I can feel a squeeze coming on my brain, just a slight tightening of my thoughts, and my strength and resolve to not drink alcohol any more. I can feel the little voice inside flexing it's muscles again. Really? Never again?
Yes never again. It stopped being fun. The fantasy idea of drinking - just the one or two! - doesn't exist for me any more. Nothing will be lost, or less fun. So much will be gained. Think I have to work really really hard on this. Exercise my brain like it is a muscle I lift weights for.
I wish I had some more books, or blogs or something I could follow that worked for me and how I am trying to do this. But I know I am strong enough and I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Yet again, our thoughts combine, I feel like I am reading my own words sometimes. Shamefully however, I cannot declare Day 7 clear head because I decided to test myself and consume the leftover 3/4 bottle of red that has sat since my declaration of sobriety. The upside is the test worked in my favour. Sure the hit was instant and welcoming. But the brain fuzz, boozed by 6.45pm!, asleep on couch by 8pm, wake in early hours of the night with red wine churning, wake with red wine fuzzy head, sit in meeting hoping pain in neck will go away. KNOWING that this is it. Too busy, too tired, too much to do, too much life to claim back! I feel friggin superb that the decision is finally sealed as the right one. Even bought myself some clothes in advance of $ savings I will make.
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