the emotions I'm feeling about my big life change?
Love, Mrs D xxx