Sunday, September 18, 2011

Uptight..

Last night was a bit of a test.  The in-laws came over for an early pizza supper (home-made pizzas I might add, made by MOI!) .. they bought beer and wine.  Mr D and Mr D senior had a few beers, Mrs D senior had a couple of wines, Mr D also had a few wines after his beers (he seems to drink more when I'm not drinking.  I think he used to hold back so that someone was in control and also because I would get grumpy if he drank too much of the wine!).  Anyhow I just didn't drink and didn't say anything about it and no-one made any comments.  But there's no flies on Mrs D senior and I'm sure she would have noticed.  She probably thinks I'm pregnant.

At one point Mr D asked me quietly in the kitchen how I was and I said "Ok, but I feel quite uptight".  He gave me a big snuggle and some lovely kisses and I felt much better and lighter after that and was able to be in a better mood.

Later in bed (I love it when I get into bed now and have had no wine!) he told me that it wasn't even noticeable that I was feeling uptight.  I thought I was more snappy with the kids (well the Middle Dude did break Big Guy's new glasses, that pissed me off) but he said I was fine really.

I do feel more uptight on an evening like last night because..
1) I'm not relaxing with the alcohol in my system
2) I'm not part of the 'fun' group having a few drinks
3) I'm having to mentally process abstaining from something 'fun' so I'm concentrating on those serious thoughts = serious mood

Hopefully 2) and 3) won't apply for ever because I won't have to think about abstaining so much, I'll just automatically do it, and well as for 2) readers of this blog will know (ha ha! That's a joke!  I have no readers!!) it wasn't fun any more for me anyway.

Quick point here.  Mr and Mrs D senior got to about 3 units of alcohol and stopped.  They just stopped! They'd had enough at that point.  How very functional!  Had the fun lift and then stopped.  If only I could do that.  I would have been pouring wines number 5 & 6 as they were getting ready to leave round 7.30pm.  Probably had wines 7 & 8 before bed.

Anyway, back to my points.  Number 1).  Well my lovely Mr D had a good idea.  Why don't I have a Red Bull or some other horrible drink I would never normally touch, but one that would give me that energy lift at the start of a drinking session.  So I will try that next time I think.

And I need to think about how and when I am going to annouce to people what I am doing.  Why am I hesitating to do that?

Love, Mrs D xxx

3 comments:

  1. That is exactly my problem. I can't have three drinks and stop. It goes on and on until I embarrass myself and my dear wife. I envy those that can. I think dealing with that envy and loathing of yourself is going to be a big part of recovery. I keen to keep reading and learn your story!

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  2. I can't stop reading. I'm so anxious to follow in your footsteps. I have tried this many times and get to a certain point but then go back in social situations. I can't tell you how much your words are helping me. I know I will be reading and re-reading your story. Thank you!

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  3. A longtime overdueJuly 3, 2014 at 11:37 AM

    Another day with a clear head and thank God I did. Received some very sad news last night about a family member. First reaction - I need a drink! Sadly, it is probably alcohol that has contributed to his demise, so I was able to counteract that thought. Completely relate to the 3 signs of being uptight! Having been the driver at times over the years, I am exactly that and as recently as New Years Eve just past. And my husband did the same, drank more than usual, was the funny guy, I just got darker and darker. Totally would not have stopped at 3 glasses either, would have definitely had 5,6,7 and 8. I too am loving the guilt free pleasure of going to bed sober and waking sober.

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